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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on my family holiday?!

78 replies

Gruffalomom · 31/07/2020 16:11

We are due to go to Devon for a week S/C from tomorrow, myself and DH and our two young DC.

Right now I can't think of anything worse 😢. I feel awful saying that but I really can't.

I'm a sahp so lockdown had been easier on me than on those juggling work and children but I'm just so done in 😢.

I'm so sick of scivvying unappreciated for the 3 of them , and the thought of doing that somewhere else plus having to keep them entertained without everything we have at home just fills me dread.

One of my DC has additional needs and is always hard work to keep safe out and about and I'm going to have to watch him every second. He can't cope with restaurants so it'll be all take outs and cooking at the cottage - more work for me.

My tolerance level and patience is on the floor at the moment and I'm already feeling awful at snapping more than usual. I'm trying to get the house tidied and all the packing done before we go (obviously that's been my job too).

How unreasonable would I be to just send them off for holiday without me? 🙈.

I know I'm totally unreasonable, I'm just hoping maybe there is someone else out there that also has these horrible thoughts ??

OP posts:
CatteStreet · 31/07/2020 17:19

I'm kind of with Hyacynth.

It's absolutely unacceptable that your husband won't pull his weight. This needs a serious talk at the least and quite possibly you not going on the holiday.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 31/07/2020 17:19

I do understand, I think of these holidays as all the same work as home, with a few extra logistical difficulties, on tour.
Explain how you are feeling and I totally second the above, ask if can allocate him to cooking and tidying up. Drive if you can so he can be watching them in car.
For this to be a holiday you need a change and to be doing something genuinely holiday-like (for me walk on beach on your own, read a book on your own). For me it has always ended up better than I think it is going to be (maybe because I dread it!).

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2020 17:20

How much does DH do when he isn't working?

RandomMess · 31/07/2020 17:24

I would tell DH that you are absolutely worn out and if he wants to go on holiday he needs to do the packing for everything and everyone apart you.

It will be interesting to see how he gets on...

welcometohell · 31/07/2020 17:25

YANBU in the sense that holidays with small children are not really a 'break', and can sometimes feel like more work than being at home. 2bazookas suggestions are a good way to reduce the hassle though.

I have to be honest that I think the responses on this thread would be very different if a woman posted on here saying she has worked FT throughout lockdown and her SAHP DH has suddenly announced that he's opting out of their planned family holiday so that he can enjoy a relaxing week at home alone, leaving her to either take two small children away by herself or disappoint them by telling them their holiday is cancelled.

ilovepuggies · 31/07/2020 17:25

If you have two cars and drive could you go down a night or two later

LIZS · 31/07/2020 17:26

Is there a barbecue? If so make full use of it, served with salad or pasta. A week of sausages, take away fish and chips and convenience food is fine. Beach visits in all weathers, collecting shells, take a bat and ball, bucket and spade etc. Maybe dh could take the dc while you take a break. Is there wifi for you to stream films or catch up tv?

bowchicawowwow · 31/07/2020 17:33

@Gruffalomom we are also heading on holiday tomorrow, also to Torquay area and I feel exactly the same as you. I also have a SN child. I always feel a bit anxious and cross the day before we go on holiday. We have a motorhome so we are packing up ready to leave in the morning and I'm dreading the thought of spending so much time in a very confined space with the same people I've been stuck in the house with 24/7 since March. I've packed wine and earplugs.

Ayuayuayu · 31/07/2020 17:40

Absolutely send your dh with the kids and you stay home and have a break. You sound like you need it. They are his kids too and sounds like you have been doing everything.

Houseplantmad · 31/07/2020 17:50

Why don't you go tomorrow and then come back on Tuesday afternoon by train? Put the wine in the fridge now Wink Smile

Gogogadgetarms · 31/07/2020 17:51

OP I’m also going on a self catered holiday in the U.K. and I’m also a SAHP. I’ve got DH to schedule the shop to be delivered before we go and to meal plan the entire week. He’s budgeted 3 takeaways (all 3 lunches out).The rest are all boggy basic meals. Think beans on toast, pizza, sandwiches but I don’t care. It’s the only way it’ll feel like a break for me.
He’s also promised to take the kids out for a walk to “explore” every morning and let me have a lie in (hide) for an hour or so.
You need to negotiate something similar.
I’ll do all the packing and plan each days activities but I need him to take over some of the drudge.

Tappering · 31/07/2020 17:54

We go SC but only because we eat out for every meal. I prefer it to a hotel because I like going to different cafes and restaurants. I absolutely refuse to cook full stop when on holiday. The only thing the kitchen is used for is making drinks and putting crisps and nuts into bowls! Otherwise it's not a holiday - it's just a change of fairy liquid.

Explain to your H that you are tired and dreading it. Make it clear that carrying the mental load of who should be where, and what needs to be done, is NOT your responsibility. Tell him that you are only prepared to go if you have a clear agreement in place before you travel, of exactly what he is going to do to help.

If his response is anything other than agreement, I would refuse to go and tell him he can take the kids by himself.

speakout · 31/07/2020 17:54

The words self catering and holiday do not belong in the same sentence.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/07/2020 18:00

I don’t do SC on holiday either, it’s not a holiday to me if you still have to cook and clean up.

I wouldn’t want to go anywhere on holiday currently. It’s too busy, lots of people aren’t SD, eating out means crowds and others touching food, plates etc.

Jaxhog · 31/07/2020 18:03

I refuse to go on self-catering holidays. It's the one thing I won't compromise on.
It's just the same shit, but in the sun.

With worse beds and less space.

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/07/2020 18:14

I think the idea of splitting the children up for a few mornings or afternoons so you both get to go to lunch with the child who can go to restaurants and go different places.
Take aways or bits and pieces like salad, picky bits, cheeses and French bread for other nights.

Dh washes up. (Always have a dishwasher in self catering)

We do a lot of Airbnb holidays. I never cook at home I don’t plan to start on holiday.

There is a thread atm that is giving some advice on what a poster should put in their holiday let.

Someone posted that holiday let’s should be better and easier than at home.

CheetasOnFajitas · 31/07/2020 18:15

Why is your husband not helping with the holiday preparation? It is not acceptable for him to opt out of that.

Yes, he works FT, but so do you. Holiday prep is over and above both of your normal duties and the burden should not fall on you alone. He needs a wake up call.

Emilyontmoor · 31/07/2020 18:23

I had a complete meltdown last time we had a self catering holiday with young children, stuck in the kitchen staring at a wall making three meals a day without even my usual utensils and gadgets. We haven't had one since. That was 2003....

Orangeblossom777 · 31/07/2020 18:33

I would go but spend some time alone going for walks etc, Dh usually cooks on holiday anyway - having some space and a change of scene might be nice.

hellywelly3 · 31/07/2020 18:41

I’ve just said to my dh that I want a day to myself when we go away. Just to look around without being hassled for stuff. He’s agreed and I’ve said he should have a day or at least an afternoon too x

NoSquirrels · 31/07/2020 18:46

The packing and THINKING before you go is always shit - I very much sympathise - but you will enjoy it when you're there. You can always just declare you're staying in bed one day, or go out on your own for a morning/afternoon. You don't need to be the one in charge of everything on holiday - your DH can do it! Just make it clear to your DH that you are feeling burnt out and irritated and that you're intending to down tools for some of the time whilst you're there.

Plus - whatever you forget to pack, you are only in Torquay. They will have what you need.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 31/07/2020 18:53

THIS says it all...

www.theonion.com/mom-spends-beach-vacation-assuming-all-household-duties-1819575406

JackiesArmy · 31/07/2020 19:00

Do you always feel like this?

Looking back at 15 years of family holidays i don't remember one when I didn't have a wobble the night before - it was just too much, having to organise everything for everyone. And every holiday by midnight on night 1 (when everyone was still awake but knackered and hyper) I just wanted to go home.

But by day 2 or 3 it got easier.

Carve out a 2 hour piece of every day where you can go off (or stay in the house) on your own and read a book/have a rest, and then you'll enjoy most of the rest of it.

thenightsky · 31/07/2020 19:00

@Jaxhog

I refuse to go on self-catering holidays. It's the one thing I won't compromise on. It's just the same shit, but in the sun.

With worse beds and less space.

And the kitchen is usually far below the standard of your own at home. And you have to clean the bastard place before you leave.
JackiesArmy · 31/07/2020 19:01

Also: eat takeaways, buy disposable plates/cups etc, let the kids wear one outfit for the week. Take shortcuts.