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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think they shouldn't change guidance that impacts weddings at 12:30 on a Friday

99 replies

ProbablyLate · 31/07/2020 12:51

Just that really. The majority of weddings happen on a Saturday and after all the disruption couples have already had to deal with during covid it seems harsh to change guidance that allows them to have a wedding reception of up to 30 the day before.

I know people get married mid-week but surely it would effect a lot fewer people to change it on a Monday, or at least give a few days notice.

We only decided to go ahead with our ceremony once we knew our 30 friends and family at it could celebrate with us afterwards but now we're faced with having to tell people they can't after all Sad

OP posts:
EdinaMonsoon · 31/07/2020 12:58

I’m sorry to hear that your special day is potentially upset but TBH I think whatever keeps us safe & healthy & that the advice should be given whenever appropriate. The government has been criticised for being vague and not acting expeditiously enough (I agree & am certainly not someone who voted for this shower) but when they do that is criticised too. There will always be something that someone somewhere misses out on.

Laaalaaaa · 31/07/2020 13:06

If you’re in an area deemed high risk then they have no option but to do this. You should have been aware when you booked that there was every chance this could happen. There are no guarantees over anything right now. If the government left things over the weekend they would be absolutely slated - let’s give 48 hours notice of a lockdown. Of course people would use that 48 to spend time with friends and family - risking spreading the virus even further.

Original poster
ProbablyLate · 31/07/2020 13:18

We're not in a high risk area, its the stopping of the easing of lockdown everywhere that's done for us. I know it's for everyone's safety, and I have been very good at following the rules, and intend to be with this - otherwise it wouldn't be an issue, we would just go ahead Grin!

People have already booked time off work and accommodation so I really just feel guilty that now its all "just" for the shortened, singingless ceremony.

We did know there was a risk that it might not be able to go ahead but we didn't think we'd only find out 24 hours before the wedding!

OP posts:
reservoircats · 31/07/2020 13:20

OP you have my sympathies. You must be gutted. I have my wedding planned in October and would be devastated if this happened to me.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 31/07/2020 13:20

I'm so sorry OP I know this must be awful. If it offers you some hope, we only had 20 people at our wedding in 2017 (parents, grand parents and siblings, siblings partners and children) and it was wonderful. We just went back to my mum's house afterwards and had cake and a BBQ, it was really quiet and really special. I hope you are able to celebrate soon.

ChickenFriedFudge · 31/07/2020 13:22

Me and DH were just saying this. Seems unnecessarily mean and short sighted. Although nothing surprises me with this government anymore. I'm sorry OP. You must be gutted. X

Subordinateclause · 31/07/2020 13:22

How disappointing for you - I hope you have a very special day nevertheless.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 31/07/2020 13:23

You must be gutted.

There’ll probably be someone who suggests that you zoom the party for those who can't go.

Don't. It merely rubs it in for those who can't go.

Congratulations and I hope you can make the best of it and have a lovely day. Flowers

GinDrinker00 · 31/07/2020 13:24

YABU. Rather they put things in place sooner than later.

Orchidsindoors · 31/07/2020 13:24

Im sorry this has happened to you, however....Boris did tell people that if numbers rise he would act fast and put the breaks on. That's what he has done. So he gave quite a bit of notice really.

Oly4 · 31/07/2020 13:25

You must be gutted and I’m so sorry. But you’re attempting to get married in the middle of a global pandemic... these are not normal times.
And it’s quite right the Govt acts quickly when they see cases going up

tocancel · 31/07/2020 13:30

YANBU. And anyone who says you are would feel differently if they were in your position.

It’s rubbish, especially with such short notice.

Honeyroar · 31/07/2020 13:31

I think that anything is liable to face changes at short notice this year, weddings, holidays, gatherings, whatever. It’s a real shame, but if you’re going to go ahead with things this year you’ve got to be aware that it’s a bit of a gamble. My friend got married last week. It always had an air of “if it happens” on the weeks running up to it. I, and many others, got uninvited and completely understood why. I went to watch her go into the church and come out. They had a lovely day, despite it being far from what they had planned. Your guests will understand.

2CatsAndCounting · 31/07/2020 13:39

I do feel sorry for you. But I also feel the government is in a tricky situation - people complain if they act to slow, complain if they act quickly.

Original poster
ProbablyLate · 31/07/2020 13:39

Thank you for all your kind messages - whether you think IABU or not!

It's just a massive stress and a bit of a logistical nightmare working out what to do at this point with so much already sorted. Not what I imagined the day before my wedding being like. We had panned an outdoor reception anyway to try to make it as safe as possible so now I've got about 150 vol-au-vents that need eating. Worse things have happened I guess... Grin

OP posts:
Lockheart · 31/07/2020 13:40

YANBU to be disappointed.

However, and I say this as someone who is NOT a fan of the current incumbents: the government needs to act when necessary. They can't just wait til after the weekend and let the virus carry on unchecked just because some people will be disappointed.

When they identify an outbreak they need to stop it quickly. They can't say "Oh there's an outbreak here but we won't do anything about it for 3 days so you can all have your gatherings and your parties".

It's not mean, it's necessary.

YABU to think they should be giving advance notice. Covid moves quickly - they need to as well.

SimonJT · 31/07/2020 13:41

My friend is in this situation as well, he was due to marry tomorrow, his area has extremely low cases and the wedding party all live in the area, so no people in the group who have travelled from elsewhere and the guests have all isolated so they’re at 14 days isolation for the wedding as my friend has a terminal illness.

The venue had already refused to offer any form of refund or change of date when they had to reduce to 30 rather than 150 people, now they’ll be paying the full price for no event.

kittensandcoffee · 31/07/2020 13:48

YANBU. And anyone who thinks YABU clearly has no empathy for your situation, or anyone else in the same predicament.

I'm going to a wedding this weekend and it's such a shame the reception is cancelled. I feel terrible for the couple. I hope you have a lovely wedding regardless! Flowers

Original poster
ProbablyLate · 31/07/2020 13:49

@SimonJT well that really sucks Sad

I think we're in a similar position of it being especially disappointing because we had genuinely put a lot of things in place to make it as safe as possible, all socially distanced with mask on, outdoors etc. And now we can't do that but could go to the pub with two households which I suspect would actually be higher risk.

OP posts:
Gogogadgetarms · 31/07/2020 13:55

YABU.
Sorry OP. I acknowledge you are directly affected, however they changed the quarantine guidance/air bridges at midnight with no notice. They do not have to be ‘considerate’.
I know people are tired of hearing this but we are in the middle of a global pandemic. The guidance can change with no notice. It will and it should.

IndiaMay · 31/07/2020 13:57

YANBU we had to cancel our wedding at tue end of March due to lockdown and I was awful that close, I cant imagine what the day before is like. We were hoping for a late October wedding but going to have to start canceling that now too

AutumnLeavesSeptember · 31/07/2020 13:58

I think YANBU. You can't give people just a few hours notice of a lockdown. That flies in the face of everything Boris has been saying for weeks, in terms of "get out there, go shopping, go back to work". The government are trying to have it both ways and it isn't fair.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 31/07/2020 13:59

Totally agree - it's shit. Yet it took 10 days for people to prepare to wear face masks? Bullshit.

Chloemol · 31/07/2020 13:59

The problem is that things are happening fast. So therefore things change fast

You take a chance I am afraid

welcometohell · 31/07/2020 14:00

YANBU to feel gutted. Completely understandable. I can't agree that the government should have waited until Monday to makes these changes though, there's too much at stake. As frustrating as it is, for the foreseeable future we all have to accept that any plans we make are going to be at risk of being postponed/cancelled at short notice. It is shit though and I would be disappointed too in your shoes.