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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think they shouldn't change guidance that impacts weddings at 12:30 on a Friday

99 replies

ProbablyLate · 31/07/2020 12:51

Just that really. The majority of weddings happen on a Saturday and after all the disruption couples have already had to deal with during covid it seems harsh to change guidance that allows them to have a wedding reception of up to 30 the day before.

I know people get married mid-week but surely it would effect a lot fewer people to change it on a Monday, or at least give a few days notice.

We only decided to go ahead with our ceremony once we knew our 30 friends and family at it could celebrate with us afterwards but now we're faced with having to tell people they can't after all Sad

OP posts:
Brefugee · 31/07/2020 15:11

Also, i think one of the absolute twattish things they did with this announcement was not to hold a press conference. It was announced first on bloody Twitter FFS.

I totally get PP point that this is a necessary step, and i am actually 100% behind it. And probably in respect of how they have handled the crisis, better late than never.

Even so i think that anyone affected by this (big EID celebration after not seeing family for months in particular - I'd love to see the reaction if it was Christmas today and not something else, weddings, etc) is not unreasonable to feel hard done to, notwithstanding the fact that given the shambolic handling of Covid-19 by the British government they should probably have expected it in some small part of their mind.

Newdaynewname1 · 31/07/2020 15:12

I find these discussion sad and funny at the same time

  1. oh my god, nobody is wearing masks we are all going die. 2 weeks later : outrageous, we have to wear masks in the supermarket, masks are going to kill me!
  2. people are meeting in big groups, how can they, we are all going to die because of these idiots. 2 weeks later: we are not allowed to meet In big groups anymore, this is soooooo unfair. How could they do that to us?
  3. if DC can do it, I can. Newsflash: lots of people do stupid things. Some never look before they cross the road. Doesn’t mean everybody should do stupid things, and just because your neighbour has survived years of not looking before crossing the road, it might kill him tomorrow.Or you if you try
FattyBoom · 31/07/2020 15:19

All the 'well if you will try and get married in a pandemic' crowd really make me cross, as they show absolutely no compassion.

It's not like anyone decided to get married now, many of these weddings will have been booked and planned long before anyone had ever heard of the virus! And sadly a lot of venues won't offer any kind of refund if even a ceremony can go ahead.

I'm hoping a praying this doesn't happen to our (rescheduled) wedding in January as if the venue is open and allowed to hold a wedding, even if it is just us and a registrar, we will get no refund whatsoever

SoloMummy · 31/07/2020 15:24

@Brefugee

Also, i think one of the absolute twattish things they did with this announcement was not to hold a press conference. It was announced first on bloody Twitter FFS.

I totally get PP point that this is a necessary step, and i am actually 100% behind it. And probably in respect of how they have handled the crisis, better late than never.

Even so i think that anyone affected by this (big EID celebration after not seeing family for months in particular - I'd love to see the reaction if it was Christmas today and not something else, weddings, etc) is not unreasonable to feel hard done to, notwithstanding the fact that given the shambolic handling of Covid-19 by the British government they should probably have expected it in some small part of their mind.

I know lots of Muslims up North still celebrating as expected as they were totally unaware.

By now you'd have anticipated that there'd be a more efficient way of Making sure that we'd all be informed.

Why can't the government send out text messages via all mobile network providers, where they don't have to actually have to have our numbers as the networks send them on their behalf? Then no excuse for not knowing...

SouthorWest · 31/07/2020 15:24

Ah, OP, it's shit. We were supposed to be getting married next week but we cancelled a couple of months ago and rescheduled for next summer, thinking better safe than sorry. But I'd be gutted in your position, you're definitely not BU to feel very upset.

However, I do think that the whole point of locking down is that you do it FAST. It's the 'oh this measure is really very important but you don't have to do it for another 2 weeks' attitude from HMG that is ridiculous.

We just felt we didn't want to take the chance of getting married this summer. Just hoping that we're not in the same position this time next year!

SoloMummy · 31/07/2020 15:25

@FattyBoom

All the 'well if you will try and get married in a pandemic' crowd really make me cross, as they show absolutely no compassion.

It's not like anyone decided to get married now, many of these weddings will have been booked and planned long before anyone had ever heard of the virus! And sadly a lot of venues won't offer any kind of refund if even a ceremony can go ahead.

I'm hoping a praying this doesn't happen to our (rescheduled) wedding in January as if the venue is open and allowed to hold a wedding, even if it is just us and a registrar, we will get no refund whatsoever

It's unfortunate, but you've rebooked a cancelled wedding in the middle Of what will be the flu season and next wave of the coronavirus. Doesn't really make sense does it?
FourTeaFallOut · 31/07/2020 15:29

I mean, yes I can imagine that you are disappointed. I would have the hump too.

But it's a bit much to say it should have been arranged in a different way to save you that disappointment. It's a shame for you but in the grand scheme of things, it just isn't that important. Would you be less cross if this were announced on Tuesday?

Will you still be getting married on the day, without the guests, op? If you do I hope you have a lovely day.

Brefugee · 31/07/2020 15:29

By now you'd have anticipated that there'd be a more efficient way of Making sure that we'd all be informed.

exactly. I'm in Germany and now i need to check, but i have an app for major civic alarms (we quite often hear about unexploded WW2 bombs being dug up where i live) and i disabled it because there were so many alarms! but maybe it would be a good Covid-19 resource. Assume there is something like that in the UK?

I find these discussion sad and funny at the same time
1) oh my god, nobody is wearing masks we are all going die. 2 weeks later : outrageous, we have to wear masks in the supermarket, masks are going to kill me!
2) people are meeting in big groups, how can they, we are all going to die because of these idiots. 2 weeks later: we are not allowed to meet In big groups anymore, this is soooooo unfair. How could they do that to us?

Since there is zero evidence to show (unless you're keeping track?) that it is the same people saying this, it is entirely predictable that a message board this size would have such varied comments.

FattyBoom · 31/07/2020 15:30

This reply has been deleted

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FattyBoom · 31/07/2020 15:31

That was obviously to Solomummy

SoloMummy · 31/07/2020 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post Talk Guidelines.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/07/2020 15:37

They need to act fast, they can’t delay so people can carry on with their planned social events. Health and bringing this under control are far more important.

The reality is a marriage is about making the commitment between two people. The rest is all just a big party.

FattyBoom · 31/07/2020 15:39

Do you think that insurance companies will pay out for anything related to coronavirus or if the venue says it can still go ahead? Of course not. But I guess you know everything so I'll leave it there.

ChickenFriedFudge · 31/07/2020 15:40

@Newdaynewname1 tbf, if someone crosses the road without looking it's only them that is injured/killed....

BigChocFrenzy · 31/07/2020 15:41

I'm really sorry for you, probablyLate Sad
I can't think of anything to say that makes it suck less, so I can only offer sympathy for your disappointment and hassle now

BigChocFrenzy · 31/07/2020 15:43

@Brefugee

Im sorry this has happened to you, however....Boris did tell people that if numbers rise he would act fast and put the breaks on.

since that bumbling twat gave 2 weeks notice of everything else and has otherwise been wishy washy and pathetic in his handling of this crisis, the sudden lockdown - at a time when many many families had arranged EID celebrations, and weddings etc - it seems absolutely out of character for him to be this fast.

.... Exactly The lack of notice is completely unexpected Dom must have goosed BJ or something to make the workshy twat act this quickly
maddy68 · 31/07/2020 15:44

The government are so incompetent. It beggers belief!

Original poster
ProbablyLate · 31/07/2020 15:45

In response to a few PPs, the wedding was planned long before lockdown. We are both religious and so haven't lived together which meant not seeing one another for most of lockdown. We therefore decided that whatever happened we'd get married on the 1st August. A month ago, we were happy to marry with just 5 people there and then have a meal with our parents or something afterwards, all within the guidelines. We decided if guests could only come to the ceremony itself we'd go ahead with fewer, local people to save accommodation / travel costs and problems for the others.

We've been aware that there could be fairly sudden changes in the guidelines, and it's only really been the last week or so we've finalised plans and started to buy things to cater for our guests. I certainly didn't imagine when I woke up this morning and made the vol-au-vents that it would be cancelled at such the last minute!

Unless people are living in one of the areas of a more intense lockdown, their plans (Eid etc) shouldn't really have been effected by this, I don't think the guidelines were set to change for anything but weddings. I suppose it's not so much I would like them to have held of the announcement for Monday, but I wish if it had been on the horizon last Monday or even Wednesday they could have announced it, or hinted at it so we could have prepared.

For all my fellow covid brides, I hope you all have wonderful days, whether they're exactly what you planned or not Flowers

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 31/07/2020 15:45

What this lack of notice means, is that people will be very reluctant to plan anything that costs a lot of money,
whether a celebration or a holiday, when it is so abruptly cancelled.

So that scuppers BJ's call for everyone to spend

Lindy2 · 31/07/2020 15:49

I feel so sorry for anyone who was planning to get married but unfortunately it only takes a few tiny delays in putting distancing measures in place for the virus to take even more hold.

It's a totally rubbish situation but so would it be for you and your guests to be exposed to the virus by gathering together.

IndiaMay · 31/07/2020 15:49

This reply has been deleted

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SpringerJS · 31/07/2020 15:50

I sympathise OP. That must be gutting. I think one of the things that's been hardest about the lockdown generally has been the inability to have the normal rites of passage like weddings, funerals, family visits post-birth etc.

On another note, didn't Princess Beatrice have a wedding reception a couple of weeks ago?... I didn't realise they hadn't officially been allowed yet. Anyone would think it was one rule for them...

FourTeaFallOut · 31/07/2020 15:52

Shrew? Really? I'll never stop being surprised at the amount of low level misogyny on MN.

tocancel · 31/07/2020 15:52

@FattyBoom

No idea why @SoloMummy is being so rude - almost seems gleeful that your wedding might not go ahead. People are weird and can only assume they are unhappy.

Fingers crossed for - I'm getting married next year too (in some form) so let's hope things are better by then!

SteelyPanther · 31/07/2020 15:53

I think that this whole situation is very fluid and we should expect changes in circumstances, no matter how short the warning is, for the greater good.
Winter is heading our way and we have got to get this under control. We all have to play our part.

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