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Original poster

Husband sending nudes emotional affair

121 replies

AngryAF · 31/07/2020 03:10

Someone has just messaged me pictures and screenshots of my husband's penis and three months of conversations.
Topics cover everything from food, our children, our sex life, what they want to do to each other, who our children will live with when he leaves me!!!

(D)H says it was a game, meant nothing, that he hasn't met her and was just getting kicks from it. He is apologising and wants to come home (I kicked him out). He sent this woman, who is a stranger pictures of our children! Some where he was in bed with our toddler hugging and taking selfies - for her! She asked for them!!

I dunno wtf to do! I was angry but now I'm numb.

I thought we were in a good place... What a moron!

Aibu to ask wtf do I do?

OP posts:
Thehop · 31/07/2020 06:49

What @CourtneyLurve said. Vile. Please stay strong. Get a decent solicitor for advice and go through the house for paperwork.

YouJustDoYou · 31/07/2020 06:51

You will never, ever get that trust back. Ever.

Ullupullu · 31/07/2020 06:53

Who called it an emotional affair? Was that his phrase or yours? It's far more than an emotional affair which I'd define as "best friend" chats. Selfies, dick pics (yuck), family, plans for future... that's an affair.

Nickelallergy891 · 31/07/2020 06:54

Saying it was "a game" is just as bad as admitting that it as serious! Almost worse in a way as he was willing to risk your relationship for something that "didn't mean anything". Please stay strong OP.

Nickelallergy891 · 31/07/2020 06:58

I would actually retype @msdoglady 's response but as a message to him as it's perfect.

Original poster
AngryAF · 31/07/2020 07:02

He definitely hasn't met this woman in real life, she doesn't live near us and we've been shielding.

Her boyfriend sent me the photos and screenshots.

He says he has swapped his previous over the counter drug habit for this. He said it got out of hand, was all a fantasy, that he was just roleplaying.

He came back so we could talk, we did for two hours.

Honestly, I think he is just thick AF - he isn't the brightest, and didn't think I would know. He has been complaining of stomach ache for the last week, he believes it is out of guilt. He has had to take meds from the GP for it, some acid thing. That I do believe because he has been moaning about it a lot.

Going through all the messages, there are a lot of half truths in it, things to make himself look better.

She has asked him for pictures of me, our children. She told him she got off on looking at pictures of me while she was "playing" with herself.

She's fucked in the head!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/07/2020 07:08

Ah. I see where you are going with this, op

The OW is a nutter and your loser of a husband is poorly and too silly to understand how she led him astray

Good luck with that

DrManhattan · 31/07/2020 07:08

She might be f*cked in the head- but he's the one who sent all those pics and messages.
Are you just gonna laugh it off?

Galaxycat · 31/07/2020 07:11

@AngryAF OP your last comment makes it all sound even more dodgy.

Is the woman even a woman, could it be that the boyfriend is actually the woman??? And it’s all been an online trick?? This is so messed up!!!!

This is not excusing your husband at all, sod his tummy ache, don’t get sucked in by you’re worth more than this!!! And so are your kids!!! Be strong!!!!!

Cakestandkitchen · 31/07/2020 07:12

So you are taking him back.

Original poster
AngryAF · 31/07/2020 07:12

No I don't feel sorry for him at all. I've given him hell. I do not trust him. I never will and he is very aware of that from our conversation/row/arguement.

I'm just unpackaging everything from my mind and that stood out to me, I could never get off on that!

I hope he has an ulcer!

OP posts:
Usernamehistory1 · 31/07/2020 07:14

I know this won't be a popular opinion but I believe you can come back from affairs but it will take a long time and honesty from both of you. I would also suggest that you are very careful with who you tell in real life because they will judge him and judge you if you choose to stay. Only you know your relationship and if it is worth fighting for down the line. Good luck and as I say I know this isn't a popular opinion. I suggest you find a counsellor or a very trusted friend to confide in but don't tell everyone.

Ullupullu · 31/07/2020 07:15

Don't focus your ire or energy on the OW! Please consider whether what he did was ok in any sense. Fine, they've not met during lockdown, but I expect the messages and photos escalated then because they could not see each other (and they were before). Regardless it's still a full on affair, don't let him minimise his behaviour. Well done on telling his mum

Original poster
AngryAF · 31/07/2020 07:18

@Galaxycat I have considered it an online trick as the boyfriend sent it to me from her Facebook account!

They've been doing on Facebook and WhatsApp.

The messages from her are sporadic, she refers to her boyfriend who as "has mental health issues" and at least on five occasions she told H that she has called the police on him. Very far fetched. Her interest in me and the kids concerns me. She asks a lot about me, what I look like etc my health.

I am not excusing him at all!

My friends friend recently had a stranger on Facebook messaging him, they swapped sexy pictures and videos. He was then blackmailed.

Hopefully he will be blackmailed, he is skint and then they will release pics of his dick 😂

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 31/07/2020 07:20

You’d be an absolute fool to even think about letting him back into your home.
A mild flirtation I think I could forgive but this is a full blown affair and, even worse, one where he shared absolutely everything with her, photos of your children, the most intimate details of your life together, even photos of you!! How dare he?!

bluebluezoo · 31/07/2020 07:22

Please don’t call them “nudes”. Makes it sound tasteful and arty. (Particularly as I work with teens where “nudes” are seen as normal. Using Child sexual abuse images instead makes them stop and think).

He’s been making and sending porn.

As others have said there’s every chance it’s a blackmail scam.

Galaxycat · 31/07/2020 07:23

[quote AngryAF]@Galaxycat I have considered it an online trick as the boyfriend sent it to me from her Facebook account!

They've been doing on Facebook and WhatsApp.

The messages from her are sporadic, she refers to her boyfriend who as "has mental health issues" and at least on five occasions she told H that she has called the police on him. Very far fetched. Her interest in me and the kids concerns me. She asks a lot about me, what I look like etc my health.

I am not excusing him at all!

My friends friend recently had a stranger on Facebook messaging him, they swapped sexy pictures and videos. He was then blackmailed.

Hopefully he will be blackmailed, he is skint and then they will release pics of his dick 😂[/quote]
@AngryAF Grin that’s the attitude OP!

It sounds dodgy to me like the woman might not even exist. I think it’s worse “she” asked about yourself and your kids rather than the dick pic!!!
I wonder if he’s been blackmailed and failed to provide the cash!?

AnyFucker · 31/07/2020 07:23

When OW was masturbating to pictures of you what do you think your husband was doing ?

Shoxfordian · 31/07/2020 07:23

He's betrayed your trust, it doesn't matter if he hasn't actually met her. Don't let him come back, find a good lawyer and tell him it's over

grissomsbugs · 31/07/2020 07:26

If this woman lived closer it definitely would of turned physical!

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 31/07/2020 07:26

If you take him back you're as thick as he is

He chose to do this to you and your family

Why would you want this low life piece of shit around you?

Standrewsschool · 31/07/2020 07:28

How did dh ‘meet’ this person? How did the conversation lead to ‘send me pics’. How and why did he think this would be okay.

Dodgy from the start.

MadinMarch · 31/07/2020 07:29

This sounds really creepy and weird to me. I think there's more to it than your husband is telling you.
Is it possible it's some sort of scam whereby he's put into a compromising position and then blackmailed and told they'll tell you if he doesn't pay?
How did the contact start with this OW? I think you need more information about her identity, and to reassure yourself that she is no risk to you or your childrens' safety. Possibly police involvment depending on what info emerges?

Chocforthewin · 31/07/2020 07:34

Sorry to read this OP, you've done the right thing to kick him out. Trust is easily broken, especially in this circumstance- How could you trust that he wouldn't message another woman in the future.
Sending pics of you to another woman who gets off playing with herself looking at them wtf 👀 and to send pics of your kids is unforgivable

Azerothi · 31/07/2020 07:34

There really is FAR more to this than you've been told.

Do you really want this type of nonsense in your life?