Why does an abuser do this??

[dublingirl66]

Aibu or is this a common thing
The abuser turning into the victim
Claiming I am now the one who abused him because I sent messages telling he was vile and scum after abusing me for two years ??

:(

I never spoke out
Always stuck up for him and gave him thousands extra for rent
But now I'm the abuser!!!

Please tell me courts can see through this??
Thanks in advance 😢😢

The courts see through it. Don't engage.

Big hand hold.

Ughh I hope so

I know I let myself down texting him it was long time ago and he had hit my sister and attempted to drag me across the room

But I had had enough !!

All the message I sent that day are now being used to say he was the victim all along
So bad :(

I think it is common. My ex makes out nothing ever happened and I'm a liar.
My 15 year old daughter thinks the one off black eye I received is funny and my ex is the best.
Hopefully the court look at the photographs I took and my credit file and bank statements for the financial abuse but I feel I'm about to lose everything. My daughter, home and car. I feel weak and hopeless.

They all do this, it's like the abusers rulebook.

yes it's so common there's an acronym for it
DARVO
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
you need some support IRL OP, are you in contact with a local domestic abuse service?

Yellow shirt no !!!
😢😢😢

I could cry reading that

Is there anyone to help??

Why do they do this ??

Madness

He tried to strangle me to death- he sent pictures to show 'look her neck looks fine'
Even though my hospital records from that day say otherwise !!

I just can't believe it
But now to defend my name and show that I do not abuse - I cant sum up the energy
I just broke down earlier and I can't seem to manage this all
Please help 😢😢😢😢

Thanks all

I have a lovely counsellor and a fab lady from Womans aid

When I get back on my feet I'm gong to send as many donations to WA as I can as they do so much great work
They organised a panic alarm last week also

And my work mates help too

My awful ex did this too. Every single horrid thing he ever accused me of was something he’d done. It’s very common. Most people do see through their lies.

Yellowshirt sent you a DM xx

But he has the messages I sent after the final attack when I had enough
I said he was vile, scum etc etc
He will show me up in court
Try to make me out as evil

I was nothing but good to him the whole way through all of this
Covering for him all the time

Foolish person I am

I doubt that will go against you.
You need to bear in mind all abusers never think it's their fault. It's how they justify their behaviour to themselves. 'X made me do it because they did Y'.

It shows I am a human who flipped at the very end and messaged to say you know what this is what you really are

Hate abusers

They are so entitled

I'm sorry many of you have been through similar
It is so hard
Two years on I am shell shocked

Yes, they do this
I stood in court 5 times and listened to his lies
Keep calm, do not rise, stay polite, the judge sees through it.
16 years old and he still lives, my ds is finally seeing through it as he's witnessed him treating others in exactly the same way.
Stay strong and keep talking to the professionals so that their reports are accurate for the court.
Wishing you all the best, don't give him the satisfaction of getting inside your head, do not doubt yourself, you are strong

What is the court for? Child residency?

Judges don't go through text messages if there is a dispute then Cafcass involved.

Sorry, 16 years on and he still lies

Child arrangements order

And criminal court

Surprise surprise cafcass were beyond useless

I've had this too. In a way its helpful because it means you completely give up any hope and don't ever give them the benefit of the doubt again.

Very abuser 101 to gaslight and to do what they can to make themselves the one not responsible and the victim.

I said truly horrendous things to my ex after being abused and controlled. The court was very much NOT interested in any he said she said scenarios. They wanted facts, dates reports. As I had gone to report his alarming behaviour post break up to the police, they never made a "judgement" over some sort of dispute. But they did follow my (more realistic?) Suggestions over child access. Best wishes.

Sorry to hear all this
Like they just can't help it

Praying for a restraining order 🤞🤞🤞

Ok this makes me feel so much better

As some of the texts I sent were full of bad language

But it had to be said
For me that was the last time I was able to say you know what this is Who you are

Ughhh please court see through this monster

You need to rise above this for your own sake. Retain the moral high ground, don't engage or give him any ammunition. The courts will see him for what he is. Just don't join in.

Why do there do it? I think in some cases they are so entitled and lacking in empathy for others but super sensitive about their feelings that they actually believe they are the victim.Everything they did to you is forgotten or justified, everything you did is abusive.

Yes so true

They can’t bare to see the real person they are, basically they lie to themselves as they can’t bare the truth. It’s quite sad when you have to lie to yourself as you can’t bare who you really are. Big hug, you are by far a superior human being, please don’t let him put his inferiority complex on you. He’s trying to suck your strength of you and swap it for his weakness, please stay strong and rise above it xx