Why does an abuser do this??

[dublingirl66]

Aibu or is this a common thing
The abuser turning into the victim
Claiming I am now the one who abused him because I sent messages telling he was vile and scum after abusing me for two years ??

:(

I never spoke out
Always stuck up for him and gave him thousands extra for rent
But now I'm the abuser!!!

Please tell me courts can see through this??
Thanks in advance 😢😢

Thank you all

So sorry to hear a lot of what you have been through

It resonates deeply

So hard to get over it

Louise- so very true and very well put !!!

Also re the court
Yes to the doodle pad
Looking into one today
I can do this !!!

Madness really to think that they then become the victim but it seems so common 😢🤬

@Louise91417 you did the right thing though not fighting back. To most normal people hitting someone they love or abuse of any kind just wouldn't happen. They must be twisted.
I Contacted police, banks and even recently an MP called Jess Phillips. to see if I could get support but nothing. No one is interested . Jess Phillips claims she is going to protect abuse victims.
Just an interview from the police or a phone call from the banks might of made my ex sit up and make things easier for us both but absolutely nothing.

@dublingirl66 I've just read your posts again. It sends shivers down your spine.
I couldn't live looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. I would be moving as far away as possible just for a fresh start.

Yellow Was your mp not prepared to help at all? I had thought about doing that. Any advice on how to approach it?

I did move away

I fled when he tried to kill me
Has just moved into a new place

Has to leave with one small bag never got my belongings back

Just awful

His day will come and I have to believe in the British justice system

The sad thing is that the longer the abuser gets away with their behaviour the more confident they become, although in my case this was my ex's downfall.

@Louise91417 your correct they actually get not just confident but also cocky. They try and belittle you. They think of excuses for there behaviour then blame you.

@OhioOhioOhio Twitter is a very good support network for any kind of abuse whether it be minor like I consider mine or major like some others. If you need advise from people who have been to hell and back Twitter is the place.
Also try Twitter for MPs. Jess Phillips isn't my MP but she claims to be fighting for abuse victims but she has ignored me so she is obviously all talk and she uses social media to get herself noticed

Thank you. Its the financial arrangement I'm particularly struggling with at the moment. If anyone has any tips to make cms listen I'd be so happy to hear them.

It's financial for me as well. I'm divorced but we are fighting over equity, savings and pensions.
I was under the impression if there was any issues with child maintenance it will be taken directly from wages?
There is a fantastic and easy calculator on the cms website
The financial stuff for me is one last attempt for her to hurt me and control me. She doesn't want me but also doesn't want me to have a deposit for a house and be happy.
More control.....

Thanks. Yes but he tells so many lies. This means that they are always double checking.

Does anyone know why they don't work out that being so controlling loses them all of their power.

@OhioOhioOhio

Does anyone know why they don't work out that being so controlling loses them all of their power.

That's like telling someone they would lose power over their own arm if they ceased to exert control over it - it's anathema to them. They see you as an extension of themselves, an absolute possesion.

They are neurologically disordered and there is no fixing or changing it, only getting away from it.

That's really, really helpful. Thank you. So, did getting married give him that entitlement? Or what? And, how do I break his perception?

There is no changing many of them

Mine was kicked off a d v perpetrators programme go victim blaming

You couldn't make it all up if you tried
Just awful

I'm nearly 5 years out of it and still give him too much headspace. He had debt when we met and now he's loaded. He took my money and left me skint. If it wasn't for that I'd feel more free.

I like the idea that it's such a terrible trait that they are as though they've been cursed. I can see that he thought he owned me. I still don't understand that when he did in fact 'own' me, as in, I was his wife and so desperate to please him and for his attention he didn't care. Now, he uses up endless energy to get my attention by being nasty.

@OhioOhioOhio the only way to break that perception he has is to sort your financial stuff out with him and cut all ties.
Get some kind of routine set up with regards to your children etc etc then stop all communication. Even ignore simple texts and emails. It will help him in the long run to. It will wind him up in the short term but the poor sod will get over It hay!
It has helped me not seeing my ex on social media and blocking emails and text messages. The only problem now is I get threatening letters off her solicitor regarding our finances and when I chat to my daughter on the phone her mum will sit in the background listening then occasionally jump in if she doesn't like a comment I make.

One day at a time and rise above it all when you can

I do not know how some of them live with themselves but in their minds they have done nothing wrong

Too sad for words today really 😢😢😢