Why does an abuser do this??

[dublingirl66]

Aibu or is this a common thing
The abuser turning into the victim
Claiming I am now the one who abused him because I sent messages telling he was vile and scum after abusing me for two years ??

:(

I never spoke out
Always stuck up for him and gave him thousands extra for rent
But now I'm the abuser!!!

Please tell me courts can see through this??
Thanks in advance 😢😢

Yes. Happened to my mum to the point she, as the person who was actually being mentally abused, was arrested because of my dad being so manipulative.

And cps do not do so without enough evidence to take it forward
He claims I have no evidence and that I was lying to hospital hmmm ok !???

So wait and see I guess

But trying to stay strong

My ex claims I'm lying despite me having a photograph and her parents and my daughter seeing my bruised face.
She also claims I'm lying about financial abuse despite me having 4 years of bank statements which show only she had access to the account.
It's strange the lengths people go to to hide the truth and at the same time wanting to push you off the edge of a cliff.
Are there lies even worth it really?

It is really hard 😢😢

It does get easier but it is still unbelievable that someone would bother being so ferocious for no actual reason.

Oh yes, after a few years I'm barely ever shocked by his behaviour
But he's now very afraid that I will tell his new wife to be all about his abuse. He's actually asked me what I say to her. Prick

By 'asked'i mean demanded to know.

Yeah years later mine is still desperate to fight me.

Exact same thing happened to me. It’s an absolute mind fuck.
You shout obscenities at them hoping they’ll hate you and leave you alone but it just makes them cling on more. I would get so angry.

Like they justify what they did
Explain it all away

He always told me that I could not speak up after the event otherwise it never happened - err no it was hard to speak up with your hands around my throat !!!
In court I'm just trying to visualise how I will block his words and lies out and not let them get to me
I know I can do it

This is the best thread about this I've read. No one speaks of being accussed of being an abuser. I just said to my parents the other day that I'd live to scratch is nasty bloody eyes out but I know he'd love it. He'd delight in proving to everyone that I'm mental or depressed or whatever. He'd relish in his, 'I gave her everything and look what I have to put up with,' story.

Mine used to shout over me, interrupt me and lie. I didn't know he was lying. It was impossible to rationalise with him.

@OhioOhioOhio you have hit the nail on the head. They push you and push you trying to get you to look bad then they can justify there abuse.

Awful

Really sorry to hear that

Some of my friends used to ask why I didn't hit him back!!
Thank gosh it never occurred to me
Was too overpowered to even speak out most of the time let alone lash out

I hadn't realised until you said it like that Yellow but that's exactly what he did, and why. Omg. It was so terrible. I guess that must be why grey rock works so well. Honestly he is desperate to fight me. Anything, anything at all. I don't even let him see me when we swap the kids. So do you think the grey rock ignore technique frustrates them because it makes them face up to the fact they 'lost'?

They do it because they are twisted fuckers and they believe they're own lies. My ex would whisper insults in a crowded room, full of hatred, in the hope that i would raise my voice and i would look bad. I actually think my ex wanted me to hit him so he could play the victim...i behaved like a whimp with him..i didnt argue back, call him names, insult him...i took his vileness for the sake of my ds. Now looking back i wish i had kicked his balls into the back of his throat and when im down i visualise this an it brings me some comfort but the one thing i know is the bastard didnt beat me..he didnt win. Im not so evil and twisted inside like him that my goal in life is to destroy someone, to strip them of their self esteem, to be so consumed by hatred eating me from the inside that i have to control and insult and cause misery. If my ex (like all abusers) wasnt such scum id pity him...the mask always falls..courts see through lying scum like this.

What a great post Louise. I can totally relate. That's why I didn't retaliate either. Why am I still his hobby?

@OhioOhioOhio your still his hobby because he hasn't broken you. Like my ex I'm still her hobby because we need to go to court and sort financial stuff and she thinks I deserve nothing. So she keeps pushing telling my daughter lies and telling me I'm a shit dad in the hope I snap. And bloody hell it's tough but why can't my ex see the damage to my daughter if she breaks me. And yes I'll tell anyone I'm not a perfect dad but I always tried to do my best.
I just don't understand why people are not ashamed of themselves and at least try to help others by just not lying. They still want that control.

So awful. mine used to tell me my mum loves him like a son in law, so she wouldn't believe me 'playing the victim'. Good luck OP.

Yellow Do you think he's still trying to break me?

@OhioOhioOhio I hope my ex will stop once our finances are settled. The ties at the moment are a killer for me.
She is hoping I step in front of a train.
I've never heard of the grey rock. Are you not divorced yet? Once our finances are settled I'm free as I won't allow the fact we have a 15 year old daughter together to let her control me but I suppose it is harder to be free if you have younger kids as communication is a must???

@dublingirl66 doodle pad? Would you be able to listen to music, or give your evidence via video link? Something to keep you busy/ something to focus on and block him out. Do you have an support to attend with you from Women's Aid and such?

My ex was physically abusive and is still very emotionally abusive towards me. He guilt trips me because we’re no longer together and says all sorts of horrible things to me and plays the victim. He ignores everything he ever did to me and focuses more on painting me as this cold hearted uncaring bitch who wrecked his life because I told him to leave.
His family buy in to it too and aren’t bothered that he physically assaulted me many times during the relationship. Their focus is all on me not letting him live here anymore. Sickens me it does.

Yes, we still 'communicate'. Except now I don't believe a word he says and I tell him the bare minimum. He uses all my words as a stick to beat me with. It toon me years to learn that lesson but now I damned well have. I guess I'll never understand what makes them able to justify their behaviour or why they behave like that in the first place. The law does so little to protect the victim it makes me sick.