I don't want to go away with them!

[Nonotthisagain]

DP and I have arranged to go away for the weekend with another couple. We've been away together before and he knows it was my least favourite weekend away ever. I'm late 40's as is my partner and his friend, but friend's girlfriend is 15 ish years younger than us so I do feel older and frumpier than her (also I'm a bit heavier post lockdown!)

It's getting closer and I absolutely do not want to go. I never have any desire to go away with other couples, we're always really happy just us together but this was arranged when we were all a bit tipsy!

I'm now so so anxious about it and dreading going. I don't have much money to spare and don't want to spend it on a weekend I desperately don't want to go on and will feel shit about myself.

I know I shouldn't have agreed to it at the time - do I have to just suck it up now? Would it be awful to cry off?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

You have to pay money, make unnecessary effort AND and not enjoy yourself? Why would you bother? What's in it for you? Nothing!

Nah, don't go. Make an excuse, work, the lurgy ...

YANBU - life's too short, but make an excuse and cancel, the sooner the better. We've all been through very stressful times, take care of you, give yourself a break.

I agree with Whenwillow :
I'd be surprised if the other couple are wildly excited about it too. They'll probably be relieved!

But calcel sooner rather than later. And I do hope you feel better soon, there's nothing wrong with you, don't beat yourself up.

OP how well do you actually know this woman? Do you know that you have nothing in common or are you just assuming based on age?

A close mate of mine got a younger girlfriend a while ago, she was stunning, very posh and only in her late teens whereas we were mid twenties. She made me really nervous, I hadn't a clue what to say to her. Once I got over myself and my own insecurities and had a proper conversation with her I discovered that we had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company. She split with my friend years ago but we still keep in touch.

Now I find myself on the other side of the coin, my DP is older than me (similar ages to your situation). It can be awkward being 15 years younger than the average age of the group but it doesn't have to be an issue. There are any amount of things you might have to talk about regardless of age. I'd say she is probably as nervous as you. You never know, you might have a good laugh with her once you get there!

That said, if you really don't want to go then cancel. It's not worth tormenting yourself for weeks if you are certain that you won't enjoy it. Like PP have said though, I'd cancel sooner rather than later.

If you don't mind losing the money then just say you can't go. (It sounds like my idea of hell 😉 but also easy to agree to on the spur of the moment) They can either go alone or invite someone else for a freebie!

Cancel and have a lovely break with your DP and forget about it.

It won't work for you I don't think.

Couples holidays and family holidays are a no no in our house.

We get on great when we have our own space, but to be together for a week would kill us all. Just saying.

If you don't want to go, don't go
Life is too short to force yourself to do things you're pretty sure you're not going to enjoy.
I completely understand what you said about the menopause - for me it really heightened my anxiety about everything so I've cancelled nights out if I've just not been able to face it.
Cancel asap and take the pressure off yourself x

In your place with this set of circumstances I absolutely would cancel. I’d insist DH go if he wants, and then enjoy the weekend alone - it would be a real treat. I’d invent something (prior engagement I’d forgotten or appointment I couldn’t miss or similar) for the other couple so it gave me a reasonable get out, but I’d also expect dh to support me, esp as he allowed it to be booked knowing I hated the last one 😬
Obvs pay whatever you have to so they’re not out of pocket at all.
They’d all have a better time without me tagging along anyway.

Your 40 years old. If you do not want to go, do not go. No messing about. Im in my 30s and have no time for all that. If I'll hate it I'm not doing it. Maybe Im just selfish though

So true, spent too much of my 20s doing stuff I hated. Mid 30s now and I’ve not got time for any of that

You don't want to go. So don't. You really don't have to.
Just say No.

Just a question here, and I understand the issue, but why oh why did you agree to this arrangement when you probably knew it was not going to end well anyway.

Either way say you are not going. End of story. Women are too often taken for granted in these arrangements aren't they? If OH objects well you have another answer anyway. And it is not about you either.

Would that mean a strop from OP or what? I don't know. You tell us.

OH

@Nonotthisagain life's too short to dread things like this!

If you don't wanna go don't go! Now is the perfect time as you have the perfect excuse with COVID! Just say you don't feel safe enough to travel yet 🤷🏼‍♀️