for thinking my dd isn't eating enough?

[helenc70]

sorry i'm posting here for traffic. she has never eaten much since she was a child and always very skinny. she's been taken to the doctors many times but they've always said there's nothing they can do. her hair is quite thin but other than this and being very skinny, there's no other health issues. when i say skinny, i mean there is literally nothing to her. i do think she's underweight but i don't want to weigh her as she's a teenager so i couldn't force her and i don't want to make her insecure or anything. she's quite short too, 5'2ish. she usually eats one chocolate brioche and a small glass of milk in the morning. usually a sandwich (no crusts), a packet of crisps, chocolate biscuit and a babybel/cheese string for lunch, but she rarely finishes everything. for dinner it's usually spaghetti bol, takeaway or freezer food (chicken nuggets, fish fingers, potato waffles, beans, you get the idea). please don't judge the bad diet, this is all she will eat. she's always picked at her food. sometimes we'll have a cooked breakfast on the weekend, and she'll eat maybe half a slice of toast dipped into a fried egg, a small spoonful of beans, a slice of bacon and a bite of a sausage. we always give her a normal size portion, but this is all she will eat. she just never seems to be hungry. when she's at school she would buy a brownie from the canteen but always always gives some to her friends. when she's had sleepovers, we'll buy doritos and she'll eat maybe 2, her friends eat much more than this. she'll have a slice of pizza and one potato wedge and her friends will have at least 2 slices of pizza, a cookie and some wedges. another thing is she eats very very slowly, always at the table at least 20 minutes after everyone else has finished eating, even with her small portions. please let me know if this is normal and i just have skewed expectations of what is normal (i'm overweight myself, always have been). her little sister is also very skinny but she has asd so that is mainly from not wanting to eat because of texture issues.

sorry, i meant to mention she is 14, almost 15 but has been like this since a little baby, she didn't eat for long periods of time when she was only just a year and ended in hospital because she just refused everything we gave her.

This must be really worrying for you, I'm sorry you are going through it! How old is she now? Could you perhaps get her involved in cooking/shopping and see if there is anything different she would eat or she may choose different things from the supermarket that may encourage her too eat more? Perhaps she may enjoy healthy smoothies?

@Cheesecakejar thanks, she's 14 almost 15 now. i have tried everything i can think of, i have gotten her involved with shopping and she just points out the cereal she wants (krave! of all cereal) and her usual things (what i mentioned in the op). i've tried getting her involved with the cooking but she couldn't be less bothered if she tried. she does enjoy baking sometimes, if it's cupcakes she'll eat one but usually leave some of it, if she eats it all of one then she normally leaves more than usual of her next meal.

I was also never hungry as a child and can eat very little as an Adult. I was diagnosed as having Gastroparesis. I would try not to make her eat more, but to change what she is eating into something healthier. I know it is not easy with a teenager. I have found that being able to manage such a small amount of food, I really have to make each mouthful healthy.

Maybe start providing healthier dinners just so there is more veg on the table? Not in a pointed way - make sure you're all having it. Being healthy for covid is a big reason.

@FLOrenze believe me, i have tried. she will eat salad if it's with a meal (i try and do one with most meals because this is about the only time she'll eat vegetables). i've tried not buying the crisps and biscuits but if the alternative is something she doesn't like, she just will not eat it, so i'm thinking because she's so skinny, it's better she eats that than nothing at all. ive also, as i said taken her to the doctors throughout her whole life, and they've never said anything about a possible medical condition.

One more thing is to try not to show how worried you are about her. You sound very understanding. Unlike my own mother who would hover and try to encourage to eat just a little bit more. This made me so anxious, any appetite I did have would disappear.

I was at nursery school in the1950s and my mother would say that ‘she would often pick me up at 3pm To find me still sitting at the lunch table with a plate of cold food.‘ I was 3 years old and was not allowed to leave the table until the meal was finished.

The point I am making with this example is that your daughter is not being wilful. She has a genuine condition and only you can help her manage it.

Doe she have periods? That would give an idea of whether she is eating enough for her body's needs.

@Lelophants i do provide healthy dinners. she will eat the things she wants but the thing is, unlike her sister with asd where she has certain things she will not touch, she seems to make up her mind as to what things she wants to actually eat day by day. so one night i'll make a meal and she'll eat some of it (again, a tiny portion), and then i'll make it again and she outright refuses it. i don't think it's a fussiness thing, and i'm certainly not as worried about the quality of her meals as i am the quantity of them.

Hard to know if she's underweight without knowing her weight, but what size clothes does she wear? Is she active? Tired? Cold? Prone to infections? Etc etc.

she does have periods i believe, obviously i'm not 100% on this but i am pretty sure she does. but she started puberty later than all of her friends, not more than a year ago actually.

Without an actual weight to go by, it’s just your perception that she’s skinny. My mother used to whinge about me being skinny but on the scales I was overweight. Make sure she’s actually skinny before you mention it. The amount of food she eats sounds ok but it’s very unhealthy, I’d focus on improving the quality of her diet rather than on her weight.

I think some people are born this way, rather than this being an eating disorder thats been sort of developed. I had a cousin that was incredibly similar - tiny, picky and disinterested in food pretty much from birth. She picked up running as a hobby - and when she got a coach, the coach was insistent on the only way he would train her was if she ate the right amount of food, so he put her on a meal plan, and she did it purely to keep up a hobby that she loves safely. Its the only way she eats ‘the average amount’ of the right foods to this day.

@villamariavintrapp usually a size 4 fits right if not a little big, sometimes a 6 but they're very very baggy on her. her hands do look like they do when you're very cold, almost pink and veiny. not very active, she goes to the park with her friends after school sometimes (well, used to!), and did PE 2 times a week at school, but not much more than that. she doesn't seem overly tired, i often find her up at 2am on her phone!

Have you asked for a referral to a dietician?

There is almost zero nourishment in the foods you have described - she is likely to be malnourished. I would be asking for bloods and a referral to a dietician, or paying privately to see one.

Does she cook or make her own food?

I know what you mean about the Doctor. I was taken several times as a child, and never diagnosed. A lot of doctors dismiss teenagers as ‘putting it on’ Or children as ‘fussy eaters’ they won’t accept that a patient physically Cannot manage a normal portion.

It was only as an adult that I got the Diagnosis. The GP weighed me and was concerned about my BMI. I was exceptionally lucky, because she told me her own daughter was the same.

I think it’s just normal for some teens to be skinnier. Not all have filled out at this age - and if she only started puberty last year then that would point to that.

It sounds like she’s eating, so I think you just need to monitor. You can’t force more food down her. All you can do really is try to get her to be more open to other foods - her diet is limited for sure.

Is she taking a decent multi vit/mineral?

She seems to eat a lot of sugar/processed food. What would happen if you stopped buying chocolate brioche, biscuits, crisps and processed freezer food?
If it's not in the house then she can't eat it.
Can you gently encourage/reward her for trying new foods and eating a greater variety? She's old enough to start understanding the impact of a healthy diet

Her diet reminds me of someone from one of those super skinny tv programmes where their diet is monitored and you see that they don't eat much but all of it is high sugar processed rubbish.

My dd is nearly 7 and very similar. Gospital have said she is on 25th centile (has been since birth) so aren't worried.

what does your dd say is the issue?

A size 4 in what shop? Lots of teenagers are skinny - I was. I certainly am not anymore. If she is 5ft 2 then it sounds like she petite.

The quality of her diet doesn't sound great but it isn't horrendous.

Unless you know she is underweight, I don't think you can really do anything.

i don't honestly think she's fussy. she'll eat the meals i make, sorry if i didn't make that very clear. it's just she never ever eats all of it unless it's something listed in my op. she'll eat different parts of the meal iyswim. so if we have burger and chips, she'll either eat some of the burger or some of the meal. but the meals in my op she'll generally eat most of.

Do you have a trusted friend/sister etc who is a healthy weight you could ask for their opinion on your DDs weight. Just in case you think she is unhealthily thin but she's actually towards the bottom end of normal.
5'2" is short but not unusually so for an adult woman, so she might just be petite with a small appetite or there might be more to it.

(I've been the skinny teenager and slim adult, I ate well as a teen as I did lots of sport but as a 20 something office worker with no DC yet I was never that hungry, and would struggle to finish a restaurant meal etc)

size 4 in primark (where she gets a lot of her clothes) are normally a little baggy, never 'tight fitted'. with the cloth shorts for example (pyjama type), she has to draw the strings almost all the way to make them stay around her waist. i wouldn't be so worried about her being skinny if she ate a proper amount, and if she wasn't literally just skin and bone. and i don't think she's got a 'naturally' small frame, as me and her father arent little things and i wouldn't be if i lost weight either (i know it's not just down to genetics, but some families are naturally petite). i've asked her why she doesn't eat much and she just says she doesn't feel like it

At her height being a size 4 and eating less than her friends could be perfectly normal. I think without a weight/bmi to go on this entire discussion is a bit pointless. She is eating and her diet seems fairly high in calories if a bit unhealthy - if you are worried about a medical condition you do need to get her weighed otherwise nobody will bother to investigate.

even just looking at her compared to her friends, you can see she is very little. and her friends aren't 'big' either, all i would say healthy weights, slim. it has been commented on a few times too, on how small she is.