for thinking my dd isn't eating enough?

[helenc70]

sorry i'm posting here for traffic. she has never eaten much since she was a child and always very skinny. she's been taken to the doctors many times but they've always said there's nothing they can do. her hair is quite thin but other than this and being very skinny, there's no other health issues. when i say skinny, i mean there is literally nothing to her. i do think she's underweight but i don't want to weigh her as she's a teenager so i couldn't force her and i don't want to make her insecure or anything. she's quite short too, 5'2ish. she usually eats one chocolate brioche and a small glass of milk in the morning. usually a sandwich (no crusts), a packet of crisps, chocolate biscuit and a babybel/cheese string for lunch, but she rarely finishes everything. for dinner it's usually spaghetti bol, takeaway or freezer food (chicken nuggets, fish fingers, potato waffles, beans, you get the idea). please don't judge the bad diet, this is all she will eat. she's always picked at her food. sometimes we'll have a cooked breakfast on the weekend, and she'll eat maybe half a slice of toast dipped into a fried egg, a small spoonful of beans, a slice of bacon and a bite of a sausage. we always give her a normal size portion, but this is all she will eat. she just never seems to be hungry. when she's at school she would buy a brownie from the canteen but always always gives some to her friends. when she's had sleepovers, we'll buy doritos and she'll eat maybe 2, her friends eat much more than this. she'll have a slice of pizza and one potato wedge and her friends will have at least 2 slices of pizza, a cookie and some wedges. another thing is she eats very very slowly, always at the table at least 20 minutes after everyone else has finished eating, even with her small portions. please let me know if this is normal and i just have skewed expectations of what is normal (i'm overweight myself, always have been). her little sister is also very skinny but she has asd so that is mainly from not wanting to eat because of texture issues.

I wouldn’t worry too much tbh, I used to be like this, was very underweight, went to the doctors and they said it’s normal for some children, once I hit 16 my appetite shot up as did my weight and I was a size 10 by the time I was 17/18. I just had a small appetite, my dad was the same, no idea why, she sounds like I was.

I am sorry if I seem over-invested in this thread. The reason is that I have had a lifetime of remarks about my sons’ weight and my own. When I mentioned light frame, I think that is because I too have this.

My SIL and I gave birth at the same time. Both babies weighed 6lb 10oz.
However to hold the babies my niece felt much heavier than my son.
Even as teenagers, when I larked about with my sons I could lift them quite easily. I don’t understand it fully.

OP I think she sounds fine, I'm 5'1 and was a size 4 or less at her age. Now I'm a 6 after 2 kids at age 35. It can just be natural for some people. But Ofcourse keep trying to change her diet to healthier stuff

thanks everyone it's good to know she doesn't sound too bad. i think as i have been overweight since childhood i have a skewed idea of what is normal. and when she was a child and had to go to hospital multiple times for not eating, that has scared me and now i'm maybe hyperviligant about it. looking at her, you can definitely see that she's small framed, not just because she's skinny but her actual structure is tiny. her wrist bones are very small, i think maybe she naturally has smaller bones and this makes her look even smaller than if she had a normal frame. i do try and give her milk with her dinner but she seems to eat even less, i think it fills her up too much

I would ignore posters saying 1200 is normal, maybe for an older person or someone who has dieted on and off and slowed their metabolism but it’s not enough for a teen of that age. Almost everyone eating that little is doing so to either loose or control their weight. Lots of posters on here themselves have eating disorders. Definitely worth a visit to the gp. On that amount of calories I lose at least 2lbs a month

Personally, I WOULD worry. I would start by weighing her- you and she really need to know if she is dangerously underweight. I wouldn't make any reference to eating disorders, just a straightforward-'look, you seem a bit too thin, we need to weigh you. '
Then you can go from there. If she's on the low end of normal weight, fine, just check again in six months. If she is very underweight she needs to see GP.
I know lots of posters are saying it's fine, but lots of teens have eating disorders (or other medical issues) for a very long time before they get any help. Good luck!

2lbs a week that should stay

ah, okay . i may ask to weigh her in a minute then. i really don't think she's doing this to lose weight. like i said, she's been a 'food refuser' since a little baby, and never seemed to have much of an appetite. i was thinking 1200 seemed very little, but i'm very uneducated on these things so i'm taking any guidance i can get

I would have a conversation with your daughter. I’m worried that you seem underweight and that you are not eating healthy food. Weigh her and then you will know. It’s pointless trying to guess how much she weighs and trying to guess if she has periods. Talk to her.
Look at the BMI calculator for her weight and height if it’s very underweight take her back to the doctor and ask for a referral to a dietician.
If she only takes a vitamin when she remembers then take responsibility for it and give her one each day.
I’m understand not wanting to talk to tens about their weight in case they develop disordered raging but there’s a big difference between an honest conversation and nagging

Mumsnet isn’t a great place to get good advice about Eating Disorders, OP. There’s a lot of competitive undereating and normalisation of disordered eating.

I would suggest contacting Beat, the Eating Disorders charity.

However, as well as thinking in terms of Eating Disorders I’m also wondering about sensory issues or asd. Due to the limited diet and the fact that yousay your other dd is autistic.

OP I think I would be seeing the GP again and pushing for referral to a dietician/nutritionist. I'm not saying to be worried, but you know your DD better than anyone and you have concerns. Her diet sounds like it could be storing up problems for her later in life. How is her dental health?

In the meantime, would she have smoothies? You can add yoghurt/peanut butter etc for extra protein. How would she respond to YouTube cookery shows aimed at young people/students?

Can you talk to her about her role models, whether sportspeople or singers/actresses and discuss their bodies positively? Show her how they need good diets and exercise plans in order to compete/be healthy.

Could you exercise together (1-1 or as a family) as a way to bond but also to become 'healthier' together?

My DD is only just 5 but has never been a big eater. She will eat a limited diet and that’s it. If I give her something she doesn’t like, she just won’t eat. She is very small for her age and skinny. I think some children are just like that. Obviously as a teenager I would be more concerned, but it’s great she’s eating something. At her age it will be hard for you to do much to change her habits, but she will grow out of it (I used to have limited diet too but eat most things now). If you make a big thing of it you could freak her out into hiding her eating habits from you which is something I would avoid at all costs.

i've just weighed her.. she weighs 87lbs i googled it and apparently she needs to gain 21lbs to be healthy weight! she didn't seem too bothered until i told her that's underweight! i'm not really sure what to do i can't force food into her.. and i genuinely think she has a tiny stomach as she can't seem to handle much food at all. i asked her if she's getting periods, after i saw how small the number on the scale was.. she said sometimes, but not every month i'm not sure if this is just because she's only started puberty recently and they're still sorting themselves out. i'll be booking an appointment with her doctor again, but i'm not sure how far we'll get as no luck the previous times we've been!

Is she tired all the time? Is she prone to infection? Does she get cuts and bruises which take a long time to heal? Is her body covered in a light, downy hair? How is her dental health?

These are all symptoms of someone who is unhealthy due to diet and weight. If she is not showing the above symptoms I would suggest she is just naturally slight.

My DM worried about me at that age. I’m 5ft2 and when I was 18 I weighed 7st, dropped below that anytime I was ill. I picked at food. I put on half a stone when I went to uni, I never had an ED or anything wrong I just was never fussed about food.

Her diet doesn’t sound great, and it would be good to know how much she weighs.

helenc70 have you used the NHS bmi calculator? As depending on when she turned 15 it puts her at 2nd centile. She needs to gain 3-5lbs to be in the healthy weight range. So not too bad!

@dotdashdashdash ah, that's not too bad then! i must have entered something wrong because it has said 21lbs but i wasn't using the nhs one so that might also be a factor in that!

@helenc70

is it really okay? i thought i read somewhere that even sedentary teenagers need 2000 calories a day, and she's only getting about 1200

I think calories sound ok too. And to be blunt if you and her father are overweight it's likely you have skewed ideas about what a normal weight looks like. 2000 calories for a short slim built girl is way too much unless she's running several miles every day.

And how can you now know if she's started her periods yet?

I think the key might be to get hidden 'good' calories into the meals she eats much like you'd add extra veg to food to hide from a toddler. Add spoonfuls of ground flax seed to meals, you can't see or taste it but it is very nutritious and 90 cals a tablespoon. If she likes babybel give her two and get rid of the empty calories in the crisps and chocolate bars possibly swapping to cereal bars with nuts in or Natural bars high in protein. If she eats sandwiches swap to a more nutritious bread etc. Make sure she takes multivitamins but it sounds like she would need properly prescribed ones from a Dr / dietician/nutritionist. If she is a grazer perhaps have healthy stuff, nuts or dried fruit or veg sticks she can pick at.

There is a rare condition that prevents people putting on fat at all but the lady I've seen who has it on embarrassing bodies or similar was skeletal I think you'd know if she had it.

Any chance she could also be on the ASD spectrum? It tends to run in families and it's much harder to pick up in girls.

I put her bmi into the nhs child bmi calculator and it placed her on the 1st centile. Her BMI is 15.8 and the clinical definition for anorexia is a BMI below 17.5

That’s seriously underweight OP and i’d Be surprised if she is having periods.

She’s the same height as my ten year old and 1st 9lb lighter. My ten year old is fairly slim and muscular.

Please please ignore the posters telling you not to worry OP. As someone who had an ED for most of my teen and young adult life, you absolutely have a responsibility to act now and not be robbed off by a GP either.

1200 calories is NOT ok. Please ignore this dangerous advice and find an expert in Eating Disorders. The Beat helpline is a good place to start.

Lockdownfatigue I get her as 3rd centile on the NHS calculator. Which is healthy weight.

Early treatment of anorexia is absolutely crucial.

It’s not always about a fear of gaining weight to look fat either. I have seen people in Eating Disorders units with sensory aversion to food , fear of contamination / vomiting and various other reasons for disordered food intake.

Please see the nhs link to how many calories teenage girls should be eating www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/how-many-calories-do-teenagers-need/. Ignore posters saying 1200 is enough, this is seriously dangerous advice. It maybe be enough for them, but not for a teenager

the clinical definition for anorexia is a BMI below 17.5

For an adult, not a child.