To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

[waitandseee]

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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• * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================

I have been signed off work with stress twice when heavily pg ( pre eclampsia then set in) and dh has been signed off for months with stress. All quite genuine and life changing stuff.

We kept off socail media though. In fact I kept a low profile generally. Working 20 hours at 8 mo this pg and having blood preesutec

Oops posted to soon.

Blood pressure of 190/120 wasnt reason enough for my childless boss as she had a BP reading of 160/110 at a pre OP once.

However she didn't get that while pg your placenta can sheer off and you hemorrhage to death in minutes with that kind of BP. So I didn't waste my breath explaining.

I was signed off for stress a few years back. Only 2 weeks. I was told specifically by the doc not to stay at home. To go out shopping/exercising etc. I did just that. Never been signed off since.

@Legoandloldolls

Oops posted to soon.

Blood pressure of 190/120 wasnt reason enough for my childless boss as she had a BP reading of 160/110 at a pre OP once.

However she didn't get that while pg your placenta can sheer off and you hemorrhage to death in minutes with that kind of BP. So I didn't waste my breath explaining.

Sorry that happened to you. But I doubt her being childless was anything to do with it. She was just an arsehole.

I have a similar colleague who has been seen walking her dogs and hanging out on the beach. She has severe mental health problems and has attempted suicide a few times and nearly succeeded.
She goes out walking and sits on the beach to try and get some peace.
It's best not to second guess whats wrong with people, management will be aware what is going on and will deal with it accordingly.

This drives me mad! Just because she if off sick doesn't mean she is chained to the house. Maybe it is her mental health and she really needs to get away for a bit.

This is not your business.

I can see why seeing the photos you might assume she's being a CF (and she might be in truth) but the simple fact of being on a beach doesn't mean you're all being had.

I had a hysterectomy years ago. For the first few weeks I was laid up with pain and discomfort and went nowhere. As I geared myself up to return to work I needed to build strength so I was out walking in the fresh air everyday. I met friends for lunch etc. Tbh it was a nice couple of weeks. I certainly wasn't well enough to work. I was knackered after being out of the house for a couple of hours. But if I had posted a photo of me at lunch people might have assumed I was taking the piss.

Recovery from lots of illnesses require a return to normal over time before being fit enough to work. Try to ignore her posts.

This drives me mad! Just because she if off sick doesn't mean she is chained to the house. Maybe it is her mental health and she really needs to get away for a bit.

But it was very unwise of her to post pictures of her enjoying herself on social media. Regardless of why she was off it kind of rubs everyone else's nose in it, especially if they are picking up her work while she is off.

And that is why people get annoyed and think she is taking the proverbial. You must understand that, surely?

@diggadoo

Something similar to this happened with someone I know recently. One of their work colleagues had been off sick and then posted some pictures of them at a very beautiful and exclusive looking beach and guest house. Several people complained about it to work and got no joy, so a couple of them even descended onto the post to taunt the person for "skiving." It turned out they'd received a cancer diagnosis and were having some time to come to terms with it before starting chemo.

Don't be a dick. Your arse might get bitten pretty hard.

That happened in a school I worked in once. A teacher went off suddenly. Then lots of photos appeared on Facebook, not her account, but her tagged in them by close family, of days out to the beach, family gatherings, special day trips.

Some colleagues grumbled in the staff room, a few deeply unpleasant ones couldn't help commenting, and then commenting again when their comments were deleted. They constantly banged on about it even when the Head firmly, but politely said it was nothing to do with them. Most people twigged that something was going on. One horrible, horrible one then posted a very nasty comment on a photo of the teacher and her child along the lines of it being alright for some spending time with their kids when the rest of us were picking up her slack. Even when told again by the SMT to behave in their rightous rage they kept banging on and on.

A few weeks later the Head told us all that the teacher's child had been given a terminal diagnosis and had been taken into hospice for their last few days.

@Ginfordinner

This drives me mad! Just because she if off sick doesn't mean she is chained to the house. Maybe it is her mental health and she really needs to get away for a bit.

But it was very unwise of her to post pictures of her enjoying herself on social media. Regardless of why she was off it kind of rubs everyone else's nose in it, especially if they are picking up her work while she is off.

And that is why people get annoyed and think she is taking the proverbial. You must understand that, surely?

It only rubs noses in it if people are being petty. Should people not post holiday photos because their colleagues are at work?

If people are off work then what they do with their time, and their social media, is their business. If people get arsey about their colleagues postings on SM they should just remove themselves from said SM.

YABU. The reason for her time off is between her, her doctor and her manager. Mind your own business.

This is the problem. Things like this is why we still have such a long way to go in terms of understanding and appreciating mental health equally to physical health.

People think if they can't see a physical limb hanging off or whatever then you're absolutely fine and dandy.

I've had so many times off work in the past few years. I've had 11 miscarriages. I've wanted to end my life.

There were days during those times off where my husband may have taken me to the beach in desperation or taken me walking to try and get some life back into me. Just to make me smile again for the first time in ages.

I would have been heartbroken if I knew my colleagues were all sat at work bitching about me and why I wasn't in. Thinking I was just lazy and taking the piss. Although to be honest, when I've been really bad I probably wouldn't have cared as I didn't care about anything.

I also don't see why you think management have a responsibility to tell you anything about this woman's personal circumstances. They don't and if they are decent managers, they wouldn't dream of doing so. I know there is no way my boss would have told anyone what I was going through if they'd asked, she would have told them to mind their own business and rightly so.

@FruitLoopyLoo

This is the problem. Things like this is why we still have such a long way to go in terms of understanding and appreciating mental health equally to physical health.

People think if they can't see a physical limb hanging off or whatever then you're absolutely fine and dandy.

I've had so many times off work in the past few years. I've had 11 miscarriages. I've wanted to end my life.

There were days during those times off where my husband may have taken me to the beach in desperation or taken me walking to try and get some life back into me. Just to make me smile again for the first time in ages.

I would have been heartbroken if I knew my colleagues were all sat at work bitching about me and why I wasn't in. Thinking I was just lazy and taking the piss. Although to be honest, when I've been really bad I probably wouldn't have cared as I didn't care about anything.

I also don't see why you think management have a responsibility to tell you anything about this woman's personal circumstances. They don't and if they are decent managers, they wouldn't dream of doing so. I know there is no way my boss would have told anyone what I was going through if they'd asked, she would have told them to mind their own business and rightly so.

Would you have put the photos on Facebook though?

Precisely why facebook is not for work friends. To be fair though I had a sub total thyroidectomy about 30 years ago and was signed off for Six weeks. I was as right a ninepence after two and said I'd be back at work on Monday. The HR lady phoned and said I couldn't go back unless the Dr signed me back as fit for work. Took two days to get a Drs apt. The Dr actually said "these periods of time are designed for people who do manual work but most people just enjoy the time off". I thought that was truly shocking. Similar happened when I fractured a vertebrae. Dr wanted to sign me off for four weeks. I refused and asked for one week. One week later I returned to work, two weeks after the fall. I am pretty sure I recovered as well as I did because after the forst 4/5 days I made myself keep going after having a cry on day 3 and giving myself a talking to.

Personally I think it would be helpful if Drs were less inclined to sign people off.

OP you sound like someone just waiting to snitch on a colleague... seeing as you haven't come back to this thread at all, here's a question please @waitandseee

• are you going to tell the boss?

Would you have put the photos on Facebook though?

Does it matter? And yes I think a few times I was tagged in photos by my husband or friends. One time my friends all came round and made me dinner and had wine to try and cheer me up. There were photos on Facebook of that. No one knows that when they left I cried myself to sleep for the remaining evening though because it's just pictures, they tell us nothing of substance about a person's life.

A colleague had a similar thing happen to the poster above my last comment except it was their husband who'd received a sudden terminal diagnosis. Some of us at work actually did know because she'd told us but not everyone.

They went out all over the place in his last few months, doing whatever they could and spending whatever time they had left on his good days making happy memories and yes they posted it on Facebook. He died not long after that. I'd never begrudge her those final times with him, she was devastated.

It's absolutely fuck all to do with anyone but her managers and her doctor.

We have absolutely no idea what is going on with this woman. If she's taking the piss, that's up to management to deal with, they are the ones who will have seen her sick note and spoken to her though so only they can make that call.

If OP has too much work on then discuss that with management. But don't go in asking about another person's medical history.

Even when a covid type situation is not around people do this. My Aunt was a lecturer at a colleague. The first day of term some other lecturer was there, then the rest of the time he was off ill on a beach in Greece! Obvs allergic to England ...or work.

There is no better thing than being by the sea, woods, countryside or outdoors in general for wellbeing. She may have had a cancer diagnosis and is spending time with family.
She may have depression. She may have had to be heavily persuaded just to go out of her house to the beach in the first place. The camera doesn't pick up true facts.Her 'happiness and healthy' appearance as you put it might be masking a multiple of things.
It's really none of your business.

@TylluanBach

There is no better thing than being by the sea, woods, countryside or outdoors in general for wellbeing. She may have had a cancer diagnosis and is spending time with family. She may have depression. She may have had to be heavily persuaded just to go out of her house to the beach in the first place. The camera doesn't pick up true facts.Her 'happiness and healthy' appearance as you put it might be masking a multiple of things. It's really none of your business.

best post on here...all of this.

Why do some people care so much about perceived fairness and what others are doing?

Stay in your own lane, do your work. Maybe someday (I pray hopefully not) you might need some time of your own.

Perhaps then your colleagues will then frown at you, not understanding the nuances of your own condition.

But it was very unwise of her to post pictures of her enjoying herself on social media. Regardless of why she was off it kind of rubs everyone else's nose in it, especially if they are picking up her work while she is off.

Why? presumably she has friends on facebook? they should be happy that she's recovering. If they have to do her work how is that her fault? It's not. It is the manager who should be getting extra staff in.

And that is why people get annoyed and think she is taking the proverbial. You must understand that, surely?

the conversations around what people do when they're too sick to work but need to have recovery time (mental or physical health) have been around and prominent for ages now. Surely adults understand that?

OP - whats the first thing people say after a suicide? 'They always seemed so happy, we had no idea!'

Nothing is quite as it seems op, so shes having fun, you have no idea why shes sick. Sickness and illness, like disability is often hidden so unless they've been banging on about a physical ailment like a bad back and have been seen laying a patio whilst apparently ill then yiur just going to have to accept its non of your business.

AS for posting on facebook, so what? You dont have the information to judge in fact you know jack about the illness. So stop judging and worry more about enjoying your own life instead of criticising the lives of others.

I voted YANBU but when my brothers partner was dieing of cancer they tried to get him out and about until the pain and tiredness was too unbearable.

I meant partners brother. Need coffee.

Ask her.