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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

413 replies

waitandseee · 27/07/2020 19:43

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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  • * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================
OP posts:
Bumply · 28/07/2020 08:37

Just over a year ago I was off sick with stress and going on trips to get away from anything that reminded me of work.
I didn't post on public FB though, for fear of this kind of response.

Kat92 · 28/07/2020 08:41

I had a lot of time off at the end of last year and beginning of this year due to a missed miscarriage.
I was obviously off work right away. The day after we found out about the MMC we went out to Harvester and had a meal, I felt absolutely awful mentally but at the meal I had a nice "normal" conversation with my husband - as being out of the house let me kind of forget it in a way for an hour or so. I think I probably laughed and smiled quite a lot during our meal and when we got home I felt awful again.
If anyone saw me, they would probably wonder why I was off. But it would have been none of their business. My managers were aware and they were the only people who had to know. I did tell quite a few colleagues in the end, but I didnt have to.
It's literally none of your business what your colleague was doing. If they have been off for more than 1 week, it means they most likely have a doctors note. This means the doctor is happy that they are unable to work right now and theirs is the only opinion that actually matters.
Of course there is a chance they are faking but that could be said about just about everything in the world, and it would generally be very inappropriate to accuse someone of that.

IntermittentParps · 28/07/2020 08:47

YABU. Keep your nose out.

FruitLoopyLoo · 28/07/2020 08:48

@EmbarrassedUser

Ask her.
Please don't.
SockYarn · 28/07/2020 08:51

@BilboBercow

Did op ever come back? Or did she post a goady thread and fuck off?
Appears that's exactly what she did.
Goingprivate2020 · 28/07/2020 08:51

No you are NOT being unreasonable OP! Shirking colleagues impacts everyone else at work. I hate laziness. If she wasn’t being paid sick pay do you think she’D be paddling in the sea and putting the pictures on FB?

Unless you are a miner/similarly physical job, if you can go to the beach, you can go to work.

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 28/07/2020 08:51

@EmbarrassedUser

Ask her.
Don’t bloody ask her! How rude! It’s not your business to know why she’s off work or why she’s at the beach. People say a picture speaks a thousand words, but it doesn’t. It’s a tiny snapshot of one millisecond out of a whole day, during which anything else could have happened.

If her colleagues have to pick up her work that’s not her problem. She is allowed to be off work sick.

FruitLoopyLoo · 28/07/2020 08:54

@Goingprivate2020

No you are NOT being unreasonable OP! Shirking colleagues impacts everyone else at work. I hate laziness. If she wasn’t being paid sick pay do you think she’D be paddling in the sea and putting the pictures on FB?

Unless you are a miner/similarly physical job, if you can go to the beach, you can go to work.

No if she wasn't given time off sick perhaps she would have killed herself? Or had a breakdown?

You've literally no idea what she would be doing if she wasn't off sick.

If I hadn't been given time when I needed it, I'd be dead now. I can promise you that. Work is not everything in life. Sometimes there are bigger things going on.

It is management's responsibility to ensure they get cover staff in if necessary to help with workload, not a sick employee's.

FruitLoopyLoo · 28/07/2020 08:55

Unless you are a miner/similarly physical job, if you can go to the beach, you can go to work

If you think like this, you have no appreciation for mental illness. Not everything is bloody physical!

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/07/2020 08:56

@Goingprivate2020

No you are NOT being unreasonable OP! Shirking colleagues impacts everyone else at work. I hate laziness. If she wasn’t being paid sick pay do you think she’D be paddling in the sea and putting the pictures on FB?

Unless you are a miner/similarly physical job, if you can go to the beach, you can go to work.

Absolute rubbish.
Goingprivate2020 · 28/07/2020 08:59

Work is good for mental health. Too many people skive too easily. If you’re suicidal you wouldn’t be at the bloody beach taking memory shots.

Alloverthegrapevine · 28/07/2020 09:00

DH is seeing his oncologist this afternoon. I will drive him there and wait (as I'm not allowed in the hospital). The hospital happens to be in a seaside town, so if he feels up to it we will go for a stroll and maybe a coffee. Then he will have a nap. Is that OK with you OP and others who think if you're on the beach you can't be ill enough to be off work?

SoupDragon · 28/07/2020 09:03

Work is good for mental health

What a stupid generalisation. No it isn't.

Goingprivate2020 · 28/07/2020 09:03

I’m in HR. It’s amazing how much sickness absence goes up when sick pay starts (after a period of employment) and funny how people are suddenly able to return to work once it runs out.

We are a work shy, entitled Population. I too have had miscarriages, illness, depression, life crap. I still went to work. It’s a work ethic: you get paid to do a job, so you do it.

Goingprivate2020 · 28/07/2020 09:04

Op I’d screen shot the FB stuff and let HR handle it from here. Thus is the stuff of many disciplinaries.

AintNoMaryPoppins · 28/07/2020 09:04

Work is good for mental health. Too many people skive too easily. If you’re suicidal you wouldn’t be at the bloody beach taking memory shots

Please share your qualifications for spouting such nonsense? Do you study mental health? Are you a counsellor? A doctor? An advocate for a mental health charity? A psychologist?

Imagine admitting, in this day and age when we are supposed to be making conscious efforts to support better mental health, that you actually don't consider it to be important at all.

When I was depressed and had a note from my doctor for a few weeks, I felt an insane amount of pressure to be back at work because of people like you. It would absolutely not have been better for me. My experienced counsellor, a person who's actually trained in this sort of thing and knows what they are talking about, told me under no circumstances should I go to work until I was well enough to do so and that I should use the time to do things that made me happy.

It's such a depressing attitude that work is literally everything, you have to work yourself into depression because heaven forbid you actually take some time out to actually live when you need to for your own wellbeing. Nope, just work work work work work. That's all that matters to some people. Quite sad really.

Pogmella · 28/07/2020 09:05

Why don’t you ask her if you’re friends?

Goingprivate2020 · 28/07/2020 09:05

SoupDragon - neither is destitution. Sickness would be a fraction of what it is were people not being paid. Much is not genuine. Our economy can no longer afford to prop up the work shy. It gives a bad name to the genuinely ill.

sunglasses123 · 28/07/2020 09:06

Only on MN do people say its none of your business. There are an awful lot of skivvers around now. Dont get me started on government depts allowing people to work at home. Lazy so and so's. I work and need to contact them extensively. They are hiding behind their emails and just wont take phone calls.

For those who say they wouldnt be stupid enough to post on FB. They probably will. Some people are shameless and they just dont think that someone might report them. When I worked as a supplier to the Dept of Work and Pensions the tip off calls for people claiming benefits they were not entitled to werent from the rich cow down the road. 95% of the time it was relatives, friends of the fraduster who reported them.

AintNoMaryPoppins · 28/07/2020 09:06

We are a work shy, entitled Population. I too have had miscarriages, illness, depression, life crap. I still went to work. It’s a work ethic: you get paid to do a job, so you do it

Bully for you. I'm appalled that someone working in HR would expect a woman who's just miscarried to get her arse in work because it's 'good for her', or someone who is depressed just needs to come and do the job they are paid for and get on with it. You sound like an absolutely terrible person to be working in HR to be honest although it doesn't surprise me.

Goingprivate2020 · 28/07/2020 09:07

We all have life shit going on Mary poppins. What would happen to businesses if everyone took your attitude?

SoupDragon · 28/07/2020 09:07

SoupDragon - neither is destitution.

And that is relevant to your dumbass generalisation how exactly...?

GinDaddyRedux · 28/07/2020 09:08

Actually as someone who has had mental challenges, I disagree with some of the previous posts.

Work is good for mental health if it's work where you are respected, given support, and best of all it gives you structure and routine to your day. It's also helpful of course in staving off the other side of things which is stress around bills etc.

Kat92 · 28/07/2020 09:09

Am literally shocked at some of the responses here. When I was at Harvester having a nice meal after finding out my pregnancy had stopped growing but still was inside my body there is NO way I could have worked - how could I have concentrated after finding that out and not yet have had any treatment to complete the mc?
I was in no pain at that point and going out for a meal and having a glass of wine and a nice conversation was completely possible.
You have no idea what the colleague is going through.

Alloverthegrapevine · 28/07/2020 09:10

I do agree that people who need months on end off to "do things that make them happy" is an unreasonable burden for employers. It may well be good for the individual but it's luxury most can't afford. However, the woman in OP has only been off for a month and we don't know why.