To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

[waitandseee]

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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• * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

I wouldn’t ask, as it’s none of your business. I might anonymously print out her Facebook page and pass it to the manager.

There’s a lot of variation in how easy it is to get signed off on the sick by different GPs. Some are really robust, others less so.

That's cowardly and nasty.

I was off sick for 3 months once.
The first week I was in ICU.
The next 5 weeks I was in hospital. Towards the end of that time, the physios taught me how to walk again.
The first 3 weeks at home, I would walk to the bottom of the street, crawl up the stairs, was perpetually out of breath and exhausted. But I grew stronger. Gradually I would go to a local shopping centre to do my walking, or the park, or along the esplanade - going a little further, a little faster every time.
I still had physio appointments, and some outpatient appointments and my GP wanted to see me regularly too.
After 11 weeks, I was strong enough to catch the train to work to practise the commute. I had to have someone accompany as I was frightened of being alone and unable to cope. The journey to and from work that day was so tiring that there was no way I could have actually done any work.
After 3 months I returned to work, but on slightly reduced hours so I could travel outside rush hour and get a seat.

Someone looking at my social media probably would have seen me pottering about having what seemed to be a lovely time, even though the reality was gruelling and depressing.

Luckily none of my colleagues were arses about it.

I’m in agreement with the op. Yes, many illnesses are hidden, but that does not mean that someone off on long term sick should broadcast the fact that they are whooping it up on days out, while the other poor sods in the workplace are covering for them as well as doing their own job. Some people have no idea what discretion means.

Anyone diagnosed with a serious illness would not be paddling in the sea grinning, wake up and smell the coffee people!

Shows how little you know about serious illness, then, doesn't it?

I took my terminally ill mother to the beach for a day about 2 months before she died, because she wanted to see the sea for the last time. To a casual observer she looked pretty well. She was able to paddle in the sea for a few minutes, and we sat and had fish and chips on the beach.

So you can take your ignorance and sod off.

Damn right its unreasonable. Its non of your business! God people like you annoy me, you dont know the reasons for her sickness from work, illnesses go way further that just having the flu and being bedridden! She also would of had to provide sick notes so you really have no right to judge her. Leave her in peace

She is a cf. I hope you're not picking up any of her work. Let the management know.

I suggest you do ask though because you will embarrass yourself and look like a complete T#%*!

People will say mind your own business she's mentally ill. Yes if she's off and posting on Facebook it's probably the ladder. I would rather be working and happy than have time off sick if I had those problems. Yes she could be faking it but learn to ignore. Not my monkeys not my circus comes to mind 😁

I think the op has probably got the message that not all sick people look ill. I’ve been off work for months now, I’m trying desperately to get healthy and now go running everyday. I wonder if my colleagues are questioning me like this? I truly don’t care if they are. Life is so precious.

I can guarantee that if your child's teacher was off sick then posted photos of their jollies on social media the reaction wouldn't be quite so conciliatory!

When my work friend had a still born baby she came back in almost straight away and really ran herself into the ground. She became very depressed and ended up being off for six months. During that time she went on spa days and trips out because her friends were trying to cheer her up. There were some people in the office who didn't know what had happened and reacted like you, OP. It helped nothing and made them look like very unpleasant, petty people.

In the unlikely event that you are unfit for work but fit enough to holiday the professional thing to do would be to be discreet. Your reputation will be damaged and it will create bad feeling with colleagues.

A couple of years ago I was suffering a severe illness but recovering and hoping to go back to work soon after. I went to a friend's birthday party, she was quite ill and likely palliative at that time, might not have had the chance to celebrate again. When I returned to work I was investigated by my bitch of a boss as a photo of me at the do had appeared on Social Media without my knowledge. I had only attended for an hour and went home as I was exhausted. I was told not to 'go out and have a nice time when off sick. She's still stalking my social media 18 months later.

Yabu - I have anxiety and depression that I am medicated for and have had a formal diagnosis of since I was a teenager. Ask 90% of the people I work with and they would be unaware of my MH issues.

I work in retail and have been off work for 4 weeks - actually going back in a few days - because I had 2 severe anxiety attacks at work due to the stress of working through lockdown. Because I know my triggers, only 2 people witnessed my attacks as I had managed to get off the shop floor and to a private room before I broke down. Again 90% of the people I work with are unaware of them happening.

My doctor signed me off for 3 weeks and I already had some holiday time booked in so I've been off 4 weeks. My anxiety was triggered by being in work and the stress of dealing with the public and the pandemic and not seeing my DD (I share custody 50/50 with my ex but as he WFH and I was going to work daily we decided she would stay with him full time at the beginning of lockdown).

For the first week I was off I didn't leave the house as I was still getting my anxiety under control - my medication was adjusted and I managed to get a telephone appointment with my therapist which helped me get back on an even keel. By Week 2 I had progressed to going out on short trips for essentials - to do a supermarket shop, to the pharmacy etc - and trips to my ex's to have socially distanced time to see my DD.

Last week I started feeling a lot better and with things opening up I started to go out just for the sake of it- a picnic in the park, a walk along the beach, a stroll through town - and to try and arrange things with friends and family - bbq in the garden for a family members birthday, a trip to Costa to get coffee with a friend for a stroll along the canal, a trip out to a local National Trust property to walk through the gardens and have a socially distanced ice cream with a friend's family etc, went to one of the lakes (I live in the Lake District) to do some wild swimming and enjoying the nice weather.

This week I am practically back to normal - my medication adjustment has stabilised, my MH is back on track, and I am definitely feeling more normal. So by the time I go back to work in a few days, all people will know is that I have been off work for 4 weeks and I have not just been sat in my flat, staring at the same 4 walls 24/7.

unlikely event that you are unfit for work but fit enough to holiday the professional thing to do would be to be discreet.

The professional thing to do is for people to keep their noses out of colleagues business.

There are hundreds of reasons someone cannot work but can continue their day to day life, which does include going outside and having the odd day out or holiday.

I broke my ankle. I work in a job where I stand and walk for 12hr shifts and there were no other tasks I could do to fulfil my contract under reasonable adjustments so I was signed off for 6 weeks. Do you know what I could do in that time? Sit by a pool with a book, be driven to a restaurant to attend a birthday meal, have people over for a movie night etcetc. My injury meant I couldn't do my job, that didnt mean I turned into an incapable child unable to function.

I find this quite odd. Supposedly an employee who is off sick can request annual leave if for example, they:
are not physically able to work, but physically able to take a holiday
have a mental health condition that might be helped by a holiday
are off sick long term and a holiday might help with their recovery

I doubt that many would though, what would be the motivation for an employee to do this?
www.acas.org.uk/checking-sick-pay/sick-pay-and-holiday-pay

Legal position here
www.sherrardslaw.com/going-holiday-whilst-off-sick/

Sour grapes OP!

And to make a thread about this. Shame on you. Busy body

Last year I had lung cancer and half of a lung removed. I have never know such discomfort and tiredness. But my doctor told me to try and get out and take gentle exercise everyday as I needed to move. Saying that I would not have posted my walks on the beach on social media whilst I was off work. Sends a bit of a dodgy message.

Is your workload being impacted due to this person's absence?

Pisstaker.
YANBU.

My colleague had a TIA. She was off from work for 3 months. She thankfully recovered quickly and was released form the hospital after a week. She looked physically fine but was no way ready to work due to being so tired and drained. It was encouraged for her to do things that are not that strenuous and what she enjoys. That's the best way to recover. She has been back to work for about a year and to this day she cannot make plans for weekends cause she is so tired from the work week (and we work in an office in front of computer) and needs to take regular annual leave just to recover fully from working. Me and our former manager are the only ones who know.

I wouldn't post on fb while out sick, but you you never know what it going on with people. If she has been off for a month I'm assuming she has had to provide something more than just send an email "I'm sick". If her absence is causing you trouble at work then you need to speak to the manager about coverage. It doesnt matter if she is taking it or if it is genuine.

Did op ever come back? Or did she post a goady thread and fuck off?

Some years ago I had some time off for depression and anxiety. But because I was worried my colleagues would think I was taking the piss like so many on this thread (in reality they were very supportive and I was not thinking straight) I went back too soon and hadn’t done anything “nice” while I was off. In a few weeks I was back where I started.