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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

413 replies

waitandseee · 27/07/2020 19:43

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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  • * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================
OP posts:
Nomorepies · 27/07/2020 22:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

ChristmasCarcass · 27/07/2020 22:07

Anyone diagnosed with a serious illness would not be paddling in the sea grinning, wake up and smell the coffee people!

Some of the last photos we have of DMIL, before she died from metastatic breast cancer, were of her on Broadstairs beach eating an ice cream and smiling. It had spread to her liver, lungs and bones by then, and she was in a hospice a few weeks later.

I guess the Make A Wish kids who go to Disney or swimming with dolphins are all fakers too are they? Hmm

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 27/07/2020 22:08

Agree with pp that there could be dozens of reasons for her being off sick and out and about.

I do think it depends on the culture at your workplace though. I am too scared to even nip to the corner shop if I am off work sick. (I am so institutionalised that when I was ill with a rotten cold over Christmas - and off on holiday - I said to my DP I was nervous about going to the hairdresser when I was feeling a bit better, in case anyone spotted me!)

TheSunIsStillShining · 27/07/2020 22:08

If I had to do his job parallel to mine I would actually bring it up to my/our line manager. Otherwise, pissed off, but none of your concern.

QueenCT · 27/07/2020 22:10

Could be anything. I had to have 8 weeks off after spinal surgery but was instructed to do lots of walking. I couldn't sit for longer than 45 mins or bend or twist or lift anything but I was capable of paddling or walking in the park and probably looked fine. I wasn't fit for work because I couldn't sit down for 8hrs!

shemadeit · 27/07/2020 22:11

I work with someone like this.

Has been off for over a year and has set up another business on the side but we’re still working as a man down Shock

It’s deplorable but what can you do?

Hyggefun · 27/07/2020 22:15

Had a colleague who did this years ago. Not well enough for work but fit for foreign weekend away. It was galling at the time and I remember kicking up a stink with our line manager who agreed but said there was little she could do.

A few years later, I had terrible laryngitis (no voice for 3 weeks). It was debilitating and rendered me unfit for work but had I had a weekend away booked, no doubt I'd have gone and made the best of it.

Sometimes we have to walk in another person's shoes before we see things from their point of view. With hindsight I was wrong to question my colleague and I think you would be too. That said, she's been a bit daft to post it all over social media. If her being off is making extra work for you, maybe talk to someone about that but otherwise let it go.

TheHobbitMum · 27/07/2020 22:15

I know how it can look bad but there are genuine reasons why holidaying can help when sick. When I step off the plane in the Greek August sun my chronic pain from Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia instantly eases. I've had sick leave before and had a holiday in the sun, the benefits are huge

Lostthefairytale · 27/07/2020 22:15

To me there is an unwritten rule to being off sick, do what you need to do to feel better, but don't post it on social media. I've been off work with stress, I have every sympathy for my colleagues when they are off sick. However when it's 8pm and I have missed my children's bedtime to cover for colleagues who are off sick I don't need social media to tell me they've spent the day at the beach, that's the point that basic human nature kicks in and sympathy gets lost.

Waferbiscuit · 27/07/2020 22:17

In principle agree it's not really something you should worry about and out of your control, although unfair if you have to pick up the slack. And that's the problem - often teams have to cover for long-term sickness absence and, particularly in the public sector, there aren't easy ways to get temporary cover.

Related to this I think it's a good thing that the stigma of mental health is being addressed. But I can't help be surprised how many people are now off for stress, anxiety and depression - and not just at my workforce, where it is the top reason for absence, but in a lot of places.

Staplemaple · 27/07/2020 22:18

They are unreasonable to be posting it on social media without at least blocking it from people at work. Not all illnesses confine you to the house, but or course some people take the piss sometimes, but you'll never know so it's fair to give the benefit of the doubt.

Staplemaple · 27/07/2020 22:20

But I can't help be surprised how many people are now off for stress, anxiety and depression - and not just at my workforce, where it is the top reason for absence, but in a lot of places.

It's easy, requires no real 'proof', and if you put work place stress on it they have to be extremely mindful when you return. Of course that's just the minority, most who get signed off it's a good thing as it shows more awareness towards mental health.

Sootikinstew · 27/07/2020 22:21

My friend was signed off I'll with stress for two months. Her DH took annual leave (same company) to whip her off on holiday for two weeks.

What's wrong with that?

LockdownLoser · 27/07/2020 22:23

I think stress is sometimes used on the sick note as short hand for personal mental health issues that don't need to be disclosed in great detail to all and sundry.

50shadesofgreige · 27/07/2020 22:26

I think there's a few people here pretending they wouldn't at least by curious about her behaviour. Ultimately, you know this woman and your relationship with her better than anyone here on MN - is she likely to be deceitful? Is it worth challenging what she's doing? Would it make a difference to you if you knew? She could be behaving honestly and then you'd be left feeling guilty for calling her out and upsetting her.

Charmatt · 27/07/2020 22:27

2 months ago I was admitted to hospital with a potentially fatal condition. I am currently off sick recovering. My work has actively encouraged me to take a holiday with my family to help my recovery and help my husband and children.

You have no idea of her circumstances and are not in a position to judge. Only an OH assessment or doctor could reasonably assess whether it is a problem or not.

Lozz22 · 27/07/2020 22:27

I was on sick for 2 weeks last year following a miscarriage. The first week I barely ate or got out of bed. The second week once I'd processed everything I got up and I went out when I felt I was able to I don't think I was being unreasonable in doing so.

MaosChaos · 27/07/2020 22:30

Ooh is it me? I got diagnosed with cancer (incurable but intending to vecaroubd for a while ) 2 weeks ago. Last weekend I took my children to the seaside. This weekend we went on a riverboat.

I don't look ill. I look like I am having a fabulous time. Ive been on a authorised skive from work this week ok'ed by my lovely Directors. I know my DP stuck some photos on FBof us having fun - judge away I don't give a fuck.

SengaStrawberry · 27/07/2020 22:32

She might be genuinely unwell, she might be a pisstaker. Either way I’d stay out of it. She’s an idiot for plastering it all over SM though.

cissyandbessy · 27/07/2020 22:32

It's often the case that people who are signed off sick can do other things and not have to be confined to home. And that keeping on with their normal lives can help recovery. I do think it's insensitive to post on social media though if you seemingly enjoying the time off when colleagues are covering for you. Why do it? It's obvious how it could be seen and wind people up and more likely to disbelieve that you needed to be off in the first place.

DollyDoneMore · 27/07/2020 22:37

Wow. There are some nasty people on this thread.

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/07/2020 22:37

because it's not that easy to get rid of people legally, and sometimes management don't have the time or energy to deal with CF, and find it easier to turn a blind eye, that's why. 🤷

The only thing YOU can do is ensure your workload is not impacted, otherwise just ignore it. But make sure by being in the office you are showing how much more valuable to the business you are, so your name is far down the list when redundancies kick in...

ArgyllFTM · 27/07/2020 22:41

None of your business.
At the end of my maternity leave I came back on a phased return because of postnatal depression. I started at 3 mornings a week and built up from there. The rest of the time I went to baby groups, cafes, met up with friends, went out walking and yes went to the beach too, as well as relaxing with my family and going to therapy. There are plenty of photos of me smiling and looking well (not on my social media as I don’t really use it but some of my friends probably posted some). If my planned maternity leave had been any shorter I would have been signed off sick as I couldn’t have gone back any earlier than I did.
How do you think my mental health would have fared if I’d sat in the house instead? (Hint: I tried that earlier in my illness and unsurprisingly it didn’t help)

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 27/07/2020 22:45

Yep, none of your business. She could be seriously ill and be receiving treatment. A photo doesn't tell you everything.

But sharing it on social media is not right and YANBU for being annoyed about the sharing of the pictures.

OrchidJewel · 27/07/2020 22:49

YANBU I'm off work sick at the moment, stress related but I wouldn't be stupid and dumb enough to put on FB fun days out (if I was able!) And absolutely none of my colleagues would be even remotely impressed

We started wfh long before lockdown and at the start one dope in particular was posting all.sorts when she should have been working. A pal had a word with her, she was going to ruin it for everyone else. If your out sick you keep a low profile for gods sake

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