To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

[waitandseee]

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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• * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================

None of your business.
When I was signed off due to depression and anxiety, I went on holiday. My therapist actually recommended it, as she said I needed to get away for a while and do something for myself.

@Goingprivate2020

Lucy sums it up; if you’re not paid, you drag yourself in. If you are paid, you stay home. It’s not the sickness that decides, it’s the employers charity!

My argument in a nutshell.

I think it says more about you if you're happy for your employees to painfully drag themselves into work because they aren't afforded the financial ability to be sick, as everyone is from time to time.

My experience of HR people is they're pretty good at doing what's best for the company and that's looking after the good staff and "dealing" with the others.

So a long serving, strong member of staff who has a terrible year with a bereavement, a child's illness and some health issues of their own will be supported to get well and be able to perform at their previous level. Someone who was never very good, even when they were there, not so much.

Now, it may be that the health issues were always the problem, but that can't always be the employers issue or their cost. There has to come a point when the employer isn't getting what they're paying for and changes things, just as you would if it was a cleaner or a swimming teacher you were employing privately.

She may have mental health issues or condition where doctors advised her to spend time outside, like skin condition. She can have problems with her eyes and cannot use screens if it's office work. I'd say it's not your concern.

And it's not the case for everyone actually. I've been off sick on SSP before. I struggled along on that because I knew I couldn't face a week in a busy law firm with screaming clients and meetings when I felt suicidal just at the thought of leaving my bed.

@Goingprivate2020

Lucy sums it up; if you’re not paid, you drag yourself in. If you are paid, you stay home. It’s not the sickness that decides, it’s the employers charity!

My argument in a nutshell.

Of course! Which is also why there are more sick days around bank holidays, on Fridays and Mondays than in the middle of the week...

To be fair, the OP doesn't know if the colleague has taken unpaid leave, or is on full pay. That's not something you discuss around you.

Unfortunately the more people who take advantage of a sick pay policy. - whether for genuine reasons or not - the more the rot sets in in an organisation and people think that they should be entitled to the same. In the past “ stress” or a nervous breakdown, was very serious and the poor sufferer would be in a dreadful state.

Now, however, I have known people off with stress and, frankly, they are really taking the piss. Bil and his family say they are “stressed” when they don’t get what they want at work. At one point all five of them were off work with stress! Dn was signed off because she wasn’t allowed Christmas off, Other dn because her work colleagues weren’t friendly enough, and bil because he had a phobia about using the phone. They had one tame GP. Incidentally, they were all made redundant in the end.

Depends why she's off.

Claiming she's physically ill then maybe she's taking the pee being out all the time.

Stress and mental health- the beach and days out will be helping her recover!

I don't think anyone is suggesting that there aren't people who take the piss. There absolutely are as with all things in life and management can deal with those repeat offenders.

However, posters like GoingPrivate, seem to think there is literally never a reason for someone to need to be off work and any absence for any reason is just being lazy or lacking work ethic which is just ridiculous.

The point on this particular thread though is that we don't know whether this woman is taking the piss and it certainly isn't for her colleagues to go around asking about her sick leave. Management will have seen her sick note and discussed it with her. If they feel she is taking the piss they can deal with it. If OP is struggling with workload then that's up to management again to sort cover or whatnot. You can't say just from looking at someone's photo though that they are obviously taking the piss when we know nothing of her circumstances.

The thing is with work related stress there can be different types of stress that lead to people being unable to cope with work. Some are absolutely the employer’s responsibility eg unacceptable workload/bullying etc and if these are dealt with adequately the employee may be able with support to come back to work. However very often it’s because the employee just isn’t a good fit for the job, they don’t like their colleagues etc - the employer and the colleagues aren’t doing anything wrong, it’s just not right for that person.

I agree OP, someone I know is on paid isolating leave atm from a major supermarket cos her BMI is over 40. Every day she’s off out walking, baking cakes etc all over her social media.

I’m currently signed of with severe MH issues. My GP has suggested I go out everyday and do something I enjoy for fresh air and exercise, and just to get out of the house. But even if I could get myself together enough to leave my 4 walls, I’m actually scared of seeing any of my bitchy work colleagues for the reasons on this thread! That also includes the HR and management.
Society talks about how we need to support MH and talk about it and normalise it, but we soon turn on each other when we think someone is getting a ‘free’ ride to stay at home while they are having to work. Like someone upthread said, if management aren’t getting the cover in to support your team while there’s long term sickness, they are who you should have the issue with; not your colleague who is trying to keep themselves from falling apart.

I think it's one thing to be off sick for a mental health reason and do lovely things in an effort to improve your MH.

It's quite another to post those lovely things all over social media for your colleagues to see and I think it would annoy me too.

I wouldn't be grassing on her though!

Personally, the only people or colleagues I have ever met who've been off with work related stress are those that have been completely over burdened by their employer.

Having worked in law firms my entire working life, it is often an expectation that you will have on average up to 50 more cases than recommended, that you will come in early and stay late to complete any work, with people staying in the office until 9pm often and coming in at 6am and working through all breaks and the belief by management that they are your files to deal with however long that takes, essentially wiping their hands of any responsibility.

It is so often the case, in places I've worked anyway, that the expectation is placed on the employee to cover for the fact that the employer doesn't want to spend the money hiring the right amount of staff needed for the job so they can thicken the lining of their own pockets whilst burning out their employees. And then act shocked when 10 of them go off with stress at the same time.

It's quite another to post those lovely things all over social media for your colleagues to see and I think it would annoy me too
Why? I doubt any of the colleagues would be queuing up to have mental health difficulties that cause them to be signed off.

Why should someone not be able to share with friends what they're doing in life? It's not my style but there's nothing wrong with it. If anything it highlights the need to be careful with colleagues because some love a gossip.

When I was off with stress the company doctor told me to go on a trip of a lifetime that I had planned for a year in advance - she said that it might help. Who knows why.

@LolaSmiles to me I think a social media post in itself is a seeking attention and sharing with a wide circle. If I'm off sick and then posting pictures of myself on a jolly, then I know that people will raise an eyebrow.

If I want to draw attention to my mental health, I could caption the post explaining that a great day with friends has really helped with a difficult period. If I don't want to draw attention, I take the pictures but I don't post them publicly.

To be clear, I would have no problem if I saw someone in person on the beach or whatever whilst off sick.

@Washyourhands48

I agree OP, someone I know is on paid isolating leave atm from a major supermarket cos her BMI is over 40. Every day she’s off out walking, baking cakes etc all over her social media.

Depending on the supermarket she may have had no say in that.

Plus the guidance for people shielding includes going for walks.

Depending on the supermarket she may have had no say in that

Agree. I'm currently on paid leave because I'm pregnant. I had absolutely no say in it, in fact I actually want to be working as I'm bored! But I didn't get a choice as work were concerned about the gov guidance and vulnerable people.

I agree with @BlusteryShowers here. It's like rubbing their noses in the fact that they're having to cover for you at work whilst you appear to be living it up and on holiday.

I think it shows that it's better not to have work colleagues as Facebook friends.

think it shows that it's better not to have work colleagues as Facebook friends.

Pretty much!

There is an off work sick, why? troll.

This is obviously it.

Why engage?

I've just had my 3rd miscarriage, at 12 weeks and took 3 weeks off because of treatment and because my baby had died. I had a birthday during that time and my family rallied round and did a socially distanced bbq at my house. It was the first time I'd smiled in weeks. Point being if a photo went up on SM you'd be judging me and how dare you.

You have absolutely no understanding of what that person is going through, it's none of your business!!!

Seriously, I think many people just don't realise the dangers of having colleagues as Facebook friends. Even if you select carefully, their friends from work that you've chosen not to friend, will often see posts about you. And of course it you are selective, you have other colleagues being put out because you don't accept their requests.

At the very least, make groups, and think when you post something, whether you want it to be seen by workmates, or just your family and friends in your private life. Workplaces are SO gossipy.

My friend has been off sick as she has had a trapped nerve causing her pain down from her neck all the way down her arm to her wrist. She is unable to sit in an office for 8 hours a day because of this. But sure, she has taken her nephews out for an ice cream etc. I imagine some of her colleagues are looking at her FB & 'seething'.
You dont know the full facts so dont make assumptions. If she irritiates you that much, delete her. Or better yet, delete FB altogether. Social media is a breeding ground for negativity.