Which person is being unreasonable here?

[Menora]

Person A and B friends for many years, socialised together frequently and lived very close to each other.

Person A has children
Person B lives alone

Both A and B moved houses, now about 7 miles apart - rural, lack of taxis/public transport so socialising has declined over time. All socialising is usually B’s suggestions of activities or at B’s house with A having to make their own way home. B has only visited A once in a year at their new home.

A & B stayed in touch over lockdown via video calls and texts, but didn’t meet up and this also declined over time from both sides.

B gets in touch with A and complains about lack of contact, A apologises and explains has been busy with working and DC. B invites A to go on a shopping trip that day but A is busy.

A month goes by

Person A tells B and other friends on group text that they would like to have a party for their birthday and a date is discussed and all invited to A’s house. A & B also FaceTime briefly the week before and party is mentioned and invite given again. B says they are free that evening.

A gets a happy birthday text message from B but no card or attempt to visit.

Party evening arrives a week later which A has set up a garden party area. Person A posts a photo of the party area to social media, and B sends a text asking about the party and why they are not invited.

A explains they invited B twice to the party which B says was not clear. A asks B again to attend the party but B says they aren’t going to come as it is now too late (8pm).

A is hurt that B made no effort on their birthday
B is annoyed with A for not being clear, being busy and not contacting them enough

Who is BU?

Why is A, who has K, always going via T to B? Surely A needs C for K so they can't get T to go see B so it's be easier for B, who hasn't got K, to go to A? Maybe A is annoyed they always have to go to B because sorting K is awkward. Bit if A has H then H could sort K I guess.

So simply, A has K but go to B, B has no K so should go to A, unless A has H then A and B should take turns going to B or A. Ok?

Both, I think. Neither have been very clear about their expectations, and have been expecting each other to read their minds.

Oh god, sounds awful. I think both are BU for carrying on like this.

B is unreasonable and contrary. She sounds hard work to me

Both A and B moved houses, now about 7 miles apart - rural, lack of taxis/public transport so socialising has declined over time. All socialising is usually B’s suggestions of activities or at B’s house with A having to make their own way home. B has only visited A once in a year at their new home.

I think that some people have read this to mean that B was always the one making arrangements.

I don't read it this way, just that whenever a meetup was arranged, then regardless of who proposed the meet up, B pushed the activities or insisted it was at their home, not A's. I don't see that it's always B initiating contact.

If A made 2 clear invitations for the party via text, then I think B is being silly.

Which one are you?

It sounds like a big miscommunication - maybe B genuinely didn’t understand if they were invited or if it was confirmed, or maybe they forgot about it and had a flounce - or wanted a bigger show of being invited rather than a casual mention of a group chat or in a catch up. But overall it just sounds like there was confusion along the line and one or both didn’t communicate or understand the situation very well.

B sounds like a pain in the arse to me. I'd screenshot the previous invitations on Whatsapp (which were apparently clear enough for everyone else) and send it to her, then leave her to it.

It’s pretty clear you’re A. Why not just say so?

B

I hate these A and B crappy posts

BIBU

So if you invited everyone on the WhatsApp was there not other messages on there saying see you then, what can I bring, I’m running 5 mins late etc etc And did anyone else turn up?

I also read it as B always wanting to dictate where the socialising took place rather than being the organiser.

So many questions here.

1. Are you A?
2. What was the manner in which B was invited?
3. Is there a valid reason you have not made more effort with B?
4. How do you know each other?
5. Are you related?
6. How long have you known each other?
7. Who the fuck is C?

Why the A and B crap?!

Either way you’re going to write it from your POV, no?

Anyway, B sounds like she’s being a bit of a cow and quite needy.

But lockdown has been hard for people and probably very hard for people living alone.

It doesn’t read like there could have been any ambiguity over the invitation but then, it also sounds like A has been pulling back from the friendship so B was probably feeling insecure/paranoid and needed more assurance than what was offered. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd see two separate issues.

Generally A hasn't made much effort to stay in touch - seems that everything was at B's suggestion (hence why it was at their house; you'd not necessarily invite yourself round to someone else's). I get that A's had children but still, a little bit of effort goes a long way if friendships are to be maintained.

As for the party, it's hard to tell without the wording. B on the face of it is being unreasonable but a) we don't know how clear the invite was (OP, I'm guessing you're A and what's obvious to one person isn't always so to another) and b) after perhaps feeling that the friendship has waned, they might feel that they'd been invited out of politeness/they'd be the only childfree person/whatever other reason.

Both are being unreasonable.

A for expecting 'effort' for her birthday. Unless she's 5 that is. My dearest friend gets a message on Facebook if she's lucky and vice versa.

B is being unreasonable for making out like she wasn't invited when she was. I assume she's like my nan and doesn't consider herself invited unless the request arrives in the post in a gold embossed envelope.

Both need to stop being silly if they want their friendship to continue.

I did wonder if A is one of those people who thinks having children = Very Busy and single people who live alone couldn’t possibly understand that.

Which is insufferable but not uncommon, IMO.

OP, just tell us you’re B! This A and B crap is really insulting to our intelligence because you’re basically saying we won’t give you an honest answer if you tell us who you are in this scenario.

YABU

@honeygirlz

OP, just tell us you’re B! This A and B crap is really insulting to our intelligence because you’re basically saying we won’t give you an honest answer if you tell us who you are in this scenario.

There's no way she's B! definitely A

@OhCaptain I was wondering what the relevance of saying who has kids and who doesn't is.

To me this reads as B has put a lot of effort into maintaining the friendship and doesn't feel like A really wants their company anymore.

It also feels like A is just too busy for this friendship.

Neither one is BU really, but unfortunately A and B sound like their friendship has run it's course and should probably let the friendship fizzle out amicably rather than trying to maintain it.

I also agree with PPs that I'm assuming your A. But whether you're A or B the conclusion is the same.

You're person A, aren't you.
B is being unreasonable because the invitation was made in writing on a group chat. But B has only once, in a year, bothered to go to A's house. So they couldn't be bothered to make that effort again and made up bollocks about "not feeling invited" to make A feel bad.

Fuck it, you don't need people like this in your life if they're going to go all pass agg on you, and not make any real effort to meet up in a mutually convenient fashion.

B is being unreasonable they were clearly invited twice