He said he is incapable of feelings ...aibu to think this is impossible?

[breakmyheart]

I've started seeing someone.
Saturday night we went for a drink and he just randomly told me "I think I should let you know,I don't get feelings for anyone"
I said "what do you mean?"
He said "I don't get feelings,I end up driving women crazy"

How can you date women /sleep with women and not catch feelings?
What is the point ?
I'm confused

He has been hurt before like major from his ex (bad breakup)
I've been trying to take it slow and show him I'm not like his ex.

Ah you're already playing his game. You have sucked up the story of the bitch ex that hurt him so badly.

Some mental health issues cause a sort
Of apathy. Non intentionally. Trust me I’m a sufferer. Can you ask him to elaborate? Or was he just saying it to have you at his disposal type thing?

He has told you what he is like. Listen to him and run.

He has been hurt before like major from his ex (bad breakup)

And if that is actually true then 'Good'. Play mind games and fuck around with other people's good intentions and you deserve everything you get.

Right choice, OP. Aim higher, you deserve better

I’d send a quick text along the lines of...

Thanks for being so honest with me the other night. I’ve been giving a bit of thought to what you said and in regards to our contact I have concluded that I’m not going to continue seeing you. I would rather leave myself free to meet someone who does have feelings and with whom I can enjoy a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
I wish you well in the future.
Break.

Then block him.

I'm going to go against the grain here. Oh wait no I'm not, he is clearly a knobber

If you want a fixer-upper then buy property.

It is not your job to fix someone else, and there is such a load of guff around how someone's love needs to 'heal' someone else. Normally it's an expectation for a woman to do all of the emotional labour and investment, whilst a bloke wanders in and out of the relationship using his poor ickle wounded heart as an excuse for acting like a bellend.

So, he’s already told you he does not and will not have any feeling of love and affection towards you. He has just told you he only intends to see you occasionally, when it suits him, and he’s pitting you against his ex, who you don’t know, are unlikely to ever know, and about whom he’s almost certainly not being truthful.

OP he’s just waved a huge shiny red flag with streamers and neon flashing lights, right in front of your face.If you continue to see him you’ll find this out the hard way.

I believe psychopaths, as in the medical definition not the general population accepted definition, are more common than people think. They are likely to be successful at work as well, does this apply? They actually don't have feelings, it's all about how it reflects on them. Even their children they don't love though they want them to be happy and successful as that reflects well on them as parents if that makes sense. It's a proper thing. If however he is saying he loves his parents and siblings and nephews and nieces but just not whoever he is dating then I'd guess he either has really warped views of how he sees women, or he has been damaged by a past relationship and is holding potential girlfriends at arms length so he doesn't get hurt again.

Either that or he just doesnt like you enough and is saying that rather than the truth which is that he likes you enough to sleep with you but nothing else.

No matter what's causing it, unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change him

He's a clinical psychopath. I dated one at what he says is true. They don't feel anything for other humans, including family. You're so lucky he told you. Run.

He's either -

1. Telling the truth and warning you not to ever expect more from him.

2. Trying to test how high you'll jump to his tune and whether or not you'll tie yourself in knots trying to be the one to 'change' him.

All this I drive ladies crazy crap too. He sounds like a twat.

Depends what you want. Not what you can twist yourself into thinking you want, but what you really want. If you want anything other than a FWB situation then there's no point. Step away before you get hurt.

He's setting himself up as a challenge. Some women will take the bait and try hard to be "the one" who he does develop feelings for. Meanwhile it gives him an excuse to be unavailable and possibly treat you very badly indeed.

It's not a good sign, let's put it that way.

At least he is honest Unlike some, which is good for you to avoid before getting caught up catching feelings for him. This is a huge red flag for you, you can find someone who will deserve you better.

For the latecomers, OP has already taken the advice on board and decided to cut contact.

If you want a fixer-upper then buy property.

THIS!

@breakmyheart

How can you know if you will or won't develop feelings tho? Surely they just happen if you spend time with someone or they don't. He will only meet me once a month. It's like he keeps me at arms length It's baffling When we meet up we have such a good time.

It's his way of testing how you'll react to a declaration of "I'll shit all over you then smile patronisingly when you get hurt and tell you I warned you".

It's not baffling. Please listen to PPs who tell you it's a red flag and walk away. Don't let your ego convince you that you'll change him, or that you might be different, or that when he gets to know you he'll change his mind and realise you're the one. He is his own one; the focus is entirely on him and his needs. He isn't interested in your needs.

@Tappering

If you want a fixer-upper then buy property.

It is not your job to fix someone else, and there is such a load of guff around how someone's love needs to 'heal' someone else. Normally it's an expectation for a woman to do all of the emotional labour and investment, whilst a bloke wanders in and out of the relationship using his poor ickle wounded heart as an excuse for acting like a bellend.

Absolutely this!

Well at least he’s honest!

You won’t change him.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

*He has been hurt before like major from his ex (bad breakup) I've been trying to take it slow and show him I'm not like his ex.*

Ah you're already playing his game. You have sucked up the story of the bitch ex that hurt him so badly.

Exactly. See also "ex was a gold digger, only wanted me for my money". Cue new girlfriend paying for everything, to show him she's not like his gold digger ex.

He's a clinical psychopath. I dated one at what he says is true. They don't feel anything for other humans, including family. You're so lucky he told you. Run.

If he's a clinical psychopath how did he get his heart broken by his ex? I don't believe him, I believe he wants the OP to run around trying to make him better while he owes her nothing cos he already told her he "has no feelings" basically he's a misogynistic piece of shit

My ex was like this. He is now a clinically diagnosed sociopath. He pretends to have feelings, imitates them but his 'feelings' for people are based around possession- he saw me like a pair of sunglasses that he didn't want anyone else to borrow, but that was the extent of it.

It's not really honesty though, is it. I'm sure he is capable of emotions, he just chooses not to honour you with those emotions.

Think of it like a test. Men like this tend to do it early on to weed out those who will see through their bullshit and not put up with it. It's a way of finding out where the woman's boundaries are and find the ones who have low self esteem or want to be a "rescuer".

If he's a clinical psychopath how did he get his heart broken by his ex? I don't believe him, I believe he wants the OP to run around trying to make him better while he owes her nothing cos he already told her he "has no feelings" basically he's a misogynistic piece of shit

This. ^

@breakmyheart

Were you having sex with him?

He just wants sex. That's how I'd see it.

Go in with your eyes open OP. He doesn't want a committed long term relationship.