He said he is incapable of feelings ...aibu to think this is impossible?

[breakmyheart]

I've started seeing someone.
Saturday night we went for a drink and he just randomly told me "I think I should let you know,I don't get feelings for anyone"
I said "what do you mean?"
He said "I don't get feelings,I end up driving women crazy"

How can you date women /sleep with women and not catch feelings?
What is the point ?
I'm confused

He thinks he sounds mysterious and a challenge. We think he sounds like a knob.

Let's assume you're right and it isn't possible not to have feelings. So why would he say that to you? The answer has to be that he wants you to have very low expectations of him in terms of affection, attention, good relationship behaviour, and then if you ever complain he will say 'I warned you, I did tell you I don't have feelings, this is just me'.

Is that really what you want? I doubt it. Walk away.

Please don't try to justify what he said and especially don't invest your time and effort trying to "fix" him. Incapable of feeling is a massive red flag. You don't need that.

Oh just don’t see him again. Who cares why or whether or not it’s true. Sounds like prick just don’t bother.

Why are you trying to show him anything? It’s not down to you to present yourself as the perfect package to slot in with whatever (you think) he needs. He only wants to see you once a month but here you are, after a matter of weeks, proving yourself in the hope of more. Why? He sounds shit.

When he acts like a dickhead in future and breaks your heart, he will say "well I told you when we met, it's your fault for not listening"

You're mad to even consider continuing this "relationship".

We’ve all been hurt btw. He’s not special.

Oh dear God woman! ‘incapable of feelings’ is code for, don’t get too attached and whatever crumbs I throw your way, will have be enough. If those crumbs aren’t enough, well I did tell you in the beginning, so you can’t be mad at me.

Walk away.

He’s either -

Telling the truth and a game playing dickhead who will never give you what you need but wants a shag.

Or

He’s lying but thinks it’ll make him appear like a ‘challenge’ because you’ll want to win him over and be the first woman to finally teach him how to love.

Either way, he’s not someone you want to waste time with. Burning, traffic light red flags.

Don’t fall into the trap of trying to be the one that ‘fixes’ him.

@breakmyheart

He has been hurt before like major from his ex (bad breakup) I've been trying to take it slow and show him I'm not like his ex. Maybe the damage is done.

You are asking for heartache here OP.

It doesn't really matter if he is like this because he was hurt by his last relationship, or if this is just part of his personality. He is emotionally unavailable, and is not capable of being in a healthy relationship with you. The only way this will change is if he works on himself off his own bat, you cannot 'fix' him and you would be foolish to try.

I agree with a PP, it's clear he's not that bothered and is feeding you scraps, which you are happily accepting. Value yourself, and you're far more likely to a) be happy in yourself and b) find a decent man who values you too.

OP, there are two possibilities here.

1. He is telling the truth, he is a genuine psychopath (as in clinically incapable of empathy, not necessarily dangerous but statistically much more likely to be so)

1. He is capable of feelings but it suits him to have you think he’s so hurt or damaged that only you can save him by being the one woman able to melt his frozen heart. So he’ll keep you dangling, thinking that if you’re just loyal and supportive and sexy and exciting enough, he will grow to love you. All the while, he has to make no effort in return because he’s already told you he’s ‘incapable of feelings’.

Neither scenario is good. Neither scenario suggests he’s someone you can have a happy and fulfilling relationship with.

One way or another, he had shown you who he is. You would be absolutely mad not to believe him.

It’s definitely possible not to get loving or empathetic feelings for people. My Dad doesn’t seem to and he genuinely can’t make it happen...he can’t see when he’s being cruel or unfeeling. I’d be glad this guy was honest and then I’d run for the hills.

@breakmyheart

He has been hurt before like major from his ex (bad breakup) I've been trying to take it slow and show him I'm not like his ex. Maybe the damage is done.

oh god don't, I bet he's loving having someone chase him around, trying to make him feel better while he has a license to be a dickhead "because he warned you how injured he was"

He is enjoying whatever he gets out of the relationship (ego boost, sex etc) and he is trying to keep you interested by playing mind games with you. He knows you’re hoping he will fall in love so he is playing into this.

If this was going to turn into a healthy relationship he would be making it very clear by now.

I don’t think he’s damaged, this is just a man treating a woman badly.

Don't do it, one of my best friends is like this. Hasn't had a relationship last longer than 4 months in years. I'm literally one of the only people he cares about enough to actually make an effort with, I know him and he still hurts me regularly. I love him to pieces and I'm in too deep now, but if I could go back in time I'd walk away at the beginning.

He doesn’t have feelings, but he’s been hurt by his ex? What does that mean?

I think he’s literally telling you that he does have feelings, but only for himself.

Run.

We have all been hurt.

He isn't special or unique.

He's an arrogant tosser priming you for low expectations.

This notion some women have of men who ‘just need the love of a good woman’ is such a fantasy.
No no...those women just need to love themselves more.

please dont waste your time trying to prove to him youre better than his ex. Chances are, his ex was just a normal woman like you are. Hes already started you up feeling competitive to his ex and hes basically told you he will never love you. Id try and get out now before you go mad

OP, I was going to say perhaps he means he cannot display affection. The rest of your posts indicate otherwise though. The red flag is that he will only see you once a month. That suggests to me he is probably in a settled relationship and gets what he wants from that. You are a monthly booty call perhaps?

@ZeldalovesLink

OP, there are two possibilities here.

1. He is telling the truth, he is a genuine psychopath (as in clinically incapable of empathy, not necessarily dangerous but statistically much more likely to be so)

1. He is capable of feelings but it suits him to have you think he’s so hurt or damaged that only you can save him by being the one woman able to melt his frozen heart. So he’ll keep you dangling, thinking that if you’re just loyal and supportive and sexy and exciting enough, he will grow to love you. All the while, he has to make no effort in return because he’s already told you he’s ‘incapable of feelings’.

Neither scenario is good. Neither scenario suggests he’s someone you can have a happy and fulfilling relationship with.

One way or another, he had shown you who he is. You would be absolutely mad not to believe him.

Also, I'm no expert on sociopaths but how likely is a sociopath to actually admit to someone that that's what they are? Anything I've read about sociopaths is how because of their lack of empathy/feelings they tend to try and charm and fool people more than be honest

Please listen to the advice here OP,
What this guy is telling you loud and clear is that he doesn’t have feelings FOR YOU.

Do yourself a favour and cut contact now. There’s plenty of nice men out there go and spend time with them because this one will mess with your head and break your heart.

Run, run away, fast. He's telling you he has no intention of treating you well, and then after he's broken your heart/fucked you up completely, he'll say "I did warn you I don't have feelings!" and act all wounded and wronged. Then he'll sod off with someone else that he'll tell the same sorry tale (an ex who hurt him - that's you) and do it again.