He said he is incapable of feelings ...aibu to think this is impossible?

[breakmyheart]

I've started seeing someone.
Saturday night we went for a drink and he just randomly told me "I think I should let you know,I don't get feelings for anyone"
I said "what do you mean?"
He said "I don't get feelings,I end up driving women crazy"

How can you date women /sleep with women and not catch feelings?
What is the point ?
I'm confused

Move on. Don't waste time on him. He's telling you what he's like.

Who cares what he means? What he's telling you is 'stay away from me', so I'd recommend you take him at his word.

Saying this does not make him deep, interesting, an exciting challenge or anything other than a massive twat.

Huge red flag- either a sociopath or a psychopath and sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies too: 'I drive women crazy' or whatever crap he said to you. Don't see again, cut all contact asap and read Brett Easton Ellis' book 'Amercan Psycho' so you understand the potential bullet you just dodged!
Also recommend The Psychopath Test too for interesting reading- less gory than American Psycho too.

I think cutting contact is the way to go here,thanks everyone.
Sometimes you just need people to tell you what your thinking.
He is deffo single and has been for 5 years or so as I've met his brother /sister and I'm on his Facebook etc.

He's just being an egotistical arse hole. He's saying that he believes you'll fall in love with him because he's so great but he'll break your heart because he isn't going to live you back. It's a power trip and grooming you to accept him being a shit.

It's code for "I'm unpleasant and on an ego trip with the express purpose of hurting you emotionally to boost my self esteem".

@breakmyheart

He has been hurt before like major from his ex (bad breakup) I've been trying to take it slow and show him I'm not like his ex. Maybe the damage is done.

If he 'has been hurt before' that is saying he does have feelings. Just that all his 'feelz' are for himself.

He 'doesn't have feelings' so he treated his ex like crap, when she eventually came to her senses his response was no doubt 'I warned you I don't have feelings so I haven't done anything wrong, you are an awful person for not accepting me as I am'.

He is now trying the same on you. For a while you want to make things better for him and put all the effort in. He feels this is how things should be but he doesn't have to put any effort in because 'he doesn't have feelings'.

When you come to your senses and stop being the one who puts 100% of effort in (+another 100% which should be his effort) you will become the 'unreasonable ex' who won't just accept who he is.

If you think you can change someone, you can't.

Let go now before you get emotionally attached.

I can’t be any plainer than this; dump him and keep looking. He is not the one for you by any stretch of the imagination. He has told you so.
Please don’t be so desperate as to accept that or so naive as to think you can win him round.
Waste. Of. Time.

I think you need to value you yourself more....surely you deserve more!

Either he's a genuine psycopath. Or (much more likely) he's just a dick who is clearing the way for a no strings shagathon and warning you now so you can't say he lead you up the garden path.

Either way, avoid him like the plague.

He is telling you very clearly with his words (won't develop feelings, it's affected previous relationships) and actions (won't see you more than once a month, keeps you at arms length) that this is how it's going to be.
Things will not become a relationship (that you will be satisfied in) because he doesn't want to or is incapable of being in one.

All this crap that women think if I just do this or once he has a chance to fall for me or once I show him I won't hurt him, if I give him enough time to realise he's safe with me and heal from his previous pain.

all of it is women (not deliberately) fucking themselves over! Either both people want to start a relationship or they don't there is actually in almost all circumstances that much middle ground and if someone shows me they don't then I'm worth more than hanging around for the scraps he is willing to share.

I'd hazard a guess you're one of many he has on the go at the moment. Good to see you're cutting him loose.

Well done OP. Cutting contact is the ONLY acceptable option, block him on everything and find someone who isn't a boring, snivelling immature man child.

Glad to see your update OP. You're doing the right thing.

Could he be ASD? Not that they don’t feel for sure but some people with ASD can struggle to recognise, label or express emotions in themselves (or others). My ASD partner told me he has very low empathy scores but he can still be kind (mostly). He struggles with emoting and affection. Just a thought.

He could alternatively be depressed and unable to feel emotions due to numbness?

Anyway, at least this guy is being honest so you can do careful due diligence before/if you proceed with anything more. I would not take anything on board that is too much for you in your personal conditions to handle - it is not for you to fix him!

Good decision OP.
You’ll realise soon you had a lucky escape.
This guy sounds egotistical, fucked in the head and just all around bad news

He’s only seeing you once a month because he’s seeing other women too. The ex story is bullshit. What a loser. I’d be embarrassed to know him, never mind go out with him.

Generally when men come out with stuff like this it's a way to keep you dangling on a string. He wants you to try and 'change' him. Sooner or later he'll profess to some kind of 'feelings' and then use them to push you away because he's been 'hurt in the past'. Basically he wants you to work for it because he's a drama llama. Chuck this one back. It's never worth it.

Ugh. What a knob!

Absolute wanker. Move on.

at least hes already told you-he doesnt want it to go so far that he gets hurt so if you want a serious relationship dont bother with him

Just read your update - glad you are binning him.

That's him telling you he is going to treat you like shit because he doesn't feel anything for you. He thinks this will keep you interested because you will be desperate to make him fall for you like, because he's told you he's never felt anything for anyone before.
Don't see him again.

Whether he actually has feelings is kind of irrelevant. He doesn't have any for you, and doesn't think he ever will have, he made that clear, so walk away.

Honestly, OP, though I'm glad you're going to stop seeing him, surely you're not as naive as you sound? You sound as if you'd fallen into the classic 'He's hurt and I'm going to show him I can be patient and loving, not like the bad woman in his past!' trap usually fallen into by the very young.

Twat.

Well done for deciding to move on.

He possibly thinks it makes him sound interesting🙄.

Unfortunately some women think men like this are a "challenge" to be "fixed".....

Eventually they mature and realise that all they've done is waste time on a self absorbed twat.

Moving on is always the wisest choice.