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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give DFriends a lift

133 replies

cautiouscovidity · 25/07/2020 19:10

I'm meeting friends tomorrow for the first time since lockdown. There are 3 of us that live close together in town A, and two that live in town B.
The three of us from town A take it in turns to lift share when one of the friends from town B is hosting. Technically it's my turn to drive as we're meeting in town B.
Due to current COVID guidelines in England (to avoid sharing a car with people outside your household if possible), I've said that I won't be offering a lift for tomorrow's (outdoor picnic) gathering as I'd assumed we'd travel separately under the circumstances. Friends think I'm being unreasonable and it will be fine if we all wear masks, have the windows down etc. but as I have to drive on the motorway I'm not keen to have the windows open.
One friend doesn't drive (but has a husband who could drop her off) and the other has said it would be difficult for her to drive there because she's parked her car in their garage and her DH and 2x teens' cars are parked in front of it, so a big hassle to shift the cars around just to get hers out (she's working from home so hasn't used the car in ages).
Both have said that they can't come if I can't offer a lift and all friends (including those in town B) think I'm being ridiculous and spoiling the get-together.
So ... lovely people in my phone... AIBU?

OP posts:
Chloemol · 25/07/2020 22:37

YANBU

Ontheboardwalk · 25/07/2020 22:46

Nope YANBU especially as they both have other options to get to the event and clearly just fancy you driving them about while they no doubt have a drink at the gathering

Skysblue · 25/07/2020 22:47

Yanbu. Where I am, all the friends who a few weeks ago were terrified to leave the house and who were taking showers after going food shopping, are now hugging each other, hanging out indoors together, sharing cabs and saying of distancing “oh we don’t bother with all that anymore.” (Everyone thinks they’ve already had it.) It is a problem though, if I meet up with them I can’t even stay 1m away because they won’t do it.

Perhaps it is the Dominic Cummings effect of when the government basically told us that the rules only apply to suckers. Or maybe people are just lazy / in denial / not capable of comprehending a crisis that isn’t over in a couple of months. I went to a cafe for a takeaway today, no masks in sight on staff or customers, not even those getting takeaways. No-one touched the sanitiser and the tables were crammed together as usual. Basically Britain has decided not to bother with protecting itself.

Get ready for a nasty second wave ☹️

Popjam · 25/07/2020 22:58

Your friend with the blocked in car needs to drive it so it doesn't get a flat battery or worse Hmm

UANBU

Intelinside57 · 25/07/2020 23:03

YANBU it wouldn't occur to me that people would share a car to go to a socially distanced picnic. They're nuts.

ECBC · 25/07/2020 23:33

YANBU and I don’t think anyone else should pressure you into it either.

Lemons1571 · 25/07/2020 23:38

No because sharing a car is a trigger to be named as a contact for test and trace. There are no mitigations as you can’t generally be over 1m away from all other people in the car. So masks and windows open won’t help you with that.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 26/07/2020 00:04

@Skysblue

Yanbu. Where I am, all the friends who a few weeks ago were terrified to leave the house and who were taking showers after going food shopping, are now hugging each other, hanging out indoors together, sharing cabs and saying of distancing “oh we don’t bother with all that anymore.” (Everyone thinks they’ve already had it.) It is a problem though, if I meet up with them I can’t even stay 1m away because they won’t do it.

Perhaps it is the Dominic Cummings effect of when the government basically told us that the rules only apply to suckers. Or maybe people are just lazy / in denial / not capable of comprehending a crisis that isn’t over in a couple of months. I went to a cafe for a takeaway today, no masks in sight on staff or customers, not even those getting takeaways. No-one touched the sanitiser and the tables were crammed together as usual. Basically Britain has decided not to bother with protecting itself.

Get ready for a nasty second wave ☹️

I have had the opposite experience so maybe you should just be more picky about where you shop.
saraclara · 26/07/2020 00:12

I'm not one of the more super-cautious MNers when it comes to Covid, but I wouldn't give anyone a lift at the moment. Even my daughters and I drive separately, even though we risk a hug (faces turned away) when we part.
Travelling in a car is about as confined as three unrelated people can get, and having windows open on a motorway is just silly.

And yep, use your elderly bubbled relative as your reason.

YANBU

GreenPlum · 26/07/2020 00:42

YANBU

Hodge00079 · 26/07/2020 01:58

YANBU. You clearly do not feel comfortable car sharing. TBH I wouldn’t either.

Unless there is some back story (which I doubt there is) and you come up with an excuse when it is your turn, friends are BU.

JennyWoodentop · 26/07/2020 04:47

YANBU

I am not in the UK so not sure of all your guidelines but I would not be giving anyone not from my household a lift anywhere at the moment except in an emergency. This is not an emergency & they both have other means to get there apart from you giving them a lift, they just prefer not to use their other means of travelling - that's fine, that's their choice but it doesn't oblige you to step up.

Hydrate · 26/07/2020 04:57

You are not being unreasonable.

FrancesHaHa · 26/07/2020 06:16

YANBU. I'm not super cautious, but I would never assume someone else would give me a lift anywhere right now. I'd assume otherwise unless discussed and agreed.

I say this as someone who doesn't have a car. The idea that someone who has a car but can't be bothered to get it out is thinking this seems just odd in our current situation. Surely she can give the other friend a lift?

blackteaplease · 26/07/2020 06:19

YANBU to want to travel separately at this time. Ordinarily you would give the lift but at the moment it's not allowed. Your friends are in the wrong here.

emilybrontescorsett · 26/07/2020 06:27

Where I live we have been advised not to car share by the council.
I wouldn't give them a lift.

userxx · 26/07/2020 06:41

I'd have no problem with driving them.

minisoksmakehardwork · 26/07/2020 06:45

Yanbu to not give them a lift. It is very much your prerogative and I understand and agree with your reasons why.

But; yabu to have assumed they would be following guidelines regarding lifts without mentioning it when the meeting was proposed and to assume non-driving friends dh could give her a lift. He may have other commitments that day.

Friend who just doesn't want to do the car shuffle is unreasonable for that alone. But I understand her frustration if she was expecting a lift.

Ultimately you are all unreasonable to have left it so late in the day to realise that you're not all on the same page regarding lifts and this should have been raised by you as the person rota'd to drive as the upset could have been avoided.

Rewis · 26/07/2020 07:42

Yanbu. I don't mind car sharing but they are being ridiculous and not wanting to shuffle cars around are the dumbest exchse ever. They could easily car share without you but are choosing to be difficult.

Lampan · 26/07/2020 07:42

If you go in a car with someone you would be a ‘contact’ in the event that they needed to do test and trace. So I wouldn’t. At the moment I’m all about minimising my chances of getting a text telling me to isolate for 2 weeks!

IamMaz · 26/07/2020 08:16

We recently drove to some friends [another married couple] to have a chat in their garden. Both husbands decided to drive somewhere that was literally 5 minutes away. My DH and I insisted the men each drove alone their respective cars. The other guy thought it daft but complied.
Better safe than sorry...

diddl · 26/07/2020 09:02

@userxx

I'd have no problem with driving them.
Why don't you offer then?
MariaDingbat · 26/07/2020 09:12

YANBU. The chance of catching something in close quarters, like inside a small car, with other people is so much higher than being outside with them. They are being selfish to assume you would risk your health for their convenience at the moment.

It worries me how many people are acting like Covid has gone away. We still don't know what the long term effects of catching it are, but some of the early research is scary and showing heart and brain damage even in those who are asymptomatic.

Original poster
cautiouscovidity · 26/07/2020 11:08

@Lampan

If you go in a car with someone you would be a ‘contact’ in the event that they needed to do test and trace. So I wouldn’t. At the moment I’m all about minimising my chances of getting a text telling me to isolate for 2 weeks!
Yes and that's a very good point. DH is self-employed with no staff so it would mean no work (and thus no income) if this were to occur - not to mention massively inconveniencing his clients who might be in the middle of having work down if he suddenly had to down tools midway through and stop for 2 weeks.
OP posts:
Original poster
cautiouscovidity · 26/07/2020 11:12

@Hodge00079

YANBU. You clearly do not feel comfortable car sharing. TBH I wouldn’t either.

Unless there is some back story (which I doubt there is) and you come up with an excuse when it is your turn, friends are BU.

Nope, no backstory. Always happy to give the lift when it's my turn in normal circumstances.
OP posts:
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