To not give DFriends a lift

[cautiouscovidity]

I'm meeting friends tomorrow for the first time since lockdown. There are 3 of us that live close together in town A, and two that live in town B.
The three of us from town A take it in turns to lift share when one of the friends from town B is hosting. Technically it's my turn to drive as we're meeting in town B.
Due to current COVID guidelines in England (to avoid sharing a car with people outside your household if possible), I've said that I won't be offering a lift for tomorrow's (outdoor picnic) gathering as I'd assumed we'd travel separately under the circumstances. Friends think I'm being unreasonable and it will be fine if we all wear masks, have the windows down etc. but as I have to drive on the motorway I'm not keen to have the windows open.
One friend doesn't drive (but has a husband who could drop her off) and the other has said it would be difficult for her to drive there because she's parked her car in their garage and her DH and 2x teens' cars are parked in front of it, so a big hassle to shift the cars around just to get hers out (she's working from home so hasn't used the car in ages).
Both have said that they can't come if I can't offer a lift and all friends (including those in town B) think I'm being ridiculous and spoiling the get-together.
So ... lovely people in my phone... AIBU?

YANBU. I wouldn't want to give anyone a lift at the moment unless it was really necessary. Not for a social event.

YANBU

I don’t drive and wouldn’t expect even my best friend to give me a lift at the moment

@LoisLittsLover

I think you're being excessively cautious given that you are happy to meet with such a big group.

A group of 5 people in an outdoors environment for a picnic (each taking our own food) is perfectly within guidelines and very different to 3 people being squashed into my Renault Clio for 20 mins.

YANBU
Your car, your choice.

YANBU.

how long is the journey.
i think they should accept your decision instead of arguing though tbh

YANBU.

I would not be sharing my car with anyone outside my household at this stage, unless it was an emergency.

YANBU OP

I think it is clear everyone has different approaches to the current circumstances and some people are more cautious than others.

If you are not comfortable going in one car then it's not fair of your friends to put pressure on you.

I first thought you were mentioning it late too but if it hasn't been mentioned before then I would have assumed, like you, that we'd each make our own way there.

@Scarby9

YANBU I am driving separately to our holiday cottage next week and will be driving separately to every outing while we are there. I would share a car if I had to drive someone for medical attention, but otherwise, it is too early.

Yes I agree. The guidelines say 'where possible' so I assume car sharing should be for unavoidable reasons such as attending medical appointments, taking elderly / non driver relatives to the shops occasionally, getting children to school or colleagues to work (if you normally give a lift and they have no other options etc.). I don't think a social event is in the same category at all.

just tell them it is to protect them from you!

I mean tbh the fact that you're willing to meet such a big group in the first place makes me think you're not so much concerned about social distancing and it's more about the fact that you want to be seen to be "following the rules"

For that reason, I think YABU.

There comes a point in all of this that you have to start using common sense to dictate whether something is a dangerous situation or not, and I don't think sitting in a car with some friends who you were already planning on spending the entire afternoon with is putting you in more danger than you'd already signed up to (by agreeing to meet them in the first place)

@OneMoreLight

YANBU although we're strict on the distancing rules in our house due to shielding.

No shielding here but we're in a bubble with an elderly relative so feel the need to be a bit more careful than some I suppose.

Is that actually still a rule? I haven’t heard anything said about it for ages.

@mrsmummy1111

I mean tbh the fact that you're willing to meet such a big group in the first place makes me think you're not so much concerned about social distancing and it's more about the fact that you want to be seen to be "following the rules"

For that reason, I think YABU.

There comes a point in all of this that you have to start using common sense to dictate whether something is a dangerous situation or not, and I don't think sitting in a car with some friends who you were already planning on spending the entire afternoon with is putting you in more danger than you'd already signed up to (by agreeing to meet them in the first place)

But meeting 4 people (plus myself) in a big open space where we can - and would - keep 2+ metres apart is somewhat different to sharing a car with 2 others. My car isn't huge and we'd be in it for 20 mins or so, almost certainly sharing each others' air even with masks. Opening the windows isn't massively practical as the shortest route involves a motorway for most of the journey so somewhat noisy / chilly if I was to have all the windows open.

@mrsmummy1111

I mean tbh the fact that you're willing to meet such a big group in the first place makes me think you're not so much concerned about social distancing and it's more about the fact that you want to be seen to be "following the rules"

For that reason, I think YABU.

There comes a point in all of this that you have to start using common sense to dictate whether something is a dangerous situation or not, and I don't think sitting in a car with some friends who you were already planning on spending the entire afternoon with is putting you in more danger than you'd already signed up to (by agreeing to meet them in the first place)

5 people can hardly be considered a "big group" can it? And there is a big difference between sitting far apart in the fresh air and spending 20 minutes together in a very confined space. Which Iexpect is why the current rules and guidelines allow the first but discourage the second.

Have you said /reminded them, its because of your elderly relative?

@PinkiOcelot

Is that actually still a rule? I haven’t heard anything said about it for ages.

Yes it is

@Maryhadalittlejam

Have you said /reminded them, its because of your elderly relative?

No, because that's not the only reason. I don't think I'd be comfortable with it anyway TBH.

Sitting side by side in masks with the windows open a bit. I'd give them a lift.

3 people in a small car together is much higher risk than 5 people, outside and socially distancing at 2m.

It's common sense that you wouldn't car share at a time like this, don't let them make you feel like you're being ridiculous when it's literally the government's guidelines.

Yabu. Windows open with masks on would be okay.

Yanbu.

@PinkiOcelot

Is that actually still a rule? I haven’t heard anything said about it for ages.

This is the problem.

I was talking to DH earlier about how many people seem to think there are no rules anymore. We are seeing more and more photos on Facebook of people hugging people not in their household or on days out in close contact with others.

People need regular reminding otherwise they forget unfortunately.

By the way OP YANBU at all.

I think if you don't want to give the lifts yanbu but have to face the consequence with your friendship group as they clearly think yabu. Will you be happy not to be invited in future?

You will certainly have to accept the fact that the meet up will be cancellled and you will be blamed, reasonably or not. I don't think they will care that MN agreed with you.