How to respond to this re coffee meeting.

[EvePolastri938]

Meeting two friends this weekend , one of them always has to have her way and find it a bit grating.
It's only a small town centre, I suggested a place we have already been to and she asked if we can first meet somewhere else as she hasn't got a clue where it is.

Then I suggested a perfectly good place which is very hard to miss on the main street.
She replied saying, 'shall we just meet somewhere else and then look round ?'

This isn't the first time otherwise I wouldn't mind,don't really know what to reply.

"Why can't we just go to the place I suggested ?" might sound a bit aggressive and it will probably come across wrong. Saying "sure" just implies I have no backbone and will do whatever she says.

Don't fancy getting into an argument just we are meant to meet but just fed up that it always has to be what suits her.

I know it sounds such a trivial thing, I'm more than happy to be easy going but I don't want it to constantly be like this

I knew someone like this years ago. She had to control and micromanage everything, and would have a strop of she didn't get her way.

The "friendship" didn't last long.

"Sorry but I dont really want to wander round town. I can either meet you at X cafe or Y location, unless you want to go somewhere else? If so, just let me know and I'll meet you there.."

Yeah, it's just ridiculous. It's always 'do you want to come round mine/meet near mine' etc.
I live on a busy main road with all sorts of cafés, bars etc. But because it's not a 'posh area' I don't think it's 'good enough' for her.

It's only 10 minutes away from hers too.

"I'd rather not mess about. If there's somewhere you want to go we'll meet there, otherwise make it [place on high street]"

Thank you, those are helpful !

Eve she have few friends if she continues this pattern!

Yes You could even say. With covid it is not really the time for wandering about so I'll see you at (your suggestion) at (time) then.

Does she suffer from anxiety at all? I know I can't meet people in a place, but I am honest about the reason why.

Can you nicely send a screenshot from Google Maps of where the place is and tell her you will see her there at midday and say if she still wants to look round, you can do so once you’ve met there. Then ensure you are sat down with a drink when she arrives.

What does the other friend say?

I'd just say "hey, don't really fancy wandering about in the current climate, I'd like to have a firm plan on where we are meeting. Is there something wrong with where I suggested? An issue from last time?"

I was gonna ask if she has anxiety, my good friend feels a lot more relaxed and calm if we meet somewhere else first and then head to the place together. It's not a problem with myself or any other of her friends because we like her and want to include her.

She stresses about getting somewhere first, or walking into a busy cafe on her own and new places can freak her out a bit but if we all head there together it's easier for her.

Seems far more like a case of the bleeding awkward pain in the neck syndrome rather than anxiety to me.

No anxiety that I know of as she's more than happy to meet at other places that she's suggested herself, the other friend hasn't said anything, it just always has to be on her terms whatever it is and another friend has previously commented on it.

She felt perfectly ok with just saying straight out to you - no, can we do X?

So you should be the same with her.

'No I don't want to wander around, I'd like to meet at (cafe you suggested)'

Blunt. There's nothing wrong with just being exactly the same as she's been to you. No thanks, I want to do this.

Assuming your other mate will agree to meet where you’d like would respond along the lines of “would still prefer to meet at [X place - original place], suggest we all meet there at [X time]. Don’t fancy looking around’.

If she can’t find it that’s her problem!

Find out where the other friend wants to go and just present it as sorted - 2 against 1

Thanks everyone :) I think I just won't bother in the future unless it's in a larger group as she can't necessarily have the monopoly then.
She and her husband have hinted at my area being rough (it's perfectly fine but it's not upmarket), I invited her for a drink there once and she just said "Shall we go to X place near mine ?"
I said in a jokey way that I felt like they thought my area was rough and she neither confirmed nor denied it.

"Shall we just meet somewhere else and then look round?"

"No thanks. I like [x place] so let's meet there at [time]. Looking forward to seeing you!"

Don't engage. Don't give her the opportunity to control the situation.

Nah...let’s stick to (cafe) as it’s easy to find. Let’s say 3pm. X

Send that.

Oh gosh, she sounds exhausting.

"I'd rather not mess about. If there's somewhere you want to go we'll meet there, otherwise make it [place on high street]"
exactly.

It's just a bit rude as well I find, like my suggestions aren't valid.

It is rather dismissive.

Have you text her back yet?

You could always tell her you're getting there a bit early to do some shopping and you'll meet her in XYZ cafe as you will be there, anyway.