How to respond to this re coffee meeting.

[EvePolastri938]

Meeting two friends this weekend , one of them always has to have her way and find it a bit grating.
It's only a small town centre, I suggested a place we have already been to and she asked if we can first meet somewhere else as she hasn't got a clue where it is.

Then I suggested a perfectly good place which is very hard to miss on the main street.
She replied saying, 'shall we just meet somewhere else and then look round ?'

This isn't the first time otherwise I wouldn't mind,don't really know what to reply.

"Why can't we just go to the place I suggested ?" might sound a bit aggressive and it will probably come across wrong. Saying "sure" just implies I have no backbone and will do whatever she says.

Don't fancy getting into an argument just we are meant to meet but just fed up that it always has to be what suits her.

Not replied yet but she's since texted saying another café, there must have been some sort of issue with the one I had suggested lol

"No thanks. I like [x place] so let's meet there at [time]. Looking forward to seeing you!"

This. Don’t let her mess you round. If she comes back’ with some other idea after this, I would just say ‘As you aren’t up for this, me and (other friend) will just meet. See you another time!” Be brave!

I’m thinking that by the nature of her responses it’s more that she is a spontaneous type and doesn’t like to micro-plan exactly where you will have coffee ahead of time, but you are a planner and scheduler and you prefer to have it set and written down that we will meet at place X at time Y and I will order Z because I’ve been there before and know what they serve.
It’s interesting too that the 3rd person hasn’t spoken up? The 2nd friend? Perhaps her responses too were more to show 3rd person that she’s flexible and open to a suggestion from her as well as you.

Next time say Lets cut to the chase, you decide as you'll turn your nose up to my suggestions anyway.

That's a good point but she likes to plan other things so I don't think it's that.
Before lockdown she wanted me to agree to a cinema meeting two months in advance !

Sometimes I say things like that because of social anxiety. Meeting in places I've never been before triggers my anxiety, even though you wouldn't outwardly be able to tell I was feeling very anxious.

None of my friends would be able to guess even though we're very close.

I’m thinking that by the nature of her responses it’s more that she is a spontaneous type and doesn’t like to micro-plan exactly where you will have coffee ahead of time

No she just wants to be in control.

If I plan to meet people for coffee, I want to go for coffee. Therefore I make arrangements to meet someone at a coffee shop (or at a central location if location doesn't know where it is).

I often have other plans later in the day and can't just wander round town aimlessly waiting for someone to seem a coffee shop acceptable. I do not want to wander round town trying to agree on where to go, if I did I'd invite someone to "go into town and maybe grab coffee or lunch".

I don't think it's an anxiety thing because she's been very confident suggesting things in the past that are convenient to her.

What does the other friend want to do?

Did you correct her when she said that she didn't know where the first place was?

I think that since she has asked you though you should say no, I'd like to meet at (the 2nd place) as I suggested.

I've texted saying that the place I suggested is perfectly nice and that i've been before and know where it is.

Sorry, just seen that she's suggested yet another place.

All sounds too exhausting!

Can you just meet the other friend?

I'd do a passive aggressive. 'Yes of course we can , as it suits you.'

It really is, so much hassle just for a bloody coffee ! Is it really going to be significantly better in one place than another lol

She's a PITA OP.
Make NO mistake....

@FizzyGreenWater
@BIWI
@Shizzlestix

The three ladies above have comprehensively nailed it.

👏👏👏

What's a PITA ?? Lol

Pita - pain in the arse

I have a 'friend' just like this. We are in a friend group of 5 and a few weeks ago I did a group message to plan a meal and drinks out (our first since lockdown) and suggested a time and date but said I was happy to do another time/date if people had plans. Everyone agreed but she said she might not be able to do that time so I changed it to when she suggested. She has now pulled out which is what she usually does if she hasn't organised it. Can't afford it but in the next breath is sending us links to a new restaurant that's opened walking distance to where she lives asking if anyone fancies lunch one day!
And she is the only one not working at the mo, none of the rest of us can do lunch!

Pain In The Ass.

And yes, she is one.

It could be anxiety. Or it could be she’s a controlling pita. She’s happily suggesting meeting inside other places so it doesn’t seem like she has issues just walking into places. I’m terrible for new places and anxiety but the thought of just walking around with no plan is hella worse.

I think it’s a control thing. Just likes to establish that she’s in charge.
Is she often late for things as well? Just wondering...

Would put you off meeting people.. I usually plan our nights. Suggestions of x and y restaurants and let me know please. They great. No hassles. My mother is inflexible like this thread nothing suits her

You've been posting a different issue with friends nearly every day. Are your friends really all so dreadful?

I used to have a friend who did this. Any time I suggested meeting somewhere, she would say yes, and then nearer the time she would suggest somewhere else. When I started noticing it, it got really annoying. I think it was probably the start of the end of that friendship. For her it wasn't an anxiety thing, it was control thing.

@Ohtherewearethen

You've been posting a different issue with friends nearly every day. Are your friends really all so dreadful?

Well spotted @Ohtherewearethen ...

Not all no, got some amazing ones, just new on this and having a couple of issues atm and struggling with boundaries so it probably does seem that way.

You've started four threads today?