How to respond to this re coffee meeting.

[EvePolastri938]

Meeting two friends this weekend , one of them always has to have her way and find it a bit grating.
It's only a small town centre, I suggested a place we have already been to and she asked if we can first meet somewhere else as she hasn't got a clue where it is.

Then I suggested a perfectly good place which is very hard to miss on the main street.
She replied saying, 'shall we just meet somewhere else and then look round ?'

This isn't the first time otherwise I wouldn't mind,don't really know what to reply.

"Why can't we just go to the place I suggested ?" might sound a bit aggressive and it will probably come across wrong. Saying "sure" just implies I have no backbone and will do whatever she says.

Don't fancy getting into an argument just we are meant to meet but just fed up that it always has to be what suits her.

@sonjadog

I thought it was quite a rude and aggressive question too.

Aggressive? You clearly have a different definition of aggression than I do.

Oh stop arguing. I don’t know who has said what now but I agree that looking up someone’s posting history and slinging it into a current thread isn’t really on. There’s no rule that says you can’t of course but still.

I love threads like these...they are so interesting. Most of us know someone or have known someone like OP’s friend. It’s good to know other people notice these things and get annoyed by them too and it’s interesting to see how they deal with these types. Minutiae like this is probably my favourite thing about mumsnet.

I love threads like these...they are so interesting. Most of us know someone or have known someone like OP’s friend

Agree

'running late' it's a Saturday, not trafic-related and she has no kids so unless it's an Emergency it's just rude and there's no excuse for it.

Sounds as though she’s used to getting her own way and people allow her to get away with it. Good for you for trying to change the dynamic.

I have a friend who is always late.

She thinks it's no big deal.

I have a friend that likes to be in control and if she didnt get her own way she would always have a last minute issue that would mean you were left waiting for her. Or she would be late and would message 5 mins before a meet up "still in a massive Post Office queue at the post office next to her favourite cafe instead of meeting at X coffee shop at the other end of town that she doesnt like why don't you meet me at the Post Office?" Then when you met up she wouldnt want to walk back to X coffee shop, so why dont we just go to the cafe next door instead?

This stopped as soon as the rest of my friends stopped enabling it. Running late and we're meeting in a public place? I'll start heading to our destination. Still at the Post Office? No worries, I'm already at X cafe so I'll grab a table and listen to a podcast while I wait for you. Running late for a movie our kids want to see? Well the movie starts soon and DD and I already have our tickets so we'll meet you in the screen. We're in Row F seats 3&4 and have reserved seats 1&2 for you and your DC, just tell the cashier your name when you go to pay. Etcetc

As soon as we stopped waiting for her to turn up and just carried on with the intended schedule, she stopped having quite so many last minute issues/traffic delays when meeting us.

What happened? Did you go to the café you chose?

Running late - I knew it. If she can’t control the where, she’ll control the when so people are left waiting for her.
It’s insecurity...these people aren’t content to rub along, they need to be validated and have influence over others one way or another.

So rude of her.

Did you and your mutual friend catch up at the cafe anyway, OP?

Some good tips from melj123. If you otherwise still enjoy her company, of course, if not just don’t bother! Have a friend who is a bit like this, I do still like her and enjoy catching up, so deal with this flaw of hers without putting myself out more than am willing to!

I got a text from a relation some months back she could fit me in would be at x cafe. So it just suited her window.
I suit myself more now with people

For friends like these that are notoriously late it's best to say to call when they get to town and then decide then depending on what's busy. Then get there on time, go to the coffee shop you like and text them. 'Just got a coffee at x place. Let me know when you are nearby and if you want me to order one' and leave it at that.