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Original poster

How to respond to this re coffee meeting.

87 replies

EvePolastri938 · 24/07/2020 19:00

Meeting two friends this weekend , one of them always has to have her way and find it a bit grating.
It's only a small town centre, I suggested a place we have already been to and she asked if we can first meet somewhere else as she hasn't got a clue where it is.

Then I suggested a perfectly good place which is very hard to miss on the main street.
She replied saying, 'shall we just meet somewhere else and then look round ?'

This isn't the first time otherwise I wouldn't mind,don't really know what to reply.

"Why can't we just go to the place I suggested ?" might sound a bit aggressive and it will probably come across wrong. Saying "sure" just implies I have no backbone and will do whatever she says.

Don't fancy getting into an argument just we are meant to meet but just fed up that it always has to be what suits her.

OP posts:
NotSorry · 24/07/2020 21:50

@Pinkyyy

You've started four threads today?
So?

Are you the thread police?

Original poster
EvePolastri938 · 24/07/2020 21:50

Exactly, is there a limit on the number of threads per day ?

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 24/07/2020 21:51

Jesus Christ. It's odd that's all.

NotSorry · 24/07/2020 21:58

@Pinkyyy

Jesus Christ. It's odd that's all.
Why?
Pinkyyy · 24/07/2020 22:08

@NotSorry WTF?

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/07/2020 22:09

"She replied saying, 'shall we just meet somewhere else and then look round ?'"
I'd actually go with 'No.'

Just that. Fuck her, life's too short to deal with this type of crap. Let's see how she deals with being told no.

NotSorry · 24/07/2020 22:20

@Pinkyyy I called you out because you were being nasty - the OP can start as many threads as she wants - wind your neck in and don’t WTF me

Ohtherewearethen · 24/07/2020 22:26

@NotSorry - actually it's your comments that come across as more aggressive and antagonistic.

Pinkyyy · 24/07/2020 22:30

@NotSorry You're trying to gaslight me. Nice try.

@Ohtherewearethen I agree.

VioletGrace · 24/07/2020 22:42

I've stopped meeting up with a friend who always did that. We met in a group of three and no matter where the other two of us suggested meeting, this friend would say she didn't want to go there as she had already been there that week, or because her daughter didn't like that soft play centre, or because she didn't like the coffee at that coffee shop. Everything had to be on her terms. Then she'd change the time at the last minute as she'd been busy, or decided to take her daughter to get school shoes, or she'd popped to see another friend, the list was endless.

I just meet the other friend from the group on a one to one basis now.We both are happy to meet wherever each other suggests.

NotSorry · 24/07/2020 22:46

@Pinkyyy - you clearly don’t understand the meaning of gaslighting

You had a go at the OP because she’s started a number of threads today - I called you out for doing it and you didn’t like it - that’s not gaslighting, that’s the truth

@Ohtherewearethen if you consider my replies aggressive then that’s up to you - however Pinkyyy chose to be aggressive first and didn’t like it when she was called out on it

OP - apologies for derailing your thread, I’m very tired of the aggression on mumsnet these days and I snapped

Purplepie78 · 24/07/2020 22:51

I’d send a map and say don’t worry it’s really easy, see you there at .....

AliceinBunnyland · 24/07/2020 22:58

Good for you OP

Agree she is PITA or you are not being upfront about how rough the place really is

billy1966 · 25/07/2020 01:16

Well done OP, for trying to learn strategies to move forward in your life and develop boundaries.

Threads like these help lots of people👏👍

earsup · 25/07/2020 01:41

I used to know someone like that...she always chose the place to meet up and always awful...either really over priced or really bad food etc. But never realised how bad these places were !!.I stopped responding and eventually just blocked her as just became very draining listening to all her silly dramas...

Pinkyyy · 25/07/2020 07:15

[quote NotSorry]@Pinkyyy - you clearly don’t understand the meaning of gaslighting

You had a go at the OP because she’s started a number of threads today - I called you out for doing it and you didn’t like it - that’s not gaslighting, that’s the truth

@Ohtherewearethen if you consider my replies aggressive then that’s up to you - however Pinkyyy chose to be aggressive first and didn’t like it when she was called out on it

OP - apologies for derailing your thread, I’m very tired of the aggression on mumsnet these days and I snapped[/quote]
You're talking rubbish.

I haven't said anything aggressive at all. I asked a simple question and you took it upon yourself to get your knickers in a twist and keep trying to poke my for an argument. Give it a rest.

NotSorry · 25/07/2020 07:32

@Pinkyyy the problem is you see it as a simple question, however the written word can come across in different ways to different people, as there’s no tone.

Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt and say you weren’t being aggressive, your comment was still unnecessary and inflammatory. It didn’t contribute to the thread which was actually very supportive to the OP and as billy1966 just said, these threads are helpful to people in similar situations as other people give their strategies and experiences. It would be a shame if other people were put off posting because other posters are asking why someone has posted so many threads.

Let’s both just leave it now as we’re not going to agree.

Pinkyyy · 25/07/2020 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

User43210 · 25/07/2020 08:22

@Pinkyyy I don't think you were being rude, you did just mention that four threads were started which may seem a bit unusual to have four separate issues.

@NotSorry your reply about thread police was quite sarcastic from an outsider POV when Pinkyyy was just questioning a seemingly excessive amount of posts.

I think (as you said NotSorry) written word can be taken differently to intended but people are quick to jump on and have a go and make someone feel attacked who wasn't being aggressive in the first place.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/07/2020 08:32

I used to have a friend like this too - cue endless traipsing around peering at different restaurants, none of which would be up to scratch... followed by moaning about sore feet from too much walking when we did sit down - and wherever she had finally chosen.
Pain in the neck to polite, definitely PitA.
Agree with the "We're meeting here, hope to see you" approach - and don't invite her next time.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/07/2020 08:33

forgot to add - the only anxiety involved is the anxiety that she is not 100% in control

Pinkyyy · 25/07/2020 08:36

@User43210 thank you, it was just a question

OP I hope you managed to come to an agreement.

Shizzlestix · 25/07/2020 09:18

Blimey, if people didn’t start threads, it would be a very boring forum. I can’t understand these posters who search OP”s names to check what else they’ve written.

BIWI · 25/07/2020 09:20

I can’t understand these posters who search OP”s names to check what else they’ve written

Really? I think you'll find that Advanced Search can be very useful.

sonjadog · 25/07/2020 09:20

I thought it was quite a rude and aggressive question too.