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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel confused and old about transgender issues.

539 replies

confusedandold · 24/07/2020 08:29

I was born in 1976 so 43 years old. During school, I don't recall any children in my school having issues with their gender. There may have been some but none that I was away of. I had no experience of transgender people apart from a vague memory of seeing a man in women clothing walking up the road and being fascinated by it.

Transgender issues have never been at the forefront of my mind. I feel that I'm very accepting of other people's life choices and that people have a right to be happy in their lives whatever that means for them.

Lately, I feel completely confused by transgender issues. It has never been something that I'd given much thought to but I get completely an utterly confused by the terminology. Non-binary, cisgender etc this is all wording that I had never encountered before. Everyone seems to be talking about trans right and gender issues and I don't understand where this has suddenly come from. Is it that more people have issues around their gender? Is it fashionable to be gender-neutral? Is it just that people now feel more comfortable in expressing how they feel inside? Is there greater acceptance? I'm returning to the UK after 10 years abroad and this is a topic that was never really discussed when I left.

I guess I'm asking because I don't want to inadvertently offend anyone by using incorrect terminology. As shocking as this may sound but when I was at school mixed-race people were referred to as 'half-caste', even mixed-race people in my school referred to themselves in this way, now this is a huge no-no. Times change, language changes and it is so easy to offend while having no intention whatsoever of doing so.

OP posts:
Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:39

@CosSam1

You boomer Karens will never get it. Thankfully my generation is kinder than yours.
Yeah, when you're telling women to choke on dicks and threatening to curbstomp them you mean it kindly
RufustheRowlingReindeer · 24/07/2020 19:40

Thankfully my generation is kinder than yours

Its really not

Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:41

Most of us are Gen X anyway 👍

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 24/07/2020 19:41

Trans woman are valid and they need and deserve our support.

Come on everyone. @CosSam1 is right. The 3.5 billion of us should just 'be kind' and then the mens' feelz wouldn't hurt half as much!

Women: be kind, FFS!

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:42

You should all educate yourself.

ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:43

Thankfully my generation is kinder than yours.
(a) What generation am I
(b) We fought very hard to allow people to be who they wanted to be, without labels
(c) I am not a label, I'm an individual

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:43

If transwomen are going through the same turmoil as women in their rejection of gender norms, getting hurt and bullied as a result, then I have every sympathy.

I find it quite strange that there is a total ignoring by the TWAW crew of the gender identity issues that natal females face. These people are ignoring the hurt they inflict on other gender none matching people by their insistence on attributing meaning to binary gender identities.

RufustheRowlingReindeer · 24/07/2020 19:43

@Pertella

Most of us are Gen X anyway 👍
Yep

Gotta be the coolest name surely

Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:43

OK, im calling parady now 🤣

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 24/07/2020 19:43

FFS. Why do I keep feeding the half witted, mysogynistic fucking wankers?

RufustheRowlingReindeer · 24/07/2020 19:44

nicelegs

Boredom?

Or pity?

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:44

We as ciswomen need to show transwomen love and compassion. It’s really not hard to do either.

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:44

Boomer...snowflake...Karen...
The quality of debate is beautiful

Madvixen · 24/07/2020 19:44

@CosSam1

You should all educate yourself.
I really don't think anyone on this thread needs to educate themselves. Well, except maybe you.

You're entitled to your beliefs but no one else has to share them. Shouting people down with thought terminating phrases is the mark of someone who has no intelligent input to the debate

TheWordWomanIsTaken · 24/07/2020 19:45

[quote VillanellesOrangeCoat]@confusedandold I have never met a trans person in all of my 43 years.

You probably have, and just not realised Smile[/quote]
Of course she would have realised.
In real life, people are not photoshopped and filtered [eyerollemojiplease]

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:45

You got me!

Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:46

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace

FFS. Why do I keep feeding the half witted, mysogynistic fucking wankers?
well, its a hobby isn't it.

And what else are us old bitter "karens" supposed to do of an evening anyway?

nauticant · 24/07/2020 19:46

Trans woman are getting killed everyday due to this kind of transphobic nonsense. Trans rights are human rights.

How many transwomen have been murdered in the UK over the past decade?

How many women have been murdered in the UK over the past decade?

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:46

Cis woman yourself. Don't attribute a gender identity to anyone else, it's terribly unkind.

I a. asking you to be kind to females who have lived through dysmorphia, learnt coping strategies and then are getting CIS hurled at them.

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:47

@Pertella you got me.

Skyliner001 · 24/07/2020 19:47

@WooleyJ123

This thread is so gross

Wanted to leave some facts for the pearl clutchers/bigots

Assault or rape by a stranger only accounts for 13% of all reported attacks against women

Of that 13% less than 9% were outside the victims home or the perpetrators home - the majority of the 9% were street attacks however the numbers are so low street, bathrooms, parks etc. are all combined (so the percentage of total toilet attacks is much less than 9%)

The vast majority of offenders are male. Trans women do not count as 'male' (rightfully so) under the majority of the crime reports done in the UK. There are many separate FOI reports on the numbers of trans victims and perpetrators available if you want to look into it.

Now you see why moaning about the tiny chance of being assaulted by a trans person in a toilet is ridiculous? And definitely not worth making many many people hate themselves more than they already do?

This 🥳🥳
CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:48

Being real now the trans rights movement is completely mental. What rights do they not have?

ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:48

You should all educate yourself.
yup, you copied and pasted that from the Stonewall site
We as ciswomen need to show transwomen love and compassion. It’s really not hard to do either.
and that

do you actually have any thoughts that are your own or
Even this doggerel that pours from my pen,
Has just been written by
Oh, another twenty telepathic men

(RIP Lemmy, stay well Dave )

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 24/07/2020 19:48

You should all educate yourself.

Well, when I were a lass, we only had one paid of shoes between me and me 15 brothers and sisters. I didn't get to school much.

So you see, education was a privilege for you that wasn't available to me.

But, hey: I can just self_ID as a doctor. Let's just hope it's not you that's on the operating table when I'm on duty.

You're an absolute tool @CosSam1

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 24/07/2020 19:50

And what else are us old bitter "karens" supposed to do of an evening anyway?

Fair play. I feel vindicated now Smile