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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel confused and old about transgender issues.

539 replies

confusedandold · 24/07/2020 08:29

I was born in 1976 so 43 years old. During school, I don't recall any children in my school having issues with their gender. There may have been some but none that I was away of. I had no experience of transgender people apart from a vague memory of seeing a man in women clothing walking up the road and being fascinated by it.

Transgender issues have never been at the forefront of my mind. I feel that I'm very accepting of other people's life choices and that people have a right to be happy in their lives whatever that means for them.

Lately, I feel completely confused by transgender issues. It has never been something that I'd given much thought to but I get completely an utterly confused by the terminology. Non-binary, cisgender etc this is all wording that I had never encountered before. Everyone seems to be talking about trans right and gender issues and I don't understand where this has suddenly come from. Is it that more people have issues around their gender? Is it fashionable to be gender-neutral? Is it just that people now feel more comfortable in expressing how they feel inside? Is there greater acceptance? I'm returning to the UK after 10 years abroad and this is a topic that was never really discussed when I left.

I guess I'm asking because I don't want to inadvertently offend anyone by using incorrect terminology. As shocking as this may sound but when I was at school mixed-race people were referred to as 'half-caste', even mixed-race people in my school referred to themselves in this way, now this is a huge no-no. Times change, language changes and it is so easy to offend while having no intention whatsoever of doing so.

OP posts:
Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:16

greyt

Just so I understand exactly where you are coming from, there should be no question of not accepting a fully intact male as a woman only on their say so, and giving them access to female spaces and services?

GreytExpectations · 24/07/2020 19:19

Well I don't assume every man is a pervert nor do I assume every transwomen is a man secretly pretending the gain access to women.

bishopgiggles · 24/07/2020 19:19

I've seen trans right activists calling people out for saying "women and trans women" which is why I'm surprised that people do it despite saying they believe wholeheartedly that trans women are women, no differentiation.

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:22

There is no need to be pedantic, there is a need to be clear, and it was easy to read your statement as saying that none women have a right to women

you have failed to deny the literal interpretation of your words . Why?

OneEpisode · 24/07/2020 19:23

Greyt I don’t think every man is a pervert. I married one and gave birth to another.
Why do you think there are separate female and male spaces? Changing rooms, sports teams, prisons?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 24/07/2020 19:24

GreytExpectations
One of the reasons single sex spaces exist is because it is remarkably difficult to identify predatory males before they do something predatory. Consequently, although only a very small % of men are sexual predators they are all excluded. This is not because all men present a risk but because there is no way of identifying the one’s that do in advance.

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:25

There is no need to be pedantic, there is a need to be clear.

I don't believe every male bodied person is a bad person

I do believe that there is nevertheless sufficient evidence to say that the benefit from separate sex spaces and sport outweighs any cost

Of course, if you do think men have a right TO women, then you would likely say the cost is too high

ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:25

@GreytExpectations
Please define what a man/boy is ?
Just so that when I'm putting a child down for Eton I know what the limits on admission are ...

ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:27

midgebabe
Channel your inner 1970's glam star
do not let the haters define you
I am what I am
as they used to say Smile

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:28

Trans woman are woman. That’s all you need to know :)

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:29

But grey, in what way are transwomen women, and where does that leave me? What am I ? I do not gender identify as woman though my sex is female. Whose team should I play in please? Which toilets should I use? How am I given equal rights in your gender based society?

Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:29

I don't think all men are perverts, and I don't think trans people are perverts.

But perverts and misogynists are taking advantage of trans people and using them as a shield in order to harm women. A lot of women can see it and a lot of trans women can see it too.

Quite why people don't want to acknowledge me is quite the puzzle

midgebabe · 24/07/2020 19:29

Hanoi Rocks!

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:32

Trans woman are getting killed everyday due to this kind of transphobic nonsense. Trans rights are human rights.

Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:32

@CosSam1

Trans woman are getting killed everyday due to this kind of transphobic nonsense. Trans rights are human rights.
Are they?
ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:33

@midgebabe
I get that reference and yes, absolutely
NOBODY puts midgebabe in the corner Wink

Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:33

women are getting killed every day too.

But fuck them, right?

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:34

Trans woman are getting killed everyday due to this kind of transphobic nonsense.
Link please

TeenPlusTwenties · 24/07/2020 19:35

Trans woman are getting killed everyday due to this kind of transphobic nonsense.

No they aren't.

Trans rights are human rights.

Absolutely. And trans people have the same sex based rights everyone else has, and have protection in employment etc.
If they have had gender reassignment they have extra protections.

Aine82 · 24/07/2020 19:36

@CosSam1

TERF. Trans woman are valid and they need and deserve our support.
Good debate there 😆
Aine82 · 24/07/2020 19:37

@CosSam1

Trans woman are woman. That’s all you need to know :)
*if you don’t believe in science.
Pertella · 24/07/2020 19:37

Oh noes, I've been called a TERF Hmm

CosSam1 · 24/07/2020 19:38

You boomer Karens will never get it. Thankfully my generation is kinder than yours.

ListeningQuietly · 24/07/2020 19:39

@CosSam1
What is a man?
How do male only schools and clubs define male ?

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