AIBU to be upset and annoyed by voicemail

[YaWeeShit]

I am currently furloughed but been in work for the past couple of weeks to prepare for re-opening - not a problem at all, I am happy to volunteer.

My employer rang me today and left a voicemail - then didn’t hang up correctly so I could hear her criticising me to a colleague. I am mortified, and feel incredibly angry that the texts I’ve had thanking me for helping clearly don’t mean a thing. I struggle with mental health issues and this has really tipped me over the edge.

So. As I’m not sure if I’m over reacting due to my anxiety, I’m braving AIBU - which granted may backfire spectacularly but I surely can’t feel worse than I do now

In this thread (posted last month) you said you are a full-time carer for your daughter and haven't worked for 20 years and asked about how to return to paid employment.

Plus you said someone's suggestion of volunteering was good (i.e. you weren't currently/recently doing it). So how have you been working there for a year, and volunteering for 2 years before that?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/going_back_to_work/3936004-Is-late-40s-too-late-to-have-a-5-year-plan

Really horrid but actually extremely common - it's just that people usually aren't caught out when bitching behind a colleague's back.

Resign and ACAS -constructive dismissal.

This is terrible advice, please ignore it OP! *
*
I agree !

I am a full time Carer - I haven’t worked full time for 20 years. This job is only 8 hours a week, It was supposed to help my mental health by not being so isolated as a Carer.

YANBU to be upset and annoyed.

What you do about it is all down to whether you want to tackle the issue or not. If you cannot even repeat what was said on an anonymous forum, then I suspect your best bet is to find another job.

Sorry this happened to you

I appreciate everyone’s replies and thoughts. Jaded I’ve typed out your email thank you, just need to press send now.

For those saying leave, I know it’s only 8 hours but it’s a bit tricky as (hopefully this isn’t too outing...) my daughter, who I care for, attends this organisation - which is why I kind of fell into volunteering/working there. If I leave then she can’t attend, and she loves it.

All the more reasonable to make sure they treat you with respect op. You're not just an employee, you're a service user too. So they're disparaging their client as well as a dedicated employee.

Take courage from knowing that mumsnet is behind you and send that email.

Send her voicemail message directly back to her voicemail.

If they have the guts to mention anything to you about it you always mention that you must have clearly received the message by mistake as the comments were not meant to be for you, so you were just politely letting them know about it.

Says more about them than you. You are the better person op

Great email by Jaded. I'd also report them for furlough fraud - they know exactly what they are doing in suggesting people "volunteer" to help them reopen. The rules are very strict but also clearly so - they're not allowed to do that. I appreciate you might be reluctant to report if you think it might make things worse in your role but do you see a long term future at a company and boss that act as they have done?

Who says your daughter can't attend the organisation if you don't work or volunteer there? Surely they wouldn't discriminate against her would they? They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for their behaviour during furlough and this phone call.

I would call her and repeat what she said and say I'm sorry you feel this way. But I am actually doing my job so I think your chat with X is unfounded. X
Let her know you know what she said. X

If you won’t tell us what was said then it’s impossible to give an opinion. This may not have even been about you. No. If OP heard her boss say anything of a personal nature about her or her work with a colleague then her boss has been unprofessional, at the least! That OP is a carer makes it worse, such a close relationship needs an element of trust, which that message has destroyed.

Jaded's amended email is a good on. I'd send it and wait...

Press send OP!

Send it OP!

So they're claiming money from the government to pay you and are still expecting you to work...hmm.

I agree send the email. x Hope you are ok. She sounds rude.

People can be horrid.

So Sorry that happened.

It's hurtful. Very.

If it were me, I'd play it cool, let them know nothing, slowly pull back, stop volunteering, resign from your post - make an excuse and leave. This would allow your daughter to remain attending with the least drama.

But that's just me. X

@SlightlyJaded

I am a bit of a coward in situations like this, but I couldn't just 'carry on' having heard it. I would email. Something along the lines of:

Dear XXX

Thanks for the email that you left yesterday. I'm sure you aren't aware but you left the recording running whilst you continued your conversation. I could clearly hear quite a few derogatory comments which obviously upset me, but also surprised me as you have been complimentary about my work over the past few months.

I am attaching a copy of the recording in case you need to refresh your memory. I obviously can't help how you feel about me personally, but if you'd like to discuss my shortcomings in a professional capacity, perhaps we could put a meeting in the diary?

Kind regards
OP.

Great email here from SlightlyJaded! Not sure if I’d attach the recording, but otherwise wording is perfect.

Press send op! You will feel better having said something

How two faced of her! Please send the email.

Please send!

So sorry you had to hear a horrible voicemail.

Some people will talk about people incessantly (whether or not there is anything to even talk about, they always manage to find something!). In years to come and when it's all in the open and dust has settled, I dare say that you'll be glad it happened, and will sleep better knowing that this person would have felt deep shame and embarrassment.... and will hopefully be a better person in the future! Although that's not guaranteed... 🙄

That is very upsetting.
Please don't beat yourself up for feeling very hurt and embarrassed.

I think sending @SlightlyJaded's email is the right thing to do.

The should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Wishing you the best.

Ugh. No advice on whether to drag that shit into the sunlight or keep your powder dry and plan your exit strategy long term, but just sympathy. I have only ever overheard people talking nastily about me once- teenagers in school over 25 years ago, and not known queen bee mean girls but a couple that I thought were OK and one that I actually liked who I had thought was really nice- and I still remember sitting deathly still out of sight, shaking and trying not to cry for about half an hour after they left. Of course I fantasised about having done the alternative scenario of leaping out from behind the wall, confronting them firmly and sweeping off with a flourish, but I didn't say anything (thankfully they were in a different year group and not close friends).

Remember it's them not you. Also sounds hideously unprofessional workplace.

At least you know now what she really thinks.

Next time she tries to simper around you and get you to do extra work for free by saying "what a great job you're doing!", you won't have to feel guilty when you tell her its sadly not possible.

Sorry this has happened to you Jaded’s email sounds like a good approach. Let us know how you get on

Also, totally understandable this hearing this could knock you for six, especially when you’d already been out of sorts due to lock down. I hope you get somewhere with the GP.