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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset and annoyed by voicemail

100 replies

YaWeeShit · 23/07/2020 20:20

I am currently furloughed but been in work for the past couple of weeks to prepare for re-opening - not a problem at all, I am happy to volunteer.

My employer rang me today and left a voicemail - then didn’t hang up correctly so I could hear her criticising me to a colleague. I am mortified, and feel incredibly angry that the texts I’ve had thanking me for helping clearly don’t mean a thing. I struggle with mental health issues and this has really tipped me over the edge.

So. As I’m not sure if I’m over reacting due to my anxiety, I’m braving AIBU - which granted may backfire spectacularly but I surely can’t feel worse than I do now Sad

OP posts:
Trinketsfor20 · 23/07/2020 22:12

Leave the voicemail. Volunteering for them whilst the government pays the company to furlough you is them getting free work done. NOT ok

Coronabegone · 23/07/2020 22:26

How awful, how awful for you!

ThanksThanks for you

Coronabegone · 23/07/2020 22:28

Brilliant @SlightlyJaded !

mcmooberry · 23/07/2020 22:35

That really is a horrible thing to happen so you are definitely NBU. Whatever she said she might not have even meant, maybe the dynamic between her and the colleague is that they are always moaning about people.
Agree she needs to know what she has done though. Even if you have already replied to the message you could reply again having listened to the whole thing.
Hope you feel better soon, I know today is a write off but it really does say more about them than you. X

gavisconismyfriend · 23/07/2020 22:41

I think I’d be inclined to keep my powder dry for now, try and plan an exit strategy and get a new job - even if it takes a while. Then, on handing in my notice, I’d play the voicemail publicly in the office and explain to everyone that’s why I’m leaving. Make sure you save the voicemail somewhere safe - as a sound file on your computer perhaps - as many voicemail systems automatically delete them after a period of time.

mynameisigglepiggle · 23/07/2020 22:51

Something similar happened to me a while ago. Manager sent me an email without reading down the email chain when comments had been made about me and my ability to do a certain task. I hadn't long been back from sick leave for stress as well.
It's an awful feeling but if you don't confront it then it will just fester.
I emailed both managers and told them how I felt, how unprofessional it was and if they had an issue they should have come and spoken to me about it.
They were both apologetic and contrite but their cards are marked as far as I'm concerned.

Just remember just because it is something your manager thinks or has said doesn't mean it's true!!!

Shizzlestix · 23/07/2020 22:55

Stop volunteering immediately.. If anything is said, just repeat what bitchy boss said as in ‘Well, I can’t, I’m afraid, because (whatever cow person said)’. Then you’re not confronting her but you’re letting her know you heard, or if you’re up for it, you can say ‘You didn’t hang up after our call last week. I heard your comments, so I will not be volunteering given your opinion of me”.

RootDeToot · 23/07/2020 22:56

They aren’t supposed to contact you at all when you are on furlough. My dh has a man in his 20s who has just started working for him who,is from Lithuania and he hasn’t been here long so doesn’t know anyone and now he’s furloughed and dh has been told by HR he can’t even call and see if he’s doing OK.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You’ve done nothing wrong and you shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. It’s not your fault.

jessstan2 · 23/07/2020 22:58

Your employer was very unprofessional to speak about you to a colleague. In your position I would speak to him or her about it and ask for an explanation. If you need telling about anything, it is you who should be told, not somebody else. Make that clear. Then carry on as normal. We're all human.
Wine

Chocoholic12 · 23/07/2020 23:02

YANBU OP. How cruel.

Paperthin · 23/07/2020 23:03

@RootDeToot

They aren’t supposed to contact you at all when you are on furlough. My dh has a man in his 20s who has just started working for him who,is from Lithuania and he hasn’t been here long so doesn’t know anyone and now he’s furloughed and dh has been told by HR he can’t even call and see if he’s doing OK.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You’ve done nothing wrong and you shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. It’s not your fault.

@RootDeToot - that’s just not true at all, of course you can speak to people. What an awful thing to do to someone who is new, in another country, doesn’t know anyone, just terrible. I would be calling him and telling HR I would be acting like a human being.
Newschapter · 23/07/2020 23:10

@RootDeToot

They aren’t supposed to contact you at all when you are on furlough. My dh has a man in his 20s who has just started working for him who,is from Lithuania and he hasn’t been here long so doesn’t know anyone and now he’s furloughed and dh has been told by HR he can’t even call and see if he’s doing OK.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You’ve done nothing wrong and you shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. It’s not your fault.

I think your dh needs to double check that.

Dh was furloughed and his line manager as well as his company director was in touch with them regularly, even if it was just to say "we know nothing more but wanted to check in" he was off ten weeks.

Meanwhile I've been off since march and can't even get a bloody reply from HR when I emailed with a holiday query.

Op that emailed composed by Jaded is excellent. I hope it all works out for you.

Chickychickydodah · 23/07/2020 23:17

I would ask to have a meeting with her and her husband and play it back to them then let her squirm

Cociabutter · 23/07/2020 23:18

SlightlyJaded

That's brilliant

IdblowJonSnow · 23/07/2020 23:28

I wouldn't be suggesting a meeting but I would let them know you heard their comments and you wont be volunteering anymore. Put it in writing rather than call as that will shit them up a bit more.
I'd also be tempted to report them but I guess that depends whether you want to continue there or not.
I would add that my last boss was a vile, toxic sociopath who was two faced and unkind about absolutely everyone so I really wouldn't take their comments to heart.
Things like this happen to most of us at some point. Hope you feel a bit better in a day or two.
Would like to be a fly on the wall when they find out you know. Hope they are mortified, as they should be.

SlightlyJaded · 23/07/2020 23:35

Yikes, I meant to say 'thanks for the voicemail' not email. And too many 'obviously's'

Amended version would be:

Dear XXX

Thanks for the voicemail that you left yesterday. I'm sure you weren't aware, but you left the recording running whilst you continued your conversation. I could clearly hear quite a few derogatory comments which have upset me, but also came as a surprise, as you have been complimentary about my work over the past few months

I am attaching a copy of the recording in case you need to refresh your memory.

I obviously can't help how you feel about me personally, but if you'd like to discuss my shortcomings in a professional capacity, perhaps we could put a meeting in the diary?

Kind regards
OP.

backseatcookers · 23/07/2020 23:43

@RootDeToot

They aren’t supposed to contact you at all when you are on furlough. My dh has a man in his 20s who has just started working for him who,is from Lithuania and he hasn’t been here long so doesn’t know anyone and now he’s furloughed and dh has been told by HR he can’t even call and see if he’s doing OK.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You’ve done nothing wrong and you shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. It’s not your fault.

This is not correct. You cannot request that people do work while they are actively on furlough. You can absolutely contact them to see how they're doing or discuss what options are likely to be available next, so they can prepare.
MiserySand · 23/07/2020 23:55

If you can't say what she said, can you tell us what she sounded like - pissed off, sad, mocking? This would make me really upset OP, and I'm sure I'd give advice about politely bringing it up but in reality I know I couldn't face it and would just be miserable. Don't do any passive-aggressive mind games though.

Sistery · 24/07/2020 00:05

No advice but I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it must have felt really horrible to hear that.

mamansnet · 24/07/2020 00:08

Jaded, could I add a word to your excellent email to make it 'my apparent shortcomings'? Otherwise it may sound like OP agrees she has some!

OP, they're a bunch of shits and you deserve to work somewhere where you're truly appreciated. I completely understand how you feel in that it's hard to face them and deal with the fallout (I previously left a job when colleagues drove me to a burnout and I couldn't be near them, never mind stand up for myself) but you don't have to put up with this.

Do not do any volunteering for people who appear to think so little of you. You're worth FAR more than that.

Viviennemary · 24/07/2020 00:21

Of course she was out of order. If it was me I'd say nothing, pretend it didn't happen and look for another job. And stop volunteering. It's not allowed anyway.

EL8888 · 24/07/2020 00:22

I would open a grievance against her

SlightlyJaded · 24/07/2020 00:48

@mamansnet

Jaded, could I add a word to your excellent email to make it 'my apparent shortcomings'? Otherwise it may sound like OP agrees she has some!

OP, they're a bunch of shits and you deserve to work somewhere where you're truly appreciated. I completely understand how you feel in that it's hard to face them and deal with the fallout (I previously left a job when colleagues drove me to a burnout and I couldn't be near them, never mind stand up for myself) but you don't have to put up with this.

Do not do any volunteering for people who appear to think so little of you. You're worth FAR more than that.

Oh yes, much better! Definitely improved by addition of 'apparent'.

OP. Honestly, I am a complete wuss but I would definitely email. You can hold your head high.

Griselda1 · 24/07/2020 00:49

So sorry you have to deal with this. Your priority has to be your own mental health rather than planning revenge. Please let her know that you've heard what she said, leave it hanging in the air if necessary or until you feel stronger.

19lottie82 · 24/07/2020 01:17

Resign and ACAS -constructive dismissal.

This is terrible advise, please ignore it OP!

Firstly only around 5% of constructive dismissal cases are found in the employees favour, they are notoriously hard to win. Secondly, given this I really can’t see the basis of a successful case being a singular incident of hearing someone slagging your off, when you weren’t even meant to hear it in the first place!