To be really annoyed with MIL?!

[MrsWarleggan]

MIL called today. Asked how I was. TBF she called on the worst day.

1 year old post MMR. Not sleeping, not eating, runny nose, whinging, grumpy, clingy.

5 year old. Bored. Stropping. Shouting. Wants to play whilst I'm trying to work.
Broke outdoor tap. No running water.

Me. Trying to deal with above. Frantically cleaning house before landlord comes (he's a plumber). Trying to work from home. Not washed dressed or even brushed my teeth at the moment.

DH. At work.

MIL: "Oh dear. Well we haven't had a good couple of days. FIL hasn't been feeling great the last couple of weeks with feeling dizzy and last Friday was on the phone to SIL and his speech went all funny. He's feeling better now though but his arm went funny during the night. Dr thinks he's had some TIA's so he has been referred so should hear in a couple of weeks. I'm so worried.. Oh we haven't told DH as we don't want him to worry or stress about it."

Seriously?? You don't want HIM, the delicate butterfly of a 42 year old man to worry about it. Him, who is at work with not a care in the frigging world, yet you are quite happy to dump it all on me when you know full bloody well that today I am at breaking point??

And WHY did you not call a sodding ambulance last night when his arm went??

I care deeply about my MIL and FIL, but honestly... Am I right to be proper annoyed right now??

I think you're niggly because you're tired so I'll let you off but......YAB a little U. She doesn't know you're at breaking point and you're not, not really. Taps can be fixed, your baby will feel better and one day ( along way off lol) your 5 year old will be older and less annoying.

Don't sweat the small stuff OP, deep breaths.

I think you misinterpreted the 'we font want to worry him'. Its not about protecting your OH from the stress of the situation but from the worry that his dad could have something serious.

I expect you wouldn't half as upset if your fil was seriously ill would your oh?

Whilst coping with whinging, stroppy kids and having a broken tap is a pain in the arse, having a series of mini strokes that could literally kill her husband is a little different don't you think?

That's generally the sort of thing that tends to make people put their own problems into perspective, not make them angry.

@dontdisturbmenow

I would be extremely upset! But I'm now absolutely bricking it. My family have a history of TIA's and know what they can eventually do. I'm just very stressed today and this has just added to it. Can't concentrate.

Yanbu she can ring her son and drop it on him instead of calling you so you can do it

Sounds like she mistakenly thought she could rely on you for emotional support as a member of her family. Make it clearer next time that you couldn't possibly entertain hearing about your father-in-laws possibly life threatening illnesses until you've brushed your teeth.

Acting as Devil's advocate here, but mightn't the news about his father be better delivered in person by @MrsWarleggan, when her dh comes home rather than over the phone when he's at work?

Sorry, but your FIL's health issues are a bit more important than some minor annoyances that you've got at home at the moment.
I'd say it sounds like your MIL was brushing it off for her own sake, she probably doesn't want to admit that it could be serious.
At the end of the day, the other stuff just doesn't matter. You sound resentful of your husband going to work, if you've got a problem talk to him! Say that your struggling. But leave it until he knows his dad will be okay...

@PolPotNoodle

Of course she can rely on me for emotional support, what a ridiculous thing to insinuate, and I care and love my FIL very very much, but DH should have a right to know, but now it's on my shoulders as to whether it's right or not to tell him.

I think you’re stressed and upset and harassed.

Let it go. Your MIL is clearly very worried. You’ve got a shitload going on right now. Just get through the day as best you can, dump the kids on DH when he gets home tonight, take a long shower, and talk to him about his dad when the children are in bed.

MIL hasn’t done anything wrong, but you’ve got a lot on today.

I find it odd that your response is just pure annoyance rather than concern.

Not everything is about you.

@loutypips

Yes I probably an resentful.

Bloody hell. YABVVU. Your MIL probably wanted some moral support over something serious. If my MIL phoned and told me that about FIL, all of my worries would fly out the window. You just whinge and feel she's dumping it on you. That's quite heartless.

I would have been apologising and saying that she shouldn't have let me go on about my trivial issues when she must be so worried.

You need to get some perspective. If your DH isn't helping out enough at home then address that with him. Sit and sort out a fair sharing of tasks between you.

If you cannot cope then maybe ask if you can take some annual leave to recharge your batteries.

Iv read this as op having to manage the emotional labour of dealing with mil and fil because obviously she has plenty of capacity left Unlike dh who a) has a penis and b) a job therefore far too busy.

Not that op doesn’t care, more mils manner towards her.

You’re plate is already full and now you have additional worry op. Yanbu to feel overwhelmed by it all and annoyed by the insinuation that your dh needs to be protected.

@Nicknacky

Hello again.... Please read updated posts. I'm am extremely concerned, but combined with everything else and not telling DH to protect him and not stress him out has annoyed me, yes. He goes to work and comes home.

Sorry OP, a bit more compassion wouldnt go amiss

You’re pissed off that your FIL has had a stroke and your MIL told you before your husband? Don’t make this about you.

I’ve read your updated posts. It doesn’t change anything.

@MrsWarleggan well then tell your husband about it if you feel that strongly. Or give her the time to do it herself while also supporting her in doing it. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to tell your child that their father is potentially seriously ill, so again I think you should actually be of some support to her rather than getting the arsehole that she chose to confide in you first and it wasn't convenient for you.

Especially as she called on “the worst day”. It’s not the best day for your MIL either.

There seems to be this insinuation that I couldn't give a shit about my in laws and that I told her to piss off when she told me!!

I didn't... We had a long chat and I told her that if anything happens again she should call 999. FIL is stubborn!

@shemadeit. I am not pissed off at the fact he has had a stroke FFS!!!!!

She doesn't know you're having the worst day. And she has far more reason to be beside herself that you have.
Did you expect her to wait to reach her own breaking point at a time that suited you?

Iv read this as op having to manage the emotional labour of dealing with mil and fil because obviously she has plenty of capacity left Unlike dh who a) has a penis and b) a job therefore far too busy.

Agree. It's just bad timing that your MIL came over with that info when you were really stressed. Frankly, in your shoes, I'd tell DH when he gets home. I hope FIL recovers well.

Both you and your MIL are having a stressful day. Both of you have valid concerns and neither is more important than the other.

I think it’s nice she is coming to you for some support but it was unfortunate timing today and you had other things to deal with.

You obviously care about your FIL but at the moment you’ve got fussy children, no water, a plumber on his way and you’re trying to work.
There’s only so much a person can deal with at one time, it doesn’t mean you don’t care.

I would tell your DH, he deserves to know and he can ring his mum and they can support each other.

I think having to tell her son makes it real in a way that it's not real telling you. She's protecting herself a little bit she is clearly frightened.