To be really annoyed with MIL?!

[MrsWarleggan]

MIL called today. Asked how I was. TBF she called on the worst day.

1 year old post MMR. Not sleeping, not eating, runny nose, whinging, grumpy, clingy.

5 year old. Bored. Stropping. Shouting. Wants to play whilst I'm trying to work.
Broke outdoor tap. No running water.

Me. Trying to deal with above. Frantically cleaning house before landlord comes (he's a plumber). Trying to work from home. Not washed dressed or even brushed my teeth at the moment.

DH. At work.

MIL: "Oh dear. Well we haven't had a good couple of days. FIL hasn't been feeling great the last couple of weeks with feeling dizzy and last Friday was on the phone to SIL and his speech went all funny. He's feeling better now though but his arm went funny during the night. Dr thinks he's had some TIA's so he has been referred so should hear in a couple of weeks. I'm so worried.. Oh we haven't told DH as we don't want him to worry or stress about it."

Seriously?? You don't want HIM, the delicate butterfly of a 42 year old man to worry about it. Him, who is at work with not a care in the frigging world, yet you are quite happy to dump it all on me when you know full bloody well that today I am at breaking point??

And WHY did you not call a sodding ambulance last night when his arm went??

I care deeply about my MIL and FIL, but honestly... Am I right to be proper annoyed right now??

countrygirl99 Yes, I agree. My MIL died a few weeks ago and I saw the end was coming but none of her offspring did. They wanted to ignore the clear signs that the end was coming but with me being more detached I could see them. It’s difficult.

YANBU.

Your MIL wants you to sort out your FIL whilst juggling a baby, a small child, and work. She clearly doesn't want to bother your DH with it (because he's male and working) or her DD (who would probably tell her to woman up) or even her DH (because she'd have to give him a good dose of reality). No, it's easier to come to you, because she thinks you're not really working anyway, because your job is probably just using a computer or something, and she thinks that really you are just playing with the children all day and drinking coffee whilst doing the odd bit of typing.

In this situation I'd be saying to my DH, 'Your mum's here, she's in a state, your dad's not well, I'm trying to juggle the kids and work, can you come and sort her out please and ring your sister on the way and tell her what's happening too.'

You have my full sympathy OP!

Your post is entirely about your day and how selfish MIL is to tell you this. Then you are surprised that people think you are uncaring.

Then those people seem to be forgetting one important point. It's the OP's DH who is MiL's child.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that this should necessarily divest her of any sense of responsibility for her DH's family; that's dependent on their relationship. It's as far as DH is concerned that it should be automatic, unless there is a very good reason otherwise.

Frustrating how even Mumsnetters seem to have internalised the message that Wife Work is a woman's lot.

It isn't.

YANBU OP you and your husband are both at work today, your MIL should be calling him. I’m not surprised you feel overwhelmed already trying to juggle work and childcare, let alone hearing worrying news on top of that. Can you set some boundaries with your MIL about when you can be contacted? I have told both my MIL and DM that I generally can’t respond to messages/calls during the working day. I think because neither is working any more they forget how busy it can be.

@DotForShort Do you have children?
Even if you don’t, we all have days where everything goes wrong and pushes us to breaking point. It doesn’t have to be rational.
Maybe you need to have some compassion.

I agree she should be ringing her son