Is my boyfriend too skinny?

[GraceCes]

My boyfriend is 6’1 and 10 1/2 stone. He has a 28” waist. He is a cyclist and a runner. He works 12-hour shifts. He rarely ever drinks alcohol and drinks healthy juice and a lot of water and eats healthy food.

I don’t often seen guys who are around the same height as he is who are as slim as he is. He doesn’t look anorexic and looks very much like a stereotypical professional cyclist, but I think he should be at least 13 stone for his height, surely.

I know that it’s wrong to compare your current partner to an ex, but my ex-boyfriend is 6ft and he’s about 15-16 stone. Even when I compare (urgh, I feel bad doing it) my boyfriend to my male friends and my girl friends’s partners, he is by far the slimmest and athletic looking. Heck, he’s even lighter than most of my girl friends, lol.

I know that one’s BMI is not the most accurate thing to go by, but his BMI is on the lower side for his age and height.

I think a lot of my thoughts come from envy because I’m not exactly skinny.

It is quite light for a man that tall but it's clearly because of his lifestyle

I have a Male friend who took up cycling and he’s about the same height and weight, for me it’s deeply unattractive a man being so thin, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be heavier.

Just like a over weight person doesn’t need to be slimmer.

You need to decide if it’s an issue for you.

Its surely his lifestyle. I genuinely cant see the issue at all, you would prefer him to be heavier, because you dont like the way he looks now or? Think its also a bit mean to compare - are you happy with him? He sounds like he eats and lives well.

He sounds really healthy ! I’m a bit meatier and I have to say I feel like an elephant with really slim men
They are great , it’s just in my head

What are you worried about? His health or his appearance?

I think you need to articulate the issue op,

Is it you don’t find him physically attractive so thin?

My DH is 5'7" and around 9.5 stones, similarly active and prefers to eat healthy though indulges more at the weekend e.g. meal out etc. He's been as low as 8st 12 but was very thin then, though muscular because of playing sports. Personally I prefer it to someone overweight, though obviously their choice. He sounds healthy to me, but then I know a lot of runners who are similarly slim

He’s very slim but there’s nothing wrong with him, that’s just how he is. You can’t expect him to change - you have to decide if you feel attracted to him as he is. There’s nothing wrong with not fancying slim men if that’s how you feel.

My DP is the same height and weight. He’s one of those annoying people who eats loads but doesn’t even get bloated. He’s quite active too and spends hours gardening at the weekends and going for long walks.
I would prefer him to gain another stone but I’m sure he would prefer me to lose a stone if we both had our own way.
He’s still very handsome but his BMI is only about 18 so he doesn’t want to be any lighter than he already is. His 30 waist jeans fall right down unless he has a tight belt on.

Some people just weigh less

I'm small, but relatively well built and only weigh 50-52kg. My partner is exactly the same height and her clothes are about the same size as mine but she weighs 10% more

Male friends of a similar height and build weigh anything up to 70kg. They look heavier than me but nowhere near that difference

Dunno what the difference is really, we joke I have hollow bones

He sounds athletic rather than skinny. Are either of you worried about his health?

My DH is also a cyclist (used to be a climber). He's 5 10 and about 10 stone maybe 10.5 stones. He's always been this size - we've been together for over 30 years. He has an active, ohysical job and also trains for his sport. He does steal my chocolate though - but it doesn't make him any fatter

I think it comes down to the fact that I’m a size 12, but I feel fat and when I’m walking in public with him all sorts of things go through my head e.g. “What is such a slim guy like him doing with a woman who is heavier than he is?” Etc. It’s more to do with my own doubts about my own appearance more than anything because I used to be a size 8. It probably comes across as really selfish, but I can’t help it. Whereas when I was with my ex, because he was a lot bigger I never felt insecure. Also, I’m not saying that skinny guys aren’t really guys, but I always associate guys with muscles, broad shoulders, strong, and so forth.

My father is 6ft and he’s about 12 stone. My two brothers are about 6ft and they are both about 14 stone, etc.

On a weekend he would rather go out on his bike for hours and hours than spend time with me. Instead of staying in bed until about 7, he is up at about 5 and goes for a run with his dogs. He gets really agitated if the weather is bad and uses his indoor trainer in the garage and won’t stop until he’s pouring of sweat.

Instead of having a takeaway together, he refuses to have any junk food so there have been times when I’ve had a pizza or so kebab and he’s had a salad or something similar. He’s a fantastic cook and cooks plenty of nice meals, but would it really be that bad for him to have a little treat once in a blue moon?

I probably sound horrible, but it’s like his appearance and weight mean so much to him that he doesn’t even treat himself every now and then.

He’s got a heart of gold and is a lovely person, but I just can’t help but feel like we live two separate lifestyles.

I would rather watch TV, he would rather read his book.

I would rather go for a few pints and watch the football, he would rather go out on his bike for four hours.

I would rather have an early night and have a takeaway and watch a film on a Friday night, he would rather go out on his bike, come home and go in the shower and then read his book.

I live with him and he has the house all planned out - a snooker table, a fitness room, a study, etc.

Or a kebab*

My husband is tall and slim. 6ft 1 and about 10.5 stone, he weighted less when we got together but im a bit of a feeder! He was climbing 3 x a week before lockdown and has a semi active job ( paramedic ) but can eat whatever he likes without putting any weight on. Bar being a slightly chubby toddler, he's always been this way and if i look at FIL, he's the same too.

I probably sound horrible

It just sounds like you want different things

Ah just seen you latest post. It does sound like he's somewhat obsessive about his weight and exercise which I appreciate is hard!

Sounds like you two are just going in different directions maybe?

He sounds admirably active and healthy. Do you share the same lifestyle? It sounds like you perhaps don’t find it attractive (comparison to ex) and aren't willing to admit that.

You sound very different. DP and I are like that too (he wants to be doing gardening all day long when it’s a sunny day whereas I’d rather we go for a walk and the pub together. He would rather play a video game and I would rather watch TV. He hates reading whereas I love it etc). It used to annoy me a bit but we’ve learnt to just give each other the space to do the things we each enjoy, and we’ll both compromise sometimes and do what the other wants to do (I’ll sometimes help him in the garden or he’ll sometimes come for a walk with me and we’ll watch a film after).
Your DP does sound quite restrictive if he’s exercising to the max and then wanting to eat a salad instead of a pizza as a weekend treat. It’s good to be so fit and healthy but he should loosen the slack now and again to enjoy things like a takeaway with you.
Can you speak to him about how you feel he never wants to spend quality time with you? Maybe he could compromise and half a day at the weekend that’s completely devoted to spending time with you doing something you would enjoy.

You are different people. That's that.

It looks like you are aware you are projecting your own issues onto his weight and that's a good thing. Start working your own self esteem.

My DH is 6'7" and the exact same. It is the body type you get if tall and cycling/running. Look up the ecto/endo morph body type, and he is 100% typical. Broadish shoulders and ribs showing with big hamstrings. He is perfectly healthy. It is hard as a partner though not to be as skinny when he eats really well. That may be where your concern stems from.

I do know what you mean about the comparative body type issue - my DP is now very slim (due to health problems, sadly) whereas I've put weight on, and while I have no problem with how he looks it does make me feel like a heffer sometimes (being almost 9 months pregnant doesn't help 😂).

The rest of it though.. It sounds like you want different things from life so maybe try to think of that as a separate issue.

There are plenty of women who obsess about their weight and appearance. He sounds very fit , I do t think he is underweight.

You just aren't that into him.