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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my boyfriend too skinny?

118 replies

GraceCes · 23/07/2020 12:10

My boyfriend is 6’1 and 10 1/2 stone. He has a 28” waist. He is a cyclist and a runner. He works 12-hour shifts. He rarely ever drinks alcohol and drinks healthy juice and a lot of water and eats healthy food.

I don’t often seen guys who are around the same height as he is who are as slim as he is. He doesn’t look anorexic and looks very much like a stereotypical professional cyclist, but I think he should be at least 13 stone for his height, surely.

I know that it’s wrong to compare your current partner to an ex, but my ex-boyfriend is 6ft and he’s about 15-16 stone. Even when I compare (urgh, I feel bad doing it) my boyfriend to my male friends and my girl friends’s partners, he is by far the slimmest and athletic looking. Heck, he’s even lighter than most of my girl friends, lol.

I know that one’s BMI is not the most accurate thing to go by, but his BMI is on the lower side for his age and height.

I think a lot of my thoughts come from envy because I’m not exactly skinny. Grin

OP posts:
Hublott · 23/07/2020 14:04

Do you guys plan to have child/ren in the future? What will happen if you have one?.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 23/07/2020 14:05

I don't think he would see having an unnecessary kebab is a "treat", this is about your relationship to food/your body, not his.
I think you have to be at one with the cycling, I think it is unfair/unlikely to stop.
His weight sounds fine and I wouldn't be put off by his weight. I would be a bit put off if his weight was 16 stone.

lilgreen · 23/07/2020 14:05

You sound so different, how did you get together? Why be with him?

thecatsthecats · 23/07/2020 14:06

This is way, WAY more about you than about him.

I mean, how come you know all your male relative's weights? I know that some are bigger/smaller than others, but I couldn't put a weight to them,

If you eat predominantly healthy food, you tend to enjoy it and actively dislike the greasy/stodgy taste of poor quality takeaway. I'm especially averse to the lack of vegetables you get in takeaway food. I ENJOY and feel treated by a really delicious healthy meal with quality ingredients.

Syrrup · 23/07/2020 14:09

My boyfriend is about the same height and weight as yours, although mine certainly eats more junk. He's trying to add more weight through diet and working out but it doesn't come very naturally for him! He also likes cycling and other cardio exercise which tends to keep his weight down. I on the other hand pack muscle on very quickly and prefer higher intensity exercise, so not only do I weigh more than him (at 5'9) but I feel like a right beefcake! When I had the same BMI as him I had people asking me if I was OK Grin

Cycling for hours every day would drive me nuts mind. We have a playstation which has nearly met a grizzly end a few times, but at least I can contact him when he's on it and he's willing to join me to go climbing or whatever if I can think of something interesting enough. When you work different shifts it's already hard enough sometimes to spend time together, you don't need to feel like the second choice.

79andnotout · 23/07/2020 14:15

My boyfriend is 6 foot and 9.5 stone. He's usually 10 stone but he's lost half a stone in lockdown (how, I don't know, as he eats twice what I eat and he doesn't exercise and I've gained weight). My dad has been telling him for years that he will get fat one day with all the food he eats (as my dad was skinny then got a pot belly after age 30) but he's now 35 and still skinny so I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon.

I don't really have a physical preference for body type, he can be as thin as he wants as long as he's healthy, although I do wish he'd do more exercise (or any) just for the mind and body.

IveSeenThings · 23/07/2020 14:15

All the cyclists I've ever known are extremely lean, and many sportspeople just don't eat junk because they're more aware of what they put into their bodies and how to use it efficiently.

DH is 6'2" and had a 28" waist when we got together 25 years ago. He's a 30" since we had children, but life has become more sedentary, so it's not surprising. He's not overweight, but has a little more padding on his bones. If he was 13st he'd probably feel a bit tubby, tbh, he's just very lean from a family of very lean people.
You do sound as though the pair of you have no common interests though, so I'm surprised you've lasted several years.
A word of caution- if you decide to have children together, he won't change, you'll be left at home holding the baby while he's out cycling every weekend. Cyclists are addicts, they can't stop.
There are dozens of threads on MN about women wanting their husbands to spend less time on their hobby (that is too outing, but it's always cycling!).
IME cyclists can't change. They don't want to.

AnneOfQueenSables · 23/07/2020 14:18

It's not really about his weight. It's about having different interests. Fwiw both myself and my best friend weigh more than our DHs. It's not that uncommon and I don't think anyone else cares.
Has someone else caught your eye OP? Because it doesn't sound like your DP hasn't changed but suddenly you're looking for reasons to be unhappy with him.

AnneOfQueenSables · 23/07/2020 14:18

Because it doesn't sound like your DP has changed - stupid auto-correct.

Sidge · 23/07/2020 14:19

He could be orthorexic.

However I think this is more about your relationship than about his weight. You’re obviously unhappy with your weight and appearance and his weight and fitness highlight that.

Also he comes in from work and goes straight out on his bike for a few hours? What about dinner, spending time together, chatting?

I don’t believe partners have to be joined at the hip or share all the same interests but you two seem poles apart. What binds you together if you have different hobbies, different interests, different meals and spend so little time together?

verypeckish · 23/07/2020 14:19

Some people are naturally very slim. My dh is 5'11" and weighs less than 9st. He eats like a horse and is fit and healthy. He's always been that way and has a small frame. His wrists are so small he has to buy boys' wristwatches and he only has size 7 feet.

I wouldn't be at all concerned OP.

People do have very different physiques - look at the difference between Mo Farah and Usain Bolt.

AWryGiraffe · 23/07/2020 14:21

Cyclists are obsessive!

formerbabe · 23/07/2020 14:26

I have actually heard larger women saying ‘ooh I couldn’t be with a slim man, I’d snap him!’ but can you imagine a man saying something similar about a woman’s weight

It's perfectly reasonable that both men and women have physical preferences when it comes to finding a partner. I do not find very skinny men attractive...I'd rather a man be overweight than underweight. That's just me. Looking on this thread, lots of women feel differently to me which is fine too. Men have different preferences as well. Such is life. Sounds like ops partner is actually not her type.

Raimona · 23/07/2020 14:28

I suppose the question is, how would you feel if he did the exact same amount of exercise but was built like a tank? Is it the amount of exercise that’s bothering you or the slim physique he has as a result?

MrsSnitchnose · 23/07/2020 14:33

Defintely projecting here OP. Part of the problem is seeing food as a 'treat'. It's not, it's fuel to keep your body going. YABVU to try and force your dietary preferences on him regarding takeaways. It's entirely up to him what he puts in his body

As for the cycling, no it wouldn't bother me. I have my own hobbies that take up a lot of my time.

I could probably have worded this better, I'm not trying to be an arsehole honest

Bearnecessity · 23/07/2020 14:35

My 18 DS is the same height, weight ish he plays shed loads of footie for his town etc.He's always been the same...some men especially if their active are thin... it has been the bane of my life trying to get weight on him I've tried everything. He used to get a lot of "grab a burger mate" type comments..I've let it go now he is fit, healthy, eats like a horse and is happy.

Bearnecessity · 23/07/2020 14:35

He's ....

SerenDippitty · 23/07/2020 14:36

People do have very different physiques - look at the difference between Mo Farah and Usain Bolt.

Their bodies do completely different things though - distance running is about stamina and sprinting about power - short bursts of speed.

Geraint Thomas (tour de france winner) is 6 foot and just over 11 stone.

TheOrigBrave · 23/07/2020 14:37

He sounds like my son. Tall, wiry and lean.
It's fine, he eats well and cycles a lot.
He takes after my side of the family.
His little bro takes after the other side and will be more solid.

It sounds like this is your boyfriend is naturally slim.

Meggie2008 · 23/07/2020 14:42

My boyfriend is 8 stone 2. I hate him 😂 he's 5'7.
I'm 5'9 and a size 14 so I look like a giant fat thing next to him

Loveinatimeofcovid · 23/07/2020 14:43

How would you feel if he thought these kinds of things about you? It’s really self centred to think about what other people think of you when your out together (they don’t think about you at all). It’s really judgmental to think poorly of him for not eating bad food, how would you feel in the reverse if he was judging you for your unhealthy attitude towards junk food and for not caring enough to take care of your health?

To be honest I don’t understand why you are even together. You sound like you don’t like him very much and like you have little in common. What are you getting out of this relationship?

xolotltezcatlopoca · 23/07/2020 14:45

Some people are naturally slim whatever they do especially if they choose to live active life. If he is happy with his lifestyle and is healthy, I don't think it's fair on him to think he is too slim just because you feel he can change the way they live to be less slim. It's a totally different story if he looks unhealthy, but it doesn't sound like that.

lilgreen · 23/07/2020 14:48

Imagine the thread “ Is my girlfriend too fat?”

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/07/2020 14:54

He’s towards slimmer end of normal. Perhaps he could do some weight training if he wants to bulk up a bit.

Jen435 · 23/07/2020 14:56

I think the food/ weight issue is not the thing you have an issue with here. The issue is that you feel like he's not willing to spend time with you and instead prefers to pursue his hobbies.

Would he/ you be willing to go riding together? It might solve two problems at once; you'd get to spend more time together - admittedly he may have to go slower with you but you'd be able to experience his hobby and it might go some way to solving your self esteem issues too?