Leaving a baby alone to go to the shop

[Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm]

So my step dad was babysitting my baby a little while ago whilst I worked. He dropped her off and left her formula behind at his and my mums house, my mum was at work and I couldn't get hold of him. At 9.55pm I needed formula for the next feed, the shop shut at 10pm. WIBU to run over to get the milk without her? Obviously didn't have time to get her in pushchair or baby carrier. The shop is about 30 secs away and I tined myself at 3 mins. I was back by 2259. I even grabbed the formula, gave the shop assistant the money and waved the milk at her and said keep the change so I didn't need to queue. Still mad at myself for it.

I really don't get the "mothers instinct" thing.

I can't explain it. It's a must quote though. The key part of it was that it is a NATURAL instinct. I have no idea where it comes from or why I have it and others don't but it is the thing that dictates to me that if I go to the shop I take my baby.

Sorry.

Don't be. We all think differently.

I left my newborn in the car for two minutes once as I was wrangling the toddler and actually forgot I had a 2nd child for a minute. "Its never safer to leave rather than take the baby". How about a petrol forecourt? Or a car park where you have to go and get a pay and display ticket? Or when I lived on a 3rd floor flat and needed to get the shopping and baby in and up the stairs? Maybe you can't articulate it because it doesn't make sense? In each of these instances, my instinct, motherly or otherwise was driven by a objective assessment of likely harm.

I have never had to do those things so I really can't comment on how I would complete the tasks. That said, aside from the 3rd floor flat which I have not encountered, the reason I haven't had to do any of the others is basically because I have avoided doing them. Maybe not the pay and display thing, I'm sure I just took the baby and pram with me to get that and popped it back in the car. Petrol since pay at pump I always use that but prior to it DH filled the car. When we became a 2 car family is was because I was back to work so just filled up when I was alone.

An emotional "instinct" I think can often override common sense.

You could be right. The more I think about it the more I think that maybe it can. Then again I am the most literal thinker going so for me if the thinking makes sense it makes sense.

I really don't get the "mothers instinct" thing. Sorry. I left my newborn in the car for two minutes once as I was wrangling the toddler and actually forgot I had a 2nd child for a minute.

I’d have done exactly what you did. If you live that close to the shop that you can be there and back in 3 minutes then it’s much safer to leave sleeping quietly in a cot. Same way that it’s safer to leave in car at petroleum station rather than lugging across forecourt which some “natural instinct” mothers seem to do as well.

But you must accept that for many single parents, like me, I simply can't avoid lots of scenarios where the ideal might be X but I have to do Y. With the pay and display, I think the child is far far safer in the car for two minutes than in a pram that could have a brake failure, or be knocked by a turning or reversing car, or whatever. Pay at pump is a lot more common now but actually I used to use a large BP petrol station that had a mini supermarket inside so I could get some basic groceries and leave babies in the car where I could see them (unlike in a normal supermarket or convenience store).
The worst one i had was a couple of years ago on holiday. Rental car was on the top floor of a car park. My DS absolutely point blank will not go in lifts so I had to leave him at the bottom, take DD up with the cases. Leave her, come down and get him and go up the stairs with him. They were 6 /7 at the time and this was in France. Was a horrible situation but I just had to deal with it and weigh up the various outcomes. Hence the uselessness of a "blanket rule"

But you must accept that for many single parents, like me, I simply can't avoid lots of scenarios

Of course. I was talking about what I did or didn't do personally in those circumstances.

With the pay and display, I think the child is far far safer in the car for two minutes than in a pram that could have a brake failure, or be knocked by a turning or reversing car, or whatever.

If you genuinely think this is going to happen though you would never leave the house with a baby. Any of those things can happen when leaving the car park just as they could happen when getting your ticket. None of them really do happen though.

Pay at pump is a lot more common now but actually I used to use a large BP petrol station that had a mini supermarket inside so I could get some basic groceries and leave babies in the car where I could see them (unlike in a normal supermarket or convenience store).

I would do this though. I mean I never had to but I would. I wouldn't be precious about leaving a baby in a car where I could see them. I think leaving them alone at home is very different though.

Sorry if I seem to be picking at bits I just keep reading again and thinking 'oh, actually..'

Interesting reading this thread and surprised by some of the responses.
I’ve been in a similar situation and needed to dash out to the shop across the road from me. I chose to carry my son in my arms for the quick urgent trip and if in the situation again I would do the same.
OP I would give yourself a break though. What is done is done. You cannot change what you did so don’t dwell.

It was this situation that made me realise how tough it is that being a single parent that doesn't drive is.

For stuff that was said last night it was just that carrying the baby wasn't an option as I couldn't unlock the doors leading to my first floor flat holding a baby. Before anyone says could have left them unlocked, no they lock behind you. I also got back 2159 rather than 2259.

@Bluebellpainting precisely what I would have done if I lived in a house with doors that didn't lock behind me. Thank you, it's been a long time and I've never forgotten it, don't think I ever will.

cuntry of course they are unlikely, that's exactly the point isn't it? You said upthread that you had a blanket rule of not leaving them alone, I'm pointing out why that isn't the case, out of either choice or necessity sometimes, precisely because leaving a baby alone or taking it with you or any single activity any of us do in life carries an element of risk and each one has to be weighed up individually. It isn't usually onerous and nothing can ever be 100% but a sensible person makes a calculated risk. Leaving a baby to get a PaD ticket is a risk in that the handbrake could fail, the car could explode, someone could smash the window and grab them. I think those things are, on balance, less likely than a pram malfunction or a reversing car not having a clear line of sight, so Ieft baby in the car for two minutes. None of those things are anywhere near as dangerous as taking the child out in the car in the first place.

I’ve done this once, when I had a poorly but finally sleeping 2 yo and I’d run out of Calpol.

I was gone 3 minutes and no harm done but, for me, it needs to be a real emergency to justify it.

@user1493413286 oh nooooooooo I don't think 'she was fine last time so I'll do it again' absolutely not. Those few minutes were an emotional rollercoaster and after that I ensured I had spares of every essential that I needed and bought 5 tubs rather than 4 at payday, also those little ready made bottles. Even made a powercut box as we had power cuts a couple of times, so there was even ready made formula in there! Safe to say I learned a lesson!

@Mintjulia indeed, wouldn't have popped over there for wine and didn't pick any chocolate up on my travels. I actually waved the formula at them, gave them the money and said keep the change to avoid even queuing!

Have you name changed again ?

Not OK to leave a baby. Start planning ahead so that you have emergency supplies of everything vital to avoid this happening again.

You said upthread that you had a blanket rule of not leaving them alone,

No, i don't think I said that at all?

I said this.....

People SHOULD blindly follow that basic 'rule' of not leaving a baby home alone.

I response to another comment about leaving babies HOME alone. No mention of blankets though and specifically refers to being home alone, not alone in the car at a petrol station or whatever.

Posted too soon, I don't know if that's the comment you are thinking of or if you have got me mixed up with someone else there

You had five minutes to get the milk, I think you made the right decision. No harm done.

@PissedOff27 yes definitely harder if you need two hands. It is tough being a mum and must be even harder on your own. I think as parents we all have these moments- no one is perfect and no one makes the right decision 100% of the time. I certainly had moments where I’ve done something and then in hindsight though oh why did I do that. You are not alone.

I never left my children home alone until they were old enough to be home alone. I do have a "blanket" policy that babies don't get left alone and I would include in that all the examples cited above. It's about being organised and on top of things. I think a reasonable "policy" as a parent is to never do anything that would cause social services to question your choices. That for me would be the very minimum I could hope to do as a mum.

I have to add that the story of the suitcases and the lift in France really concerned me. In that situation I would have put the suitcases in the lift alone and gone up the stairs with both children to meet them there (or dragged/carried them up). There is no way I would have left a young child at the bottom (presumably in a car park?) alone.

@dododotheconga I agree with your stance, but I doubt a social worker would be concerned if they had a full view of the situation. By the time the OP realised she wasn't going to get the milk from her stepdad, she had 5 minutes to get to the shop. If she didn't get there in time she risked the baby going hungry.

Imagine having an angry, awake baby and no milk. 😬

But that's where the planning ahead comes in surely? Having only one tub of milk that passed from one house to another is really risky- very easily left or knocked over etc.

@dododotheconga

I have to add that the story of the suitcases and the lift in France really concerned me. In that situation I would have put the suitcases in the lift alone and gone up the stairs with both children to meet them there (or dragged/carried them up). There is no way I would have left a young child at the bottom (presumably in a car park?) alone.

The problem with that is that it is likely that the lift will beat the people up the stairs, and then if the cases are not immediately retrieved, the lift will close and go down again. Or someone will get in and take the lift down. Or the airport authorities will find unattended suitcases and cordon off half the airport. Or someone will move them.

Best case scenario in that situation is that the poster will wear herself and DC out running up and down stairs trying to retrieve the suitcases.

Whereas a 7 YO, so not really that young to wait for a couple of minutes so he can be escorted up the stairs is in reality less likely to come to harm or be impounded by security because child snatchers don't habitually hang around areas that are festooned with armed police and security cameras and if a concerned citizen sees an apparently abandoned child, he can just tell them that he's waiting for his mum, who will be back in a couple of minutes.