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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a baby alone to go to the shop

138 replies

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 21/07/2020 23:27

So my step dad was babysitting my baby a little while ago whilst I worked. He dropped her off and left her formula behind at his and my mums house, my mum was at work and I couldn't get hold of him. At 9.55pm I needed formula for the next feed, the shop shut at 10pm. WIBU to run over to get the milk without her? Obviously didn't have time to get her in pushchair or baby carrier. The shop is about 30 secs away and I tined myself at 3 mins. I was back by 2259. I even grabbed the formula, gave the shop assistant the money and waved the milk at her and said keep the change so I didn't need to queue. Still mad at myself for it.

OP posts:
cansu · 22/07/2020 07:05

Why would anyone wait until five mins before the shop shut to decide they needed formula? Personally no I would have taken her with me. But it is done now anyway.

okiedokieme · 22/07/2020 07:11

No, take the baby with you, but if you choose to feed formula then it's also irresponsible to not have spare, you could drop the can forever instance at 3am.

CloudyVanilla · 22/07/2020 07:31

I see the logic and could forgive myself for it.

However I'm an over cautious parent in some aspects and I've watched or listened to far too many true crime series, so I'd never leave my baby alone ever, just because I couldn't cope with not knowing the situation.

That said I'm on my third baby now and I'm much more relaxed about stuff round the house than I was with my first. No dragging them to different rooms to cook or deal with my older two if they are napping. People would argue that is worse, it probably is.

StoppinBy · 22/07/2020 07:38

My daughter went to kinder right across the road from us.

I times my sons naps when he was a newborn (he was born half way through her kinder year) so that he would be in his cot napping when I went to drop her off and pick her up, that way I didn't have to take him in the germy kinder prior to his first vaccinations.

Baby was fine, you made a decision that needed to be made, let it go now.

StoppinBy · 22/07/2020 07:39

** timed his naps not times his naps sorry.

Janaih · 22/07/2020 07:44

I did this once to get wine. Not my finest hour but what's done is done and no harm done.

Flamingolingo · 22/07/2020 07:45

You’ll find people on here who say it’s unacceptable to leave kids in a parked car while you get the parking ticket, but at the end of the day it’s all about balancing risk (for me two small children roaming around while my attention is on the ticket machine is worse).

Bottom line - you need a spare tin/tin in waiting in the house so that this doesn’t happen. Not just being without the formula, but in case you dropped the tin etc.

KarenKarendson · 22/07/2020 07:50

For a shop that really is that close? Yes I would have done it.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 22/07/2020 07:50

When DD1 was little we lived in a four floor townhouse that started on the first floor (underneath was garages). As such our car was down a flight of stairs away. On more than one occasion I would leave her in her cot on the third floor (so four flights up) and bolt to get something from my car. I only did it if the thing was urgent, but sometimes it really was. It’s really only the same as that and you make a dynamic risk assessment based on the level of risk involved, it’s what everyone does every day. I wouldn’t have done it past the time she could climb/start pulling herself up though, but it sounds like your baby is still at the immobile stage. Don’t sweat it too much, just don’t make a habit of it.

clarepetal · 22/07/2020 08:27

I think you should have taken the baby with you but I totally get why you did it and don't think your the devil! I remember when my baby was a few weeks old and wouldn't stop crying and I put him down more abruptly than I should have. Motherhood is stressful x

Original poster
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 22/07/2020 08:44

@cansu I noticed a few mins after she was dropped off.

@okiedokieme I was combi-feeding as exclusive breastfeeding didn't work for me. I usually more than one tub, I was waiting for payday where I bought 4 at a time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 22/07/2020 08:46

@SleepingStandingUp I bought one of those immediately after!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 22/07/2020 08:49

@BrowncoatWaffles yessssss 😭😭😭

OP posts:
Seeline · 22/07/2020 08:49

I think the difference between hanging the washing out in the garden and making a mad dash to the shop over the road is clear. The chances of serious accident in the garden are minimal. The chances of an accident happening whilst crossing a road in a rush/panic are much higher.

Not something I would ever have done, but you obviously managed it without a problem. Get some spare formula in though.

And just because baby can't sit/stand/climb etc when you put them down doesn't mean they are safe - they learn these things very quickly.

formerbabe · 22/07/2020 08:51

Well in an ideal world, you wouldn't have done it...but I can't get too worked up by it. I wouldn't give it any more thought

MotherMorph · 22/07/2020 08:51

Was this started (and deleted) last night? I'm sure I commented on it asking what the point of the post was. I prob wouldnt have done it, but I've done other stuff MN would disapprove (wouldnt post about it)
I'm assuming it's a typo in the OP when it says you were back by 22.59 which is actually nearly 11pm rather than 10pm.

pregnancydiet · 22/07/2020 08:52

It's a bit silly to not have some spare formula in the house if your baby solely relies on it.
I suppose you'll know to always have a spare.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/07/2020 08:54

The chances of serious accident in the garden are minimal. The chances of an accident happening whilst crossing a road in a rush/panic are much higher

Not necessarily. The OP hasn't said anything about the road - many roads have next to zero traffic at 10 pm. To get to my back garden, I have to walk down a flight of steps and across a section of decking that is slippery when wet.

majesticallyawkward · 22/07/2020 08:57

Why wouldn't you just carry the baby? I don't see the need for a pushchair or carrier. The shop is 30 seconds away, nipping there and back in less than 3 minutes holding a baby wouldn't be a problem.

Or is that not enough drama?

ScubaSteven · 22/07/2020 08:59

I don’t know why you didn’t phone your step dad to bring the forgotten tin back? Less risky than doing what you did.

It’s always fine until something goes wrong.

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/07/2020 09:01

Its done now, just dont do it again.

Still should have taken lo with you.

cuntryclub · 22/07/2020 09:05

I

I'm always astonished on threads like this where people validate a decision to leave a baby, an actual baby at home alone. The point about the bottom of the garden being further always crops up which baffles me as who actually puts their baby to bed and then goes and stands at the furthest away part of their garden? I actually think the reasoning people give for and against doing this is nothing in comparison to the natural mothering instinct which is not to leave your baby alone. I can't articulate why it's wrong, because someone always comes along with a counter argument, but it feels wrong. As the mother, you are your child's first line of defence and leaving them alone like that goes against every natural instinct we have.

Didn't have time to put her in her pushchair? Presumably you have arms and could have carried her? Was she awake or did she get dropped off and settled and sound asleep within 20 minutes? How old is she?

Too many what ifs.

user1493413286 · 22/07/2020 09:08

Just stick to a blanket rule if you don’t leave the baby to go to the shop. You can justify it with it’s safer etc but these things become a slippery slope where you think well it was fine that time so I’ll do it again and that time it takes 5 minutes and your baby is fine and then the next time there’s a big queue and you think that’s ok and then it takes 10 minutes and so on and you’re going to get stuff that you want instead of need or doing it because you don’t want to wake the baby and all those small steps that you can justify lead to bigger mistakes.
Also if for whatever reason the police find your baby at home alone they don’t care that you were 30 seconds away or that’s it’s the same as having a big house and being in the garden etc etc; in their eyes you’ve still left your baby alone.
Also and I realise this is rare but if a fire starts in your house and smoke Alarms go off just after you leave or someone sees you leave and break in then 3 minutes is quite a long time

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/07/2020 09:09

A lot more was said last night but got deleted.

user1493413286 · 22/07/2020 09:11

Also money allowing always a good idea to have a spare pot of formula for these kinds of situations; I learnt that the hard way when I dropped one over the floor in the middle of the night and had to go out in the middle of the night for more

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