Leaving a baby alone to go to the shop

[Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm]

So my step dad was babysitting my baby a little while ago whilst I worked. He dropped her off and left her formula behind at his and my mums house, my mum was at work and I couldn't get hold of him. At 9.55pm I needed formula for the next feed, the shop shut at 10pm. WIBU to run over to get the milk without her? Obviously didn't have time to get her in pushchair or baby carrier. The shop is about 30 secs away and I tined myself at 3 mins. I was back by 2259. I even grabbed the formula, gave the shop assistant the money and waved the milk at her and said keep the change so I didn't need to queue. Still mad at myself for it.

@vodkaredbullgirl

A lot more was said last night but got deleted.

This thread will be on its way soon then no doubt

What more was said last night?! I’m surprised people think this was ok tbh.

people think its ok because the very specific set of circumstances the op describe are ok, in many peoples' view. Lots of what ifs on the "bad side" , busy road, locked out , spontaneous combustion, heart attack but a realistic risk assessment, using common sense says this was not ideal, but not a hanging offence and that the reality of parenting, especially single parenting is that you sometimes have to make compromises against the "ideal" - I've been leaving my tweens at home alone for longer periods than I might otherwise have rather than taking them into shops during the Covid crisis for instance. Its about critically assessing risk, not blindly following a rule.

Its about critically assessing risk, not blindly following a rule.

It shouldn't be. The natural instinct of a mother should really kick in and it should be a 'no' not a situation for doing risk assessment. How do you risk assess leaving an actual baby alone 🤷🏻‍♀️

People SHOULD blindly follow that basic 'rule' of not leaving a baby home alone.

The chances of serious accident in the garden are minimal. The chances of an accident happening whilst crossing a road in a rush/panic are much higher

Precisely why you leave the baby at home surely? If I come home and find dh up a ladder with a baby in one hand because 'it's quite dangerous climbing ladders and changing lightbulbs' I'm not going to praise him for his excellent parenting skills, but I suppose you would?

I actually think the reasoning people give for and against doing this is nothing in comparison to the natural mothering instinct which is not to leave your baby alone. I can't articulate why it's wrong, because someone always comes along with a counter argument, but it feels wrong

You can't come up with a reason for it because there isn't one. You are blindly following "mother's instinct" which you seem to be used as some sort of short hand for "I'm right and you're all wrong despite any logic stating otherwise"

So not only do you suggest doing the clearly stupid thing but you feel like a better parent for holding that position. It's amazing to me.

The risk assessment for leaving the baby alone is exactly the same one parents do every night when they put the baby down in the other room and go to sleep themselves in their bedroom btw.

People SHOULD blindly follow that basic 'rule' of not leaving a baby home alone.

Even when it's more dangerous because MOTHER'S INSTINCT!!111!

You are clearly the better parent, I hope you feel so good about it.

@SheWhoWillNotPutUpWithYourShit

People SHOULD blindly follow that basic 'rule' of not leaving a baby home alone.

Even when it's more dangerous because MOTHER'S INSTINCT!!111!

You are clearly the better parent, I hope you feel so good about it.

Taking a baby with you will never be 'more dangerous' than leaving a baby alone. That's basic level.

You are clearly the better parent, I hope you feel so good about it.

Just to clarify, I didn't say I was a better parent or that anyone else's was a shit parent. On the subject of leaving babies alone I said natural instinct dictates it not ok. Don't make out I'm calling anybody a bad parent. I'm simply discussing one aspect.

So not only do you suggest doing the clearly stupid thing but you feel like a better parent for holding that position.

You seem to be hung up on me trying to act like the 'better parent'. That's an issue you should work on. If you have doubts about your ability to parent don't lay it on me. I haven't said I am better. I have said this is how I feel and this is why. I don't recall saying it makes me better. I'm probably shit at many other things, but for me it's very natural and basic to keep my baby close.

Actually, let's come back to this.....

So not only do you suggest doing the clearly stupid thing

Taking a baby to the shop is not and never will be a 'stupid thing'. Babies go with their parents to the shops worldwide on a daily basis.

I may have trouble articulating why I feel babies should not be left alone, but the natural is real and actually provides a basic valid point. You saying taking a baby to the shop is 'doing the stupid thing' is quite frankly bizarre.

Ok I'll admit I I actually am the better parent and woulda done what op did, and have done and all my kids are tickety boo

Taking a baby with you will never be 'more dangerous' than leaving a baby alone. That's basic level

How????

If a baby is left alone in a cot for 3 minutes, whether the parent is in the next room, the garden or has gone to the shop, there's a 99.99999+% chance that absolutely nothing bad will happen.

Of course there is a tiny chance that the house will set on fire, the baby will somehow escape the cot, get stuck, choke or have a medical episode, or the parent will have an accident, become ill, forget where they live or get abducted by aliens, but within that tiny window of time, the chance is very very very small and the parent being able to detect and do something about the problem will be the same whether they are in the garden, downstairs or even in the shop.

However, if the baby is taken to the shop, as well as the disruption of being taken out of the house in a rush, they are additionally exposed to risks of crossing the road, coughed on by a COVID sufferer or being dropped if the parent has the heart attack that people seem so certain that is going to happen.

So of course you should take your baby with you to the shop because when you get run over, you need to make sure your baby is also with you, so they get run over too.

@BarbaraofSeville

Like I said, I can't even begin to articulate. For every valid point someone comes along with something like you have just done. Maybe I'm primeval

I have to say though 'may be coughed on by a Covid sufferer'

Seriously. If that's reason not to take a baby to the shop at 10pm why is it not applicable any other time of the day - ditto being run over and all the other wild scenarios people have given?

But you have done that exactly. In two posts. You have decided that anyone who wouldn't do the silly thing does not have a correct mother's instinct. Somehow failing. Don't turn it around it just makes you look passive aggressive, at least own up to what you're saying.

What actually is "mother's instinct" btw for you? Where does it come from, is it a gland of some sort that women have that overrides their ability to think clearly? Do men have father's instinct?

I've never heard it used by anyone who didn't call themselves "mamma bear" in instagram posts. So I'm keen to know.

To me the reason to never leave a baby alone is that they will be sad if they look and can't find me. But if I am on my own, I balance that against doing something safely. That's not 'mother's instinct', it's being a sensible adult. You do realise that most animals who have proper instincts leave their babies alone repeatedly to procure food for them because the alternative would be dangerous, yes? Literally just as the OP did. How many birds to do you see flying around with babies on their backs because they just couldn't bring themselves to leave the baby alone?

Not ideal, for any number of reasons, which you know quite well.

However, the best thing to do is to work out what you can proactively do to stop this happening again.

You could:

• Keep at least 2 tins of formula in stock at all times (what would you have done if the shop was out, or had closed a few minutes early?)
• Decant into a smaller container what your step-dad would have needed for the time he had baby.
• Buy in a few cartons of that "ready to drink" formula, for emergencies.

Having only one tub of formula in the house at a time seems a bit of a rookie error.

I really don't understand the point of this post. You're not asking for opinions, or advice as you've already done it.
Is this a real post? Or just one caused to stir up some dramatics?

I can't say as I've ever dropped a baby trying to unlock a door, or crossing a road but seemingly these are common occurrences in Mumsnet land. If the shop is 30 seconds away and you've got 5 minutes to get there, I can't see why you'd be in such a panic if you had the baby with you that you'd run into the path of an approaching car but hey ho.

Anyway, no harm was done so stop beating yourself up over it.

Taking a baby to the shop is not and never will be a 'stupid thing'. Babies go with their parents to the shops worldwide on a daily basis.

She was running around a shop because of the timing and would have had to do so while carrying a baby. Yes, far riskier than leaving it in a cot. Possibly crossing a road, I don't know if she gave specifics.

She also stated she can't open her door with one hand but would have baby in one hand and formula in the other. She could put the formula down but probably not the baby.

I would normally say no but baby needs milk and if the shop is directly in front of your house as you say, then they're unlikely to come to harm. But then if it was that close I think I would just take the baby with me in my arms and not bother with a pram or carrier.

I can't say as I've ever dropped a baby trying to unlock a door, or crossing a road but seemingly these are common occurrences in Mumsnet land. If the shop is 30 seconds away and you've got 5 minutes to get there, I can't see why you'd be in such a panic if you had the baby with you that you'd run into the path of an approaching car but hey ho.

I've never known a baby to explode while laying down for three minutes because I left the house VS left the bedroom but this is something we have to worry about.

I do think you are far more likely to drop a baby while trying to run then not. I think you might run if you are worried the shop won't let you in as is common just before closing. We don't normally run while holding babies though. We avoid the situation.

But you have done that exactly. In two posts. You have decided that anyone who wouldn't do the silly thing does not have a correct mother's instinct. Somehow failing. Don't turn it around it just makes you look passive aggressive, at least own up to what you're saying.

I absolutely own up to what I am saying. I am saying, for me, that is my reason. I am not interested in suggesting anyone is a shit parent or otherwise. We are talking about one very specific situation where I would do things differently to the OP. That is all.

What actually is "mother's instinct" btw for you? Where does it come from, is it a gland of some sort that women have that overrides their ability to think clearly?

Maybe, I don't have a clue. I don't think so tbh as I can and do think clearly and very logically. I was saying natural instinct / natural mother instinct not simply as you seem to quote incorrectly 'mothers instinct ' It's just a natural feeling, hence not being able to get it down in a post very well, I haven't got a clue where it comes from.

Do men have father's instinct?

Not being a father I don't know what their natural instincts are.

I've never heard it used by anyone who didn't call themselves "mamma bear" in instagram posts. So I'm keen to know.

Aww bless. I can assure you that is not me.

I wouldn't have done that OP, but what's done is done. There's no point rehashing it all now.

I don't get the 'but I could be in the garden and be further away' arguments. I wouldn't put my DC down to sleep and then stand at the bottom of my garden either. I want to be close by and have a monitor on because the DC need someone responsible nearby.

I doubt people saying it's fine to go to the shop if it's close would be happy if their teenage babysitter went to the shop when they were meant to be responsible for the DC.

I really don't get the "mothers instinct" thing. Sorry. I left my newborn in the car for two minutes once as I was wrangling the toddler and actually forgot I had a 2nd child for a minute. "Its never safer to leave rather than take the baby". How about a petrol forecourt? Or a car park where you have to go and get a pay and display ticket? Or when I lived on a 3rd floor flat and needed to get the shopping and baby in and up the stairs? Maybe you can't articulate it because it doesn't make sense? In each of these instances, my instinct, motherly or otherwise was driven by a objective assessment of likely harm. An emotional "instinct" I think can often override common sense.

I didnt do it when my kids were babies but I have done it but I always call my Mum and tell her then call her when I'm back. Just incase anything happened to me and nobody knew.