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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 year old babysitting sibling for an evening?

137 replies

confusedaboutages · 21/07/2020 18:37

AIBU to leave my 13 year old babysitting my 7 year old? I don't have anyone who can have them that night, so is a straight choice between yes or no.

I'll be 45 minutes away by car. I'm driving not drinking, so can leave immediately if there were any issue. There is a neighbour they could go to if there was a problem I couldn't deal with over the phone.

13 year is used to being home alone and has babysat during the daytime for the 7 year old many times before. 7 year old us nearly 8, if this makes a difference? They get on well, no fighting issues.

I'd be out from 7pm - 11:30pm at the very latest. I'd put the 7 year old to bed before I went out, leaving 13 year old to watch Netflix.

I think it would be fine, but I wanted to check opinions before committing myself.

AIBU to let the 13 year old babysit?

OP posts:

iolaus · 21/07/2020 20:43

Have you checked with the neighbour that they are definitely home and happy to be the emergency contact that night - even if they have said they are happy for your son to go to them if an issue when you were out I'd want to know that was the case

Personally I wouldn't go that far at that age at night - and I have left my child of a similar age looking after a younger child for a short period during the day, yet I'd be perfectly happy to leave the 13 year old alone for that length of time at that distance at night

nokidshere · 21/07/2020 20:56

Not every child is ready to be home alone at 14, even NT ones. As a childminder I do 'shared care' for secondary school children. They do a mixture of home and here depending on how their day has gone, how long the parent is going to be, how hungry they are. Bullying, stress, loneliness, needing to talk, help with their homework! I don't 'look after' them, I give them a safe space to hang out if they don't want to be on their own for any or all of the above reasons. Sometimes waiting for a parent to get home is just too long to get things off their chest. I have had many children up to the age of 14 in my 20yrs of childminding and, in one case, a teenage boy came here until he was almost 16. All of them knew - and still know even though some are now at uni and work - that my door is always open to them.

With regards to the OP, it's personal really. I wouldn't have left my two at that age because they would fight or squabble. Only you can decide if your oldest is ready for the responsibility (and it's a huge one) and your youngest will be well behaved for his sibling

Purpleartichoke · 21/07/2020 21:00

I used to babysit all sorts of aged children for much longer periods of time at that age. It was fine, but I still wouldn’t do it as a parent if I had another option. My outing would need to be critical.

Ragwort · 21/07/2020 21:05

Yes fine, assuming both your DC are sensible & a neighbour is available in an emergency. I used to be a Scout Leader and our patrols of six youngsters went off on a camping expeditions with the oldest Scout only being 14 - and this was years before everyone had a mobile phone.

Florencemattell · 21/07/2020 21:10

A child under 16 cant be legally responsible for another child. So you are still the responsible adult. Were an accident to occur being 45 minutes away could be considered neglect. So no. If you were down the road, school meeting etc maybe. Find a babysitter.
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 21:23

That is true if you’ve left them with a teenager who is incapable of looking after them, ie alerting the emergency services should an emergency occur or liable to bash 7 shades out of them and so forth.

HelenaJustina · 21/07/2020 21:29

Not read full thread but I would leave until 10/10/30 at that age.
My 12yr old looked after 3 younger DC for 3.5 hours this afternoon between her Dad leaving for work and me getting home.

Divebar · 21/07/2020 21:45

A 12 year old looked after 3 younger kids? 😟. What could possibly go wrong ?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/news/uk/227553/Police-caution-mum-for-leaving-son-14-to-mind-three-year-old-brother/amp

CremeEggThief · 21/07/2020 21:49

Of course it's fine. I was babysitting for 3 kids overnight (and often past midday the next day before the mother came home) from 13.

roundandsideways · 21/07/2020 21:49

I wouldn't
My 13 year old wouldn't feel comfortable with that level of responsibility.
I could leave him at home alone for a few hours, but not watching a sibling. I've only ever left him home alone for a coup,e of hours during the day.
If your child is used to being alone in the evening, then they'll probably be fine, but it would be better to get a sitter

chubbyhotchoc · 21/07/2020 21:55

Nope

oopsiedaisy2 · 21/07/2020 21:59

Yikes no!! I am pondering if it's ok to leave my 14 year old with a 21 year old overnight and worried so I certainly couldn't leave a 13 year old with a 7 year old

Kim82 · 21/07/2020 22:01

I wouldn’t. I have a 13 year old and wouldn’t leave her to babysit her 6 year old sister that late at night. They get on very well with no arguing but it’s too late and too far away for me. I’d happily leave my almost 16 year old to babysit in those circumstances but I think 13 is too young.

JaaniGoGo · 21/07/2020 22:05

@oopsiedaisy2

Yikes no!! I am pondering if it's ok to leave my 14 year old with a 21 year old overnight and worried so I certainly couldn't leave a 13 year old with a 7 year old

Well that’s just ridiculous, on your part.

A 21 year old is an adult. If you’re that worried, you need to see the doctor about your anxiety.

lyralalala · 21/07/2020 22:06

Why on Earth are you worrying about leaving a 14 year old with an adult for a night?

bellsbuss · 21/07/2020 22:08

At that age I was babysitting 3 under 5, all my friends were babysitting at that age.

LolaSmiles · 21/07/2020 22:10

I wouldn't. 45 mins is quite a distance in my opinion.

I would let a 13 year old watch a sibling when I went to the shop that's close by, but not all evening when I'm 45 mins away.

Newbiehere123 · 21/07/2020 22:13

It's a difficult one OP. I was babysitting at 13 but i was mature for my age and the parents were 20 mins away that evening but on the other hand, since becoming a mother I have these wild thoughts of what if's. What if a fire broke out? What if someone breaks in? What if the neighbour does something to my children knowing you are not at home? Sorry I don't think I could.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 22:19

@oopsiedaisy2

Yikes no!! I am pondering if it's ok to leave my 14 year old with a 21 year old overnight and worried so I certainly couldn't leave a 13 year old with a 7 year old

What

Original poster

confusedaboutages · 21/07/2020 22:30

Thanks everyone. I do think they would be absolutely fine, but given the mix of views I'll leave it. It's a shame, as we've worked so hard through Covid and it would be lovely to get out, but I'll stop in.

I spoke to my DS about it as he is disappointed and didn't think I trusted him. I've explained how I really do trust him and that I'll let him babysit again when I'm closer to home, rather than out by work.

DS did say that he felt slightly more weird having a 16year old girl babysitting (this is my usual babysitter who isn't free), than he was at all bothered about looking after his brother, which was an interesting perspective that I'd not thought about before.

It's been really interesting hearing everyone's views - and seeing how different they are. Thanks all

OP posts:

NotExactlyMrsCurrentAffairs · 21/07/2020 22:42

Due to current conditions, I've only just started to leave my 8yo with my 14yo for an hour or so during the day while I go food shopping locally (5 mins away in car)
I would feel uncomfortable and anxious leaving them for longer than 2 hours, especially later that 7p.m. and a 45 minute car journey away. But, that's me and I do worry.

Runbitchrun · 21/07/2020 22:44

In the day, yes. At night, no. I have a 13 year old and I wouldn’t leave her with her younger sibling at night, especially if I was 45 minutes away.

Jarofflies · 21/07/2020 22:49

It sounds ok to me. If you trust that they are responsible enough. As you said, your neighbor would be there if any problems did come up.

sbhydrogen · 21/07/2020 22:50

Sounds fine to me. What's the difference between them being home from school and you at work, than being the evening?

It might be useful if your neighbour had a key, just in case.

Sounds like fun!

Florencemattell · 21/07/2020 22:59

Why don’t you ask your neighbour to babysit?

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