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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old babysitting sibling for an evening?

137 replies

confusedaboutages · 21/07/2020 18:37

AIBU to leave my 13 year old babysitting my 7 year old? I don't have anyone who can have them that night, so is a straight choice between yes or no.

I'll be 45 minutes away by car. I'm driving not drinking, so can leave immediately if there were any issue. There is a neighbour they could go to if there was a problem I couldn't deal with over the phone.

13 year is used to being home alone and has babysat during the daytime for the 7 year old many times before. 7 year old us nearly 8, if this makes a difference? They get on well, no fighting issues.

I'd be out from 7pm - 11:30pm at the very latest. I'd put the 7 year old to bed before I went out, leaving 13 year old to watch Netflix.

I think it would be fine, but I wanted to check opinions before committing myself.

AIBU to let the 13 year old babysit?

OP posts:
cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 19:14

The reason is the key factor for me. Emergency situation? Yes I would. Night out? No.

pigcon1 · 21/07/2020 19:18

It’s fine. Not every child is the same but this is certainly an age where parents should expect more.

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 19:20

If your kids are only little you can’t know what they’ll be like as a teen and what they’ll be capable of. My 13 year old babysat her 7 year old brother when we went to watch her sister in a school play.

PippinMeriadoc · 21/07/2020 19:20

Yes absolutely.

ItWasntMyFault · 21/07/2020 19:21

Yes. I was babysitting other people's children at age 13.

BlingLoving · 21/07/2020 19:22

@caringcarer

I would never leave children home alone. I used to make my son go to childminder after school until he was 14 years old. I would not leave a child in charge of another child. I would not leave a 13 year old home alone let alone a 7 year old. Madness. Why can't you employ a baby sitter for evening?
This response is so clearly outside of what the OP is already perfectly happy to do that any further advice is irrelevant. I'm a bit shocked that a 14 year old had to go to a childminder.

OP - you know your children well enough so personally I'd say if you're comfortable, it's fine. Your dd sounds sensible and used to responsibility. Assume she knows how to get out if there's a fire, call emergency services etc. Plus trusted neighbour. I think it's fine.

My only caveat would be if the 13 year old is happy. If she's at all uncomfortable with you being far away, then it might be worth reconsidering.

ThisIsGonnaHurt · 21/07/2020 19:22

Only you know if your 13 yo is capable of doing this. I used to look after 3 children younger than that at 13 but I was pretty sensible/mature. My elsest DS would have been fine but I doubt my youngest would be at that age.

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 19:23

14 year old at a childminder! 😱

lyralalala · 21/07/2020 19:23

@confusedaboutages

Just to answer a few questions.

7 year old will be in bed.
No fighting/playing up issues, they get on really well.
Neighbour won't babysit per se, but can come over in case if any emergency.

Thanks for replies so far. It's so hard to know where the lines are with teens and a lack of actual guidance as to what is and isn't ok.

There can’t be clear yes or no’s because it depends on your child

At 13 DD could easily be left minding other children. In fact at just turned 14 she was the calmest and first to react when a young child was knocked down outside church

Her sister... well let’s just say at 16 we still tend not to leave her home alone a lot because she has no concentration spat and is incredibly impulsive without thought for danger

You know your kids better than anyone else so only you know if they’ll cope with problems without you

ThisIsGonnaHurt · 21/07/2020 19:24

Seriously a childminder for a 14 yo. Wow that is way OTT for an NT child.

Many 14 yos babysit for young kids. It's pretty normal.

shemadeit · 21/07/2020 19:26

I’ve just finished watching the babysitters club on Netflix Blush and they’re all 13 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry that’s no helpGrin

Oblomov20 · 21/07/2020 19:26

Depends on the children. I think it'll be fine. With mine it would have been fine because both ds's were very mature for their age. And my neighbour opposite has always been like a grandfather, and used to babysit when they were little.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 19:27

@caringcarer

I would never leave children home alone. I used to make my son go to childminder after school until he was 14 years old. I would not leave a child in charge of another child. I would not leave a 13 year old home alone let alone a 7 year old. Madness. Why can't you employ a baby sitter for evening?

I think you are the very far end of extreme in all of your examples.

Rwoolley · 21/07/2020 19:30

@caringcarer

How would you feel if your car broke down and it took hours to get home? 45 mins is a long time in an emergency.

If there was a fire or emergency you would have difficult questions to answer about what was so important they were left home alone.

Can't you take them with you if you can't get a sitter?

Did you purposely miss the part about the neighbour being available if there was an emergency

The fact you had a child minder for a 14 year old kind of makes your opinion on the whole matter a bit moot

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 19:31

The 7 year old won’t be home alone. I worry more for the safety of the infantilised teen.

WombOfOnesOwn · 21/07/2020 19:31

I was babysitting special needs kids by that age (Down Syndrome, autism, ADHD). I don't think this should be a problem unless your 7 year old has SEN or your 13 year old is particularly irresponsible.

Coulddowithanap · 21/07/2020 19:31

I think with the neighbour on hand just in case, it should be OK. Only you know your children.

I always check with my 13 year old that she doesn't mind looking after my 8 year old, even when isn't only an hour or so. I haven't had to leave them in the evening yet so not sure what I would do.

flooredbored · 21/07/2020 19:32

I used to look after a baby sibling at that age. A sensible 13 year old will be fine.

Delbelleber · 21/07/2020 19:33

That sounds fine to me. I remember babysitting my nephew when I was 12 and he was 6.

fiadhflower · 21/07/2020 19:33

I was babysitting other people’s children at 12 (as well as my siblings). Like someone else said, you know your daughter and how mature she is. I was entirely capable of this and I know 13 years olds now who would be fine to do this. I cannot imagine going to a childminders at 14 - that is mind boggling (unless additional needs).

Oysterbabe · 21/07/2020 19:33

I think it's fine. I babysat the neighbours kids at 13.

WanderingMilly · 21/07/2020 19:33

Of course it's OK, you have thought it out carefully, it isn't for long and there are people the 13 year old could go to if they need to.
My daughter - in her day - babysat for neighbours' children at age 13, it's fine.

Original poster
confusedaboutages · 21/07/2020 19:34

Thanks everyone. It's real food for thought.

My 13 year old is very happy to babysit and wants to. He sees it that as the youngest is already in bed, then it's actually him sitting with the sitter and he doesn't want to do that.

During the day, I'd have no qualms whatsoever about doing this, but I was less sure about during an evening. However, I'm edging towards agreeing, on the basis of DS views and also that you all don't think it's completely out of line. I'm a single parent, so it's really helpful to have a wider sense check.

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 21/07/2020 19:36

Most surprised by the nearly 8 year old going to sleep by 7pm, certainly cannot imagine many 13/7 needing a baby sitter in this scenario.

Mummyshark2018 · 21/07/2020 19:37

I was babysitting at 11.

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