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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old babysitting sibling for an evening?

137 replies

confusedaboutages · 21/07/2020 18:37

AIBU to leave my 13 year old babysitting my 7 year old? I don't have anyone who can have them that night, so is a straight choice between yes or no.

I'll be 45 minutes away by car. I'm driving not drinking, so can leave immediately if there were any issue. There is a neighbour they could go to if there was a problem I couldn't deal with over the phone.

13 year is used to being home alone and has babysat during the daytime for the 7 year old many times before. 7 year old us nearly 8, if this makes a difference? They get on well, no fighting issues.

I'd be out from 7pm - 11:30pm at the very latest. I'd put the 7 year old to bed before I went out, leaving 13 year old to watch Netflix.

I think it would be fine, but I wanted to check opinions before committing myself.

AIBU to let the 13 year old babysit?

OP posts:
Mummyshark2018 · 21/07/2020 19:38

I was babysitting at 11.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 19:38

@Mummyshark2018

I was babysitting at 11.

This doesn't make it ok. 11 years olds are not suitable babysitters.

OscarWildesCat · 21/07/2020 19:38

No from me, I have a very sensible almost 14 year old but would never leave him in charge of his sister (10) if I was 45 minutes away, it’s not fair on either of them, less so at aged 7.

Mamimawr · 21/07/2020 19:39

I would. I've started leaving my 13 year old in the daytime with 7 year old for an hour or so.

baileys6904 · 21/07/2020 19:39

Not a chance- 45 minutes is too far away in an emergency and its one hell of a responsibility to put on a 13 year.

If anything happened, its on her shoulders, at least for close to an hour. What about if you got a flat tyre, or broke down. Not fair on the oldest

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 19:40

Hopefully the 13 year old would have the sense to call the relevant emergency service in the case of this emergency people keep envisioning.

thecognoscenti · 21/07/2020 19:40

@caringcarer

I would never leave children home alone. I used to make my son go to childminder after school until he was 14 years old. I would not leave a child in charge of another child. I would not leave a 13 year old home alone let alone a 7 year old. Madness. Why can't you employ a baby sitter for evening?
How old do you think the babysitter would be?! Like many others I was sitting other kids for money at 13.
BendingSpoons · 21/07/2020 19:41

I think it's fine. You have several back-up emergency plans: leave, call a neighbour. I also remember being about that age and HATING having a babysitter. Much preferred being left alone. If your DS is happy, go for it.

Lazypuppy · 21/07/2020 19:41

Sounds fine to me, i was babysitting other kids till midnight at 12/13.

Teaches them a good bit of independance and responsability

OscarWildesCat · 21/07/2020 19:42

Just to add, during the day, I have but not at night. I’m not sure why it’s different but it doesn’t sit right with me.

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 19:42

Because that’s when emergencies happen 😀

Stompythedinosaur · 21/07/2020 19:43

I think it's fine as long as there is someone close they can call on in an emergency.

RedHelenB · 21/07/2020 19:44

As long as your ds has the neighbour's phone no. and is happy to be left that's fine imo. I'd leave my 13 yr old in that situation.

Goosefoot · 21/07/2020 19:44

I don't think there should be any problem with this, if you think she's ready . My eldest babysat her three siblings at that age, my second child I might have hesitated at the same age as she was not as reliable.

BrieAndChilli · 21/07/2020 19:45

@caringcarer

I would never leave children home alone. I used to make my son go to childminder after school until he was 14 years old. I would not leave a child in charge of another child. I would not leave a 13 year old home alone let alone a 7 year old. Madness. Why can't you employ a baby sitter for evening?
Jesus Christ, uNless this is a drip feed where the child in question has SEN and needs adult supervision I can’t imagine any 14 year old being happy going to a childminder after school instead of going home, making a snack and watching TV and doing some homework for a couple of hours until parents get home. No wonder so many kids are going to uni and having absolutely no idea how to fend for themselves if they aren’t even allowed no adult supervision until they are 15!!!!
Cummingsandgoings · 21/07/2020 19:46

I wouldn't do this , no. I think you are away too long/too far away/home too late.

A few mins to an hour while popping to a nearby shop or school meeting or something feels ok - but imo, leaving them alone for four hours late at night and going 45 mins away by car is placing too much responsibility on the older child

I too was babysitting for others at 14, but would have had far more difficulty with my own sibling.

Ickabog · 21/07/2020 19:48

I too was babysitting for others at 14, but would have had far more difficulty with my own sibling.

I agree, it's very different.

BrieAndChilli · 21/07/2020 19:48

In response to OPs question my friend who is a social worker says if you are happy to leave them during the day then evening is now different. I do feel however that night time brings more risks - children especially the younger are tired and more likely to play up / get emotional / get scared.
Power going out means having to use candles and candles - more risk. Kids more likely to panic and get scared in the dark than if the power went out in the day.
Burglars more likely to try and get in a house in the dark

Mine are 13, 12 and 9 and I will leave them in the day but I am only 5/10 min away. Evenings I will leave briefly eg if I need to go pick one of them up from scouts or drama etc but not the youngest on his own.

IHateCoronavirus · 21/07/2020 19:49

Too far away and too late, so no from me. I would be ok with it if I was popping around the corner during the daytime.

BitOfFun · 21/07/2020 19:50

Yes, I would, in the situation you describe. Can't see a vote though.

PablosHoney · 21/07/2020 19:51

This kind of thing is so personal and varies from child to child so you’ll ever get a clear opinion either way, only you can decide.

Rachie1973 · 21/07/2020 19:52

Depends on your own children, a couple of mine would have been great and I’d have done it with no concerns.

A couple of the others I still wouldn’t leave in my house alone now, at the ages of 23/24 lol

BendingSpoons · 21/07/2020 19:54

Interesting people's different views on this. When I was 13 and my sibling was 7, I was fine to babysit. We got on well and my sister would listen to me, it would be almost a treat to have me do bedtime. Plus the OP is doing bedtime before going out anyway.

To me it's madness that some people send 13/14 yos to a childminder unless they have SEN. Don't they hate it?

BakewellGin1 · 21/07/2020 19:57

In your situation I would

Oldest happy to, youngest not a problem

Neighbour available if needed

If it is soon then its light where I am until 10/10.30 anyway so wouldn't be dark until it was nearly time for you to head home

Oldest has a phone to call you/neighbour I presume

Most issues they could probably text or call and you could provide a solution

Make sure you have a torch in case of power cut (much more useful and safe then candles)

Assuming they know not to answer front door, use oven and so on.

BakewellGin1 · 21/07/2020 19:58

Also to add each to their own but my oldest is 11 and no chance I would send him to a childminder. He let's himself in from school and has a drink, snack, gets changed etc before I get in

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