Comments turned off during Facebook group regarding meal times

[Stella8686]

I had just written my comment and by the time I sent it comments had turned off. So same question phrased differently

AIBU to not think family dinners are as important as the 'humble braggers' like to make out.

Someone asked if people's 4 yo sit at the table?

Then come all the humble brags. "Mine have since they were 9 months and sign please and thank you and finished. There are no electronics and we discus current affairs" etc

Is it only me who places no importance on these times? It's only the two of us here me and my 7 yo DD.

Last night I ate sanding up in the kitchen waiting for my online fitness class to start and cleaning up (martial arts) she was in front of the tv

We do sometimes eat together but tv is usually on

We have a really close bond and had a lovely chat last night while she was in the bath about boyfriends and what makes a good one! It came up because she was telling me who was boyfriend and girlfriend at her school! 7 year olds! She's never had one and isn't bothered but we had a good talk and I said it can be girlfriend and girlfriend.

Anyway I rambled a bit

AIBU to think family dinners are not of high importance?

Yes: UABI they are important
No: YANBI they are not important

We don't manage it very often, maybe Saturday lunch and Sunday dinner. DC eat earlier than us, at the kitchen table, usually without screens. DH and I don't finish/get home til 630 at the earliest and that's too late for school night dinners. Also I like to eat late, to eat food of my choosing, with a glass of wine, as the end marker of my day. Neither DH nor I really like getting up after dinner to do an evening of jobs (Although we may well have to do work on a computer some evenings a week, much easier when the kids are in bed asleep).

DC have decent table manners, can confidently talk with grown ups and behave nicely in a restaurant, and enjoy Sunday family dinners when we have them. but if we've had a busy weekend and its fish'n'chips on the beach on a picnic blanket that's more than fine toO!

I think family meals are important, even if some of them feel tortuous. However, at the moment, when none of us are doing anything interesting at all and are at home pretty much 24/7, we’ve run out of things to talk about at mealtimes.

However, at the moment, when none of us are doing anything interesting at all and are at home pretty much 24/7, we’ve run out of things to talk about at mealtimes.

That's our house too. We do sit at the table every day but I do find it a bit boring. My 4yo takes forever to eat her food which means that DH and I are just sitting there trying to think of something new to talk about. Also, despite having sit down meals since being weaned, DD still hasn't learned to use her knife and fork properly. She tries, we encourage but she does find it very frustrating.

Honestly, I'd much rather eat dinner from a tray on my lap whilst watching telly.

Honestly, I'd much rather eat dinner from a tray on my lap whilst watching telly

Then do it if that’s what you would prefer!

YABU to accuse others of "bragging" because they have a different approach.

Why do you think that a family stating they don't allow electronics at the table constitute bragging, but Last night I ate sanding up in the kitchen waiting for my online fitness class to start and cleaning up (martial arts) doesn't?

You don't have to agree that family meals are important, it's a personal choice, but it's interesting you feel you have to defend yourself because you have your own opinion

Not important at all for us. I think it’s only an issue if the rest of the child’s life is chaotic.

We occasionally eat breakfast together but otherwise, DS eats all his meals at the table (taking ages to do so) and we eat sat in the sunroom at totally different times. I already cook 2 separate dinners and that’s enough of a faff.

I would love to have a table, even the space for a table would be nice.

Personally I think it’s pretty sad if you can’t get your children to turn your electronics off etc leave toys alone for 20/30 minutes while a meal is eaten. Hardly humble bragging.

I would love to have a table, even the space for a table would be nice.

We always sat at the table for meals. As a single parent, it was important for me to have that time together. No tv, no distractions, just catching up and talking and whole lot of laughter. My children, who are mostly adults now often reminisce about it. It was just as important to them as it was to me.
These days we still make sure to do it once a week, even though they no longer all live at home.

Quite important to me. Even if the DC eat on their own and I will have dinner with DH later I still sit at the table with them and insist on 'table manners'.
Never the TV on when DC are there (DH and I will have dinner in front of the TV most nights though).
I'm not sure why, partly because it was like this in our families. Also because we love eating out and you can't expect DC to behave if they haven't been used to it at home (staying still even if they are done eating, not interrupting, chewing with the mouth closed... my standards are not super high!).

They're really important in our family, we all sit down together and it's just a pleasant time.

I can't abide trying to eat food off my lap and so I eat all my meals at the table.

Personally I think it’s pretty sad if you can’t get your children to turn your electronics off etc leave toys alone for 20/30 minutes while a meal is eaten

But that's the point. It's not about "can't". It's about whether there's any reason why she should.

I believe table manners, and the ability to hold a conversation with other people are important, @Stella8686, and family mealtimes are a good way to teach these - but not the only way, I know.

When the dses were little, we ate together sometimes (Sunday lunch, special occasions, Christmas etc), but mostly they ate earlier, and I waited and ate with dh, because he was usually home too late from work for us to eat together. But we took the boys out for meals sometimes, and enjoyed talking with them and listening to them during these meals. And we taught them table manners at home, so that when we ate out, they behaved nicely - not that they were perfect, but they knew the basics and did their best. Smartphones hadn't been invented then, so we didn't have to tackle the issue of tech at mealtimes - and now they generally put their phones away when we eat - special meals/occasions are definitely phone-free, but other mealtimes, the phones will sometimes come out - and that is fine, imo.

As they got older, and had later bedtimes, we tended to eat together more - but we don't usually eat at the table - we eat in front of the TV, most days, and eat at the dining table occasionally.

But I am confident that the boys (now aged 23, 25 and nearly 27) know how to behave appropriately at anything from a formal meal to something more casual - and I do think that these are basic life skills - so as long as children are learning these basic skills, I don't think it matters how.

Another single parent here and I totally get it. We rarely sit down to eat formally as it's just me and DD, usually we are both tired after school/work and need some downtime which means eating infront of tv usually.

However, my DD has eaten enough times at a table to know how to behave at one and we also spend a lot of time together chatting, usually around bedtime.

I do think it's different if there are just two of you as you spend so much time together anyway. I appreciate that large families do need to have more opportunities to all connect.

I think they can be a useful way to to ensure you spend time as a family. But that can also be done in other ways. But meals can make it happen because you have to eat.
Also eating together does have important group bonding effects as discussed in this recent episode of Gastropod. traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/aaea4e69-af51-495e-afc9-a9760146922b/2a195077-f014-41d2-8313-ab190186b4c2/98757f1f-7ec2-4e2e-bd43-abce0183d099/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=277bcd5c-0a05-4c14-8ba6-ab190186b4d5

Kids do need to learn how to use cutlery and then good manners. Do it however it works. For lots of people (myself included) it's easier to do that at an actual meal, while you're chatting as a family with no other distractions. For others that's not the best way, or even a natural way. It's the same as any 'feeding' question, do what works for you.

Meal times are important to me for "connecting".

Not intending to sound mean but you
Sound like you are "humble bragging" about your close bath chats. Isn't this exactly the same? You've achieved a connection through a nice bath chat, I achieve mine through nice meal times?

Can't people just do What works for them and their family dynamic?

YABU

We sit at the table and always have. It’s the one time of day where we check in on each other and see how the day has gone. It is vital to teach table manners for when DD goes out in to the world herself. It’s important to us.

If it’s not important to you then fine, don’t do it. But it isn’t your place to decide others are wrong (or bragging 🤨) because they do things differently to you.

Yanbu. I dreaded meal times when I was younger, I found sitting together at the same time so stuffy and boring.
I don't enjoy any social aspect of meal times and don't enforce this with my own family. We just do what suits us at the time and eat when hungry.
We have a table but sit there when we want.
Communication within our family is great and DC has fine manners and cutlery skills so I don't think there is only one way to do things.

They are extremely important to us. We eat family style twice a day. All.electronics are placed in the basket at the entrance of the dining room. Also,don't clutch your pearls too hard but the table is set twice a day

I never really understood this till I had a teenager. Now I see why lots of families insist on it and it does work for us to eat dinner together, no electronics. Still have pizza night in front of the TV now and then.

I'm an only child and grew up in a single parent household, we never had a dining room and just used to eat on the sofas. I'm now a single parent of an only child and we also eat on the sofas. When there's only 2 of you it seems silly and a bit formal to sit round the table for meals.

Important to me, my kids joined us at the table as soon as they could sit in a high chair, we ate together (same food from circa 9 months). I think it's incredibly important to have time where there's no tv, music etc. And yes we discussed politics'.