Comments turned off during Facebook group regarding meal times

[Stella8686]

I had just written my comment and by the time I sent it comments had turned off. So same question phrased differently

AIBU to not think family dinners are as important as the 'humble braggers' like to make out.

Someone asked if people's 4 yo sit at the table?

Then come all the humble brags. "Mine have since they were 9 months and sign please and thank you and finished. There are no electronics and we discus current affairs" etc

Is it only me who places no importance on these times? It's only the two of us here me and my 7 yo DD.

Last night I ate sanding up in the kitchen waiting for my online fitness class to start and cleaning up (martial arts) she was in front of the tv

We do sometimes eat together but tv is usually on

We have a really close bond and had a lovely chat last night while she was in the bath about boyfriends and what makes a good one! It came up because she was telling me who was boyfriend and girlfriend at her school! 7 year olds! She's never had one and isn't bothered but we had a good talk and I said it can be girlfriend and girlfriend.

Anyway I rambled a bit

AIBU to think family dinners are not of high importance?

Yes: UABI they are important
No: YANBI they are not important

We have always eaten at the table, I don't know if that contributes to good table manners though - I think that's just luck of the draw when you're at the toddler stage!

We do chat about our day, but DD is most likely to say if something is bothering her when we are in the car or in a restaurant. DD and I had a haircut yesterday (bliss!) and she said she'd missed being in the car with the radio/music, singing along and chatting.

If we are out with a group of people, I let DD use her electronic devices after we've eaten - at the toddler stage, I used to pull all kinds of books/magazines/aquadraw out of my bag to keep her occupied. Pick your battles! No point in putting them off meals out if it means listening to adults talk about subjects which are boring for that age group!

We do use the dining table a lot for homework (DD has done her months of homeschooling there) and other stuff such as crafts and games, not just eating. It is a well-used space*. I'd say DH's family were more strict about eating at the table than mine and one of his siblings didn't have a dining table for years - it really is personal preference, just do what suits you and your family.

• I see some American home vloggers with dining tables beautifully set all the time, with plates, cutlery and decorations - they never seem to have maths books all over it, a game or a sewing machine

We do sometimes sit together it's just not high on my importance list

We didn't do meals around the table growing up, dad always ate in front of the TV and mum sometimes ate with us. We only had a table with 4 seats and there were 5 of us growing up. To be honest, it was fine BUT I do wish we'd eaten around the table together. To talk about current affairs etc... i think it would have helped with my general knowledge of things going on.
I hope to do it with my own kids, but probably not every day.

Meal times are really important to us. We all eat tea together in the evenings, me dh, 6yo and 11month old. No screens and we talk. I absolutely love it, it's the one time we always make sure we reconnect and spend time all together. I also always eat breakfast and lunch at the table with the kids.

Just a suggestion - perhaps you could have a Special Meal once a week as an Occasion for you both. Make a ceremony of setting the table to look extra nice, special plates and sit down together. Send an invitation to teddy or doll to dine at the table with you. Doesn't need to be a fancy meal. Beans on toast would be fine. Prepare it together. Daughter can play hostess to you and her guest.

OP, you're still calling them humble braggers, so clearly you don't really believe 'each to their own' or you'd stop saying that!

Some research on the matter:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3498594/

But if you really thought "each to their own" then you wouldn't be saying the things you're saying lol!

I like the idea of family mealtimes, but in practice I don't enjoy it very much, so we've never tended to do it. Except when we have visitors, which we do a lot. Plus DD is vegetarian and does a lot of her own cooking. But we do other stuff together.

Thanks all, it's probably because it's just the two of us here meal times aren't important. We have a really good bond.

Each to your own, enjoy your dinners!

We're out to our martial arts class tonight (outside, one on one socially distant? We both do it. She'll end up with a packed lunch in the car! I'll eat by myself later on IN PEACE! 🤣

As a child we never ate tea/ dinner as a family during the week, us kids ate when we got in from school (and when I went to secondary school an hour away and didn't get home until 5pm my sisters ate before me) then Mum would eat when she came in from work at about 6, and Dad might eat with her, or before. We all ate our tea in front of the TV. On Sundays however we would eat en famille at the dining table at lunch time with a roast or whatever, and at tea time on Saturday although that might be in front of the TV again. I don't think I was ruined by eating most of my meals by myself in front of the TV (other people would be in the room just not eating) although I have to say my table manners aren't great; but I do have very fond memories of Sunday lunches when we would chat, laugh, and thank whoever cooked dinner.

In our family now me and DH both work from home so theoretically we can all eat together in the evenings, and we usually do. However it is not like it was when I was little, there is usually more arguing, the kids get on DH's nerves, it is constant "sit properly! concentrate on your food!", they won't chat pleasantly but instead just make silly noises or bicker with each other, and sometimes we decide the kids can eat earlier and we will eat when they go to bed. So maybe it is better to eat most meals separately and just together every so often so it is more special!

I think it’s a good time to connect, however we tend to only do it once or twice a week as the children wouldn’t eat most of the things we prefer. So they tend to eat their dinner together most days, and then we eat together.
We didn’t sit down as a family much when I was a child, we were just given dinner and we sat wherever we wished. I feel a bit sad when I hear how DH and his family ate at the table and chatted most days when he lived at home, we only did it at Christmas and when we had visitors.

We almost always sit down on a Sunday and have a roast/lasagne/cottage pie together though, it’s a good time to talk about what’s going on with each other properly/how their week has been without any distractions. That being said the eldest is 3 and the youngest 9 months, so it’s not an in depth conversation. 😂

I think if it’s just the two of you, then you probably spend a decent amount of time together anyway and therefore it’s less important where you sit, as you likely communicate well regardless of where you are.

It’s important to me. DD and I have eaten the majority of meals together from the outset.

I’m a single parent too so DD also gets plenty of 1-2-1 attention at other times as well but to me this isn’t just about attention.

Social meals are a cultural norm with my family and friends so I want it to be something DD can enjoy as well.

DD is a messy eater so I’m not saying eating together produces perfect dining behaviour but she eats a very wide range of food, is interested in it and enjoys the social aspect of it. On the few occasions I give her an early dinner on her own she’s always slightly disappointed that we’re not eating together.

@Stella8686

Thanks all, it's probably because it's just the two of us here meal times aren't important. We have a really good bond.

Each to your own, enjoy your dinners!

We're out to our martial arts class tonight (outside, one on one socially distant? We both do it. She'll end up with a packed lunch in the car! I'll eat by myself later on IN PEACE! 🤣

Oh dear

With every post you're making your self-doubt as a parent, more and more apparent.

If you're truly happy with your mealtimes the way they are and the bond you have with your child, you don't need to convince anyone. Especially not internet randoms!

Never has the phrase 'You do you' been more fitting.

@Tinamou you haven't read the posts on Facebook group. Some of them weren't even that humble and to be fair I felt sorry for the children of these adults. But that's probably an unfair judgement

We have a really good bond.

You seem intent on hammering home to us that you don’t need to eat together because you have such a great bond as though that’s unique to you.

I would imagine most people here have a ‘really good bond’ with their kids.

Its important to keep because it the beat way to get the kids to eat their dinner and not just pick at it! Also,its time for just us. We are usually so busy with work, clubs and schools but we always make time for meals together.

Breakfast is really our "big" meal though; pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast, fruit salads yoghurt and nuts all go on the table and we sit together for about an hour. Dinner is more rushed due to going out to sports clubs in the evenings. We do what works for us. You do what works for you.

They’re important to us! We (nearly) always eat at the table as a family and we do have conversations about a lot of different things.

Other families do things differently and value different things.

Either way isn’t better than the other....

You really think it’s bragging to say that you sit at the table with your children without electronics and chat over dinner? Surely that’s just a pretty standard thing

As a child the only time we ate at the table was xmas day and birthdays, I loved it and always wished we did it more. It felt so lovely going to friends houses and sitting around talking over a meal just on a normal day! DS is only 7m but we already have a no phones at the table rule when he’s at the table so that it is just the norm growing up for him. And plan to sit down together and eat for most meals. I think it’s nice to have a regular chance each day to get together and talk.

Am I the only one that wants to know the Facebook group now? It sounds hilarious.

You should teach her the routine and ritual of eating in a companionable way. We never as a family and I was so embarrassed when I went to friend's houses and wasn't used to eating together at the table.

I was self conscious and shy about it.

All I would say op is I'd try and teach her conscious eating rather than engrossed in cbbc just putting food in mouthful after mouthful, she'll end up with a healthier attitude to food

Our parents were quite 'strict'..No one could start until everyone had been served, and, one had to ask ''Please may I leave the table?''

Then came the inevitable ''Would you like to wash up, [name]?''
As I was the only girl, my brothers often got to go to bed as they were younger.
Definitely no books were allowed on the table to read while eating..

My DS and I used to always eat together, until he left home..the TV was on, but we'd chat.

Communication is the key...Having a device on the table is a real no no when one is with others...as is reading a book .

It is important to have basic ''table manners''....At a cafe/food place we used to go to , one sees Kids running riot, sometimes even across the {close together} tables......It can be chaos. The parents of these children seem to not care at all, and are lost in their phones.

European children seem to have better ''table manners'' {eg, in public restaurants} for some reason...Maybe it is a cultural thing?