Comments turned off during Facebook group regarding meal times

[Stella8686]

I had just written my comment and by the time I sent it comments had turned off. So same question phrased differently

AIBU to not think family dinners are as important as the 'humble braggers' like to make out.

Someone asked if people's 4 yo sit at the table?

Then come all the humble brags. "Mine have since they were 9 months and sign please and thank you and finished. There are no electronics and we discus current affairs" etc

Is it only me who places no importance on these times? It's only the two of us here me and my 7 yo DD.

Last night I ate sanding up in the kitchen waiting for my online fitness class to start and cleaning up (martial arts) she was in front of the tv

We do sometimes eat together but tv is usually on

We have a really close bond and had a lovely chat last night while she was in the bath about boyfriends and what makes a good one! It came up because she was telling me who was boyfriend and girlfriend at her school! 7 year olds! She's never had one and isn't bothered but we had a good talk and I said it can be girlfriend and girlfriend.

Anyway I rambled a bit

AIBU to think family dinners are not of high importance?

Yes: UABI they are important
No: YANBI they are not important

I think when it’s just 2 if you for the majority of the time it’s understandable that mealtimes aren’t as significant.
In our family it was/is important because it’s a time when we are all together, to teach them table manners (personal preference), to teach social skills and talk about all kinds of topics.

I would say, on average, we sit together 6/7 nights a week. Everybody has a turn at cooking (implemented at the beg of lockdown but an extension of the Y13 rule we had) and we enjoy trying new recipes.

We have a tiny house with no space for a table, so meals are always eaten on the sofa in front of the TV. It's not the end of the world but I would much prefer to be able to have proper family meals round a table.

I've found that eating on the sofa with the tv in means my DD eats slower and isn't as confident as she should be with cutlery.

A bigger house with a nice dining room is very high on my wish list!

We eat together but not always at the table

Is it bragging to say that your children eat at the table with you?

Do what suits you.

Growing up in the 80s/90s, it was always family dinners. I honestly can't think of a single meal that I didn't eat sat at the table with the family.

I think part of it though, was that my mum was a SAH mum, so it was just her routine to cook meals at set times, for all the family.

Nowadays, both my DH and I work (I'm part time), but do some odd hours. Our 3 year old twins are at nursery until 3, and are usually starving by 4:40/5:00, so I do them a dinner then. But DH isn't home until nearer 7. So we'll do the bath and bed routine when he gets home, and then he and I will have our dinner about 7:30.

Then come all the humble brags. "Mine have since they were 9 months and sign please and thank you and finished. There are no electronics and we discus current affairs" etc

That part made me laugh, it's such a humble brag.

Yanbu. Family dinners sitting at a table for every meal aren't as common anymore as people like to think. They used to be, but not anymore. You can easily sit in front of a TV on a couch, eat your dinner and still have a conversation. We did it for years when I was growing up. Still knew table manners in a restaurant better than the children who sat at a table their whole lives.

Each family is different with different ideas of normal, so for some meal times will be very important family time and there should be no electronics etc - but for others it won’t be as vital and they might have the tablets on and do other things as a family so not consider meal times in the same way. And sometimes families do a mix of both!

They are important to me, we starting eating together at the table pretty much as soon as DD was weaned.

Its important to me, but doesn't have to be for everyone. It was only me and DD when she was little but we still sat together and we still do now she is a teen. Were possible I tend to put something in the middle and we help ourselves, and she always asks to be excused and we then tidy up together. She has always been complimented at restaurants for her manners and behaviour (particularly when younger but someone said earlier this year shes polite for not being on her phone during dinner), I think much of that is due to the fact that she learnt to wait to speak with company (rather than talk over everyone) and how to enjoy food with others. But she may have always been like this regardless of the routines I set at home so I guess I will never know!

It doesn't have to be important to you, like you said you have other times of the day that mean more. We all have times that feel special and they could be different for everyone and are always changing(when Dd was little it was definitely bath and bedtime that felt the most important time). But now as a teen its dinner or when she wants a drive and we just talk as we enjoy some scenery.

Mine sat at a table with us from when she was tiny. This is not a brag, it's a fact. It was important to me that she grew up with table manners, ability to sit at a table for a length of time, got an interest in a range of food. I did what was important to me, if that is bragging, it says more about you than it does about me.

You do what suits your family, but I do think kids should learn how to sit at a table and have good manners, behave when they’ve finished if others are still eating (for a reasonable amount of time depending on their age). They don’t have to do it three times every day, but they should be able to do it.

You need to be careful, @Stella8686, if you’re worried about being outed IRL - I’d just seen the same FB thread and it was easy to pick your comment out.

As there’s only two of you, you can spend the time chatting and catching up at other times - as you said, bath time etc.

If you had a DP or another child, chances are they wouldn’t also be sitting there in the bathroom having that chat, or consider that in a couple of years she won’t want you sat there while she’s in the bath. You might chat in the car taking her to activities, but when you have 3 DCs and getting them all ready and out the door is a big job in itself, when you get in the car you might just want some peace, rather than starting heavy conversations that end in them squabbling!

Sometimes dinner time is the only time the whole family sits down together, instead of being on phones and tablets, in front of the TV or whatever, so while it works ok in your family, for many of us, a formal dinner time around the table is the only chance for everyone to catch up in the day.

@NameChange84 what are your reasons for thinking super important?

To me it's a conformist thing about making them behave how you want them too. Like mini adults.

I'm only interested in her getting nutrition. She has a small appetite and takes ages to eat so tv it is

I think if there's 2 of you and you're home sahp or wfh or furlough it's easy to find that 121 time in other places.
If there's 5 of you, fill time woh jobs, school, hobbies, friends then making that time is more important and mealtimes are the easy way to it because everyone wants to eat.

@Elledouble have just deleted the Facebook one! Being outed about mealtimes I could deal with! Some of my dating posts maybe not! 🙈

That Facebook lockdown group is extremely competitive. There are loads of good ideas but the main posters are trying to outdo each other.
Theyre hatching tropical insects at the moment - apart from being cruel it's not the best idea after what we've been through this year!

We all ate round the table when I was growing up, and we did the same with our kids. It’s just what worked for us.
Lots of people don’t have space to do that, or schedules don’t allow it. You do what works for you🤷🏼‍♀️

2 wfh adults who are pretty much constantly on call and 1 child means that yes for dinner times we have an electronics off and sit down together rule. We enforce it because it is the one time of the day that we can guarantee that the child has both of ours undivided attention, she gets plenty of attention but not often can we guarantee it is both of us together.

It's what works for us, don't really care what other people do.

To me it's a conformist thing about making them behave how you want them too. Like mini adults

It’s nothing to do with ‘conforming’ for us, although I don’t see learning to eat nicely at the table as a bad thing, even if that does mean ‘conforming’.
It’s more the fact that my DC say they prefer eating as a family.

I don't think conforming to good table manners is a bad thing!

This is a weird one because everyone is telling you it's fine for people to do things differently, yet you still seem defensive and are slagging off the traditional way of doing things! There's no need. Nobody here is judging you - why are you judging other people's choices?

@Stella8686

I trained to be an educational psychologist originally.

The psychological and emotional importance and benefits of structured, family mealtimes are huge.

Here’s some easily accessible information;

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/m/mealtimes-and-mental-health

journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1941406409353188

www.raisealegend.com/benefits-from-eating-family-meals/

Yes it's important to us to sit down with the kids and eat most nights.

I said 'To me'

My childhood was being forced to these family dinners and as someone else has said, I didn't enjoy them when I was younger.

I totally understand it being more important for bigger families.

The Facebook humble braggers annoyed me hence the AIBU

Each to their own

AIBU to think family dinners are not of high importance?

To who?

To you = YANBU because they obviously aren't.

To other people = YABU because it's not for you to decide.