Comments turned off during Facebook group regarding meal times

[Stella8686]

I had just written my comment and by the time I sent it comments had turned off. So same question phrased differently

AIBU to not think family dinners are as important as the 'humble braggers' like to make out.

Someone asked if people's 4 yo sit at the table?

Then come all the humble brags. "Mine have since they were 9 months and sign please and thank you and finished. There are no electronics and we discus current affairs" etc

Is it only me who places no importance on these times? It's only the two of us here me and my 7 yo DD.

Last night I ate sanding up in the kitchen waiting for my online fitness class to start and cleaning up (martial arts) she was in front of the tv

We do sometimes eat together but tv is usually on

We have a really close bond and had a lovely chat last night while she was in the bath about boyfriends and what makes a good one! It came up because she was telling me who was boyfriend and girlfriend at her school! 7 year olds! She's never had one and isn't bothered but we had a good talk and I said it can be girlfriend and girlfriend.

Anyway I rambled a bit

AIBU to think family dinners are not of high importance?

Yes: UABI they are important
No: YANBI they are not important

Both my DC sat at the table with us for meals from the time they started to be weaned and could sit up in a high chair. Even if one of us is at work (we work shifts) the other three will sit at the table together. No electronics, definitely no TV. If I already have Spotify playing in the background than that can stay on with the volume down. And we talk about all sorts.

This is our way. But god forbid you could admit this to some people without them accusing you of humble bragging. I think these people are just insecure.

There are definitely proven links between set family meals around a table and a healthier attitude towards eating and food. Personally I like family meal times and since we’ve all been at home for the last few months, I’ve found it (one of the few) benefits of lockdown. Sitting at the table together means I can teach my children to eat nicely, use their cutlery properly etc life skills they’ll need when they’re older. So, yes, it’s important to me. On the other hand I do have some sympathy with your OP. I can’t bear the perfect parent brigade, I’m not ashamed to admit that whilst we usually sit around the table and I do ban electronics, sometimes we don’t, sometimes my kids will sit and eat McDonald’s happy meals out of the boxes in the back of the car!

OP, you are protesting way too much!

Are you trying to convince strangers on the internet or yourself about the special bond, and the great relationship you have?

I would hate to eat my dinner standing alone in the kitchen but if it works for you go for it.

How can you eat standing up and then do exercise?!? You must have a cast iron stomach - that would give me horrendous indigestion 😂

We eat dinners round the table 90% of the time. Occasionally we will eat pizza and watch a movie on the sofa but mealtimes are really important to us. They aren't too strict (everyone starts as soon as they get their food) but we do have a no phone rule. It gives us an opportunity to chat about the day and we laugh a lot. It's not bragging but it is true. It's a really special memory for me. Lately as DD1 is getting older she has been allowed to eat in her room if she has a 'zoom' meeting planned with friends but that's only because we've been running late with cooking. It has taught both our kids table manners and the ability to sit round a table for big family events, weddings etc and it often provokes interesting conversation. I'm always amazed by a ten year old brain.

They're not perfect. Sometimes DD2 is messy or fussy about what she's eating but with otherwise busy lives it is lovely to come together. Plus when one of us has put the effort into creating a nice meal it's rewarding to see it enjoyed by others. And we also use it to teach them about chores. They set the table, being the water, clear the table and unload the dishwasher. They clear plates and as they get older they help prepare the food. But that is just our way.

With school age DC and a DH who comes in later in the evening, a family meal is an efficient way of catching up together.

Eating at a table is very helpful for a DC with dyspraxia too. I'm not having him spraying the livingroom with food! Much easier for him at a secure table and easier for me with wipe clean surfaces

Some of the benefits from family dinners can be found in other ways, particularly for small, young families, but generally eating together is a good thing.

@vinoelle I was running late! 🙈It was martial arts so not high cardio. Plus it takes about 10 minutes to get going once started but I like to be online and ready for it 😁 I don't eat big portions. I had already made it and didn't want to re-heat later

I thought research showed that eating together at the table resulted in healthier eating habits for example people eating less as they are concentrating more on the food rather than eating mindlessly etc. However that's on a population level not an individual level and if you're happy with it I don't see an issue.

I like it - for us, it's all so hectic that it's often the only time of the day we all just sit and chat - the kids are busy playing and one of us is normally trying to get jobs done otherwise.

I dont see it's a humble brag though - they were answering a question.

YABU for saying people are humble bragging if they do sit down together. Surely it's just their way.

It is important to me that we sit down together for dinner, i think it fosters good manners and eating habits. Plus me and my DH love food so we like that our DC feel the same!

Single parent here. Two children 7 and 10

Absolutely yes important, for us at least
And I think particularly important for single parent families

But i would focus first on changing your Judgmental stance on things OP as a higher priority.

Your “humble grab comment” shows how you view and describe people who have different ways of doing things than you OP

Bonding with your children and having time to talk is important. For some families dinner time is the only time they can do this, so for me, with teens, it's important. Sounds like you are doing the binding and communicating well at other times.

Meal times are important to me.

We sit at the table and phones aren’t allowed (I think it’s terribly bad manners to have them at a table) I expect good table manners.

I once went for a meal with partner’s niece. Her table manners were awful. She had one leg on the other seat, phone in hand and eating with one hand. She looked like she was eating at a social gathering, not at a family meal. If my daughter had done that, I’d be fuming.

As they grow, a shared meal often the only remaining group communication opportunity in a large family, dwindling through the teen years until they move out. But as you know, mealtime isn't the only time you can connect with kids, esp. if life carries on being just you two. you don't have to feel guilty or like you are doing it wrong to not sit down together at a set mealtime every night.

I do think avoiding eating in front of the tv or other screens is good. Our rule was to eat in the dining room or kitchen, not in the lounge or bedrooms. Adults might bring a cup of tea or other beverage in the lounge. When my older kids were teens we had a 'great room' so eating in the kitchen area didn't disrupt their screen time much. But we moved here with only the youngest DS when he was 6 and he spent a few unhappy years having to pause shows and games. he discovered drinking tea on his P7 class trip, so now he follows grown up rules, which almost immediately expanded to biscuits or snack things in the lounge after dinner. Then we set up a table in the lounge to create 2 WFH spots. our habits of eating at our desk at work followed us home. DS desk is in his room so now he is eating at that desk. Life has gone all to hell since March, hasn't it?

OTOH. Sitting together at table to share a meal is the easiest time to teach all the ceremonial etiquette rules other people will eventually expect her to perform when eating. We do eat together most nights, but since we are only 3, we don't have to pass dishes. my DS just turned 12 was clueless last year at a big family reunion brought about because of my mother's passing. He was standing and stretching to reach reach across to take dishes he wanted. He had no idea about the whole passing dishes round the table for first servings, and asking for and waiting for dishes to be passed later. It just hadn't come up, between the three of us. Half the time, I fill the plates in the kitchen and we don't even use serving dishes at the table. He learned quick after being embarrassed majorly. He now thinks my uncle, his great uncle, is an ogre for calling him out for the reaching when in reality Uncle T is a very laid back hippy kind of guy, who was just shocked to see a nearly adult sized boy behaving like he never learned the etiquette of serving dishes. which he hadn't.

This doesn't have to be nightly dinner though. You could create a once a week special mealtime when the two of you set the table and share food and you teach table manners. Could be a Sunday Brunch that you prep for the day before, or a Saturday Tea (not tea as in dinner, but tea as in using a pot and cups and saucers and a three tier serving plate with sandwiches and cakes.) or just put takeaway on plates with cutlery and table linens instead of eating out of the plastic containers. Or, have 'date night' somewhere slightly nicer than fast food, where she has to use cutlery and eat neatly. You can relate the whole thing to a story or show she likes.

Do it now when it can be a fun game to teach most of it. sooner than you think, trying to purposefully teach such things will be an exercise in eye-rolling futility. DS now 13 has much to say about the ruling classes vs. the working classes when the subject of etiquette and politeness comes up, whereas last summer after the funeral trip, he was still more malleable.

The humble brag was specific to the Facebook group.

The OP simply asked if your 4 y/o sat at the table? She didn't say if hers did of if she was struggling.

She got long braggy posts as a result. (Not from everyone)

Mine was a "no, not very often" and a bit more. I read the other posts and starting writing a longer post but then comments were turned off.

Some of them were very braggy and long and making a big deal of it...

Hence me coming on here

Sorry just checked she asked

Any tips?

But didn't really get many that I could see. Just a lot of bragging not that helpful for her

Meal times are important in our house. It's the only time during the week that my daughters get to sit and chat to dh properly. My 5yo is good as gold at the table, however when she was the age her little sister is now (2) she was allowed to get up and would keep wondering back for bites. By 3 she'd happily set through the whole meal. I hate electronics at the table I think it's really rude

There's a lot of science behind the premise of sitting down without distraction to eat leading to feeling more satisfied by your food, and reduce overeating.

I think it's important, and I can't stand it when I see a family sat down to eat a meal, all staring at tablets and phones.

We sit together as a family for our main meal, as we enjoy it.

My 3 year old can come and go as he pleases, though, but usually likes to sit up and join in the conversation (he didn't today; too busy turning his tricycle into a motorbike.

We have a nice (albeit cluttered) dining room, though, so it's actually more pleasant to eat in there than anywhere else in the house.

I personally hate eating in front of the TV but we don’t sit at the table all the time (it’s currently covered in piles of books as I have dismantled and rearranged their shelves and not yet put anything back. Can’t be arsed with it today, either)

I do genuinely prefer it, as it’s one of the few times a week my largely fragmented family sit and talk, but I also don’t think it’s the end of the world if the youngest two have the odd beige tea in front of Netflix or the oldest eats a takeaway on his way home.

Its important to me we have at least one meal a day all at the table, though both of us being able to work from home we can sometimes have more meals all at the table. We do have a rule for no electronics at the table because I prefer the children talk to us about their day.

Then come all the humble brags. "Mine have since they were 9 months and sign please and thank you and finished. There are no electronics and we discus current affairs" etc

Surprised that no-one else is commenting on the fact that the stars of the OP are apparently teaching their offspring baby sign language.

(*or are Deaf)

I get that it may have a benefit to how full you feel, how you eat, your relationship with food, etc. I'm not sure that it offers anything socially, assuming you have other times to sit and talk. It's not eating together specifically that provides a chance to wind down, talk about the day and bond with your children. Just so happens that it's a good opportunity for that, especially when you have more than one child. But if you're doing that at other times anyway, then I don't think doing it at mealtimes is of any specific importance, no.