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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Urgent DH refused Annual Leave for next 2 weeks.

269 replies

booboo57 · 21/07/2020 08:11

Works starts on house on Monday. Two weeks leave requested over a month ago. Just got message that next week is full so cant have it off. Make a fuss or just call in sick?
He a trainer but since Covid he's been working nights which he hates. He was in tears with the stress of it all. Dont know what to advise.

OP posts:
AnneOfQueenSables · 21/07/2020 15:02

Otoh you're saying he needs a holiday and is stressed. Otoh you're saying he needs to be off because you're having work done on the house.
If this is the first time, he's ever been refused AL then he's very lucky. August holidays are always a feat of negotiation and it usually starts at the beginning of the year, not the month before.
But if he's stressed, unhappy and doesn't want to do nights, he needs to put his request back to days in writing or resign.

Ellisandra · 21/07/2020 15:02

Prize for @RandyLionandDirtyDog for least relevant dragging in of Brexit on MN today Grin

Itwasntme101 · 21/07/2020 15:08

I haven't rtft so not sure if anyone else has asked this. You say he agreed to do nights and driving temporarily to assist the company, does this mean he is actually contracted to do days? If so would advising them he is no longer able to assist with the night driving and will be going back to his contracted hours/duties be an option?

tttigress · 21/07/2020 15:13

Is he really taking annual leave, just so that his sleep isn't interrupted by the builders?

I would have thought that was a real waste of annual leave (though I can see why he is not happy about being given leave after 4 months if permanent nights to help with Covid).

Might be easier to find a hotel for a week, then start looking for a new job.

LonginesPrime · 21/07/2020 15:31

He was in tears with the stress of it all

OP, I'm sure it is a very stressful situation, but just wanted to reassure you that sleep deprivation and switching between day and night shifts often causes a drop in a person's emotional resilience which can lead to teariness.

I'm not suggesting he's not showing signs of stress, but just that the symptoms of sleep deprivation look similar. Still not ideal, but if he can get a few decent days' sleep, it would probably help him to be able to face the work issue.

I also think don't wake him up as he needs sleep if he's feeling that broken by it all, but perhaps he could email his manager (or leave a voicemail) to arrange a call just before his shift starts or first thing in the morning?

Original poster
booboo57 · 21/07/2020 15:36

Hello everyone
Here is an update and thank you for all your comments.
I was very upset this morning to see DH so upset and I apologise if my posts were not clear. I think it has bought to a head how stressed he has been working nights all this time. (and the effect it was having on me which I had not really acknowledged until I was writing this thread.)
So at lunchtime DH rang to speak with the manager, who was busy so leaft a message and also asked for the number of the union rep to get advice. Needless to say manager rang back pretty pronto. As advised, when speaking to manager he highlighted the need for a break as he was feeling very stressed after doing nights. Manager highlighted it was only the first 3 days of the leave he was having difficulty covering. DH offered to work first two days as long as he can have the remaning days and be put back on days. We are waiting for the manger to call back.
Incidently the Union rep thinks he would have grounds to raise a grievance for unfair treatment as the manager could have said weeks ago that the leave wasn't available rather than 3 working days before he was suposed to take it.
I think we need to have a chat about how stressed he's been. He was grumpy but I just thought he was tired I had no idea it was geting so bad. I think the key is that feels he's been taken advantage of and that "its not fair". As others have said as a HGV driver he is basically in charge of a leathal weapon and he needs to be rested and on top of his game to be safe.
Thank you once again for your advice and comments. It has helped.

OP posts:
Devlesko · 21/07/2020 15:38

It's summer holidays and people book their holidays months in advance.
There's a lot of unemployment atm, hundreds going for each job, I wouldn't piss an employer off, by calling in sick after being refused leave.

RandyLionandDirtyDog · 21/07/2020 16:09

@Devlesko

How is it irrelevant to the OP and her DH whether hundreds of people have lost their jobs?

Are these ‘Hundreds of jobless people’ qualified and experienced HGV drivers and they’re going to provide cover so that OP’s knackered husband can take some time off? If not, then your comment is pretty pointless.

As has been mentioned up thread, there are plenty of vacancies for good experienced HGV drivers.

@Ellisandra. Thank you. I await delivery of my prize. Halo

Ellisandra · 21/07/2020 16:13

@RandyLionandDirtyDog - you’ll like it. It’s a red retro passport cover for any blue passports Grin

Ellisandra · 21/07/2020 16:17

I’m glad that seems like a move forward, OP.

I’m not sure where the union rep gets this 3 working days notice from though? Your husband was told at the start of his Monday shift that his holiday for next Monday was not approved. That’s not 3 days.

rosiejaune · 21/07/2020 16:43

Even though it wasn't officially approved, they did imply it was unofficially, by talking about when he came back from his holiday. And it is stringing someone along to take so long to respond to a leave request. People need notice to plan in their personal lives too, it's not just work that needs time to organise things. Especially if they usually use agency staff to cover anyway.

So I think work were BU.

TrickyD · 21/07/2020 16:47

@Elisandra and Randylion

Plus a torn up ELIC card.

Original poster
booboo57 · 21/07/2020 16:48

He was told at 5 this morning at end of Tuesdays shift so 3 working days left in his week.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 21/07/2020 16:55

Right, you said that he went in last night to find out that it wasn’t approved, not this morning. I think you’re pushing it (well, union rep is pushing it, to call that 3 days notice, counting only working days). I think the stronger grievance is a month to let him have an answer. Although again it depends on the detail - as said upthread, were they trying to approve it but already had too many people off and made that clear to him, or did they just piss him about.

Smashtastic · 21/07/2020 17:10

Sounds like he holds all the cards OP. I'd be tempted to tell them that I was taking the holiday and that they would have to discipline me if they objected. I'd also be telling them I was going back on days or I'd be moving to another company.

Smashtastic · 21/07/2020 17:14

My friends DH is in a similar position at his workplace. He is the best they've got but he is a pushover and they know it. So they seriously take the piss out of him to his detriment.

Is your DH similar and really doesn't understand his own value?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/07/2020 17:40

Oh well 8 days leave is still a bit of a breather. Glad to hear youre both feeling better about it.

popandsqueak · 21/07/2020 17:41

@booboo57

Shunting isnt covered by tacho regs as it's in the yard on private property.
This would only apply if he hadn't been driving before. As he'd been driving on a public road before shunting this would require a tacho to be used and would form part of daily driving hours
Brefugee · 21/07/2020 19:16

That's a not bad outcome, OP - it seems his manager has really tried to come up with a solution (although it would have been better if he'd been upfront about this, it seems it came from a good place IYSWIM?)

I hope your DH can get some good rest and that he gets his day shifts again. Good luck with the building.

MulticolourMophead · 21/07/2020 20:04

@CiderJolly

His employer is behaving really unprofessionally- to dangle the annual leave like a carrot, get him to do extra unpaid work, delay giving an answer for a month only to say no at the last minute is shitty behaviour.

If you think he would have no problem getting another job quickly and you can afford a potential delay before next pay packet then yes I would phone in sick with stress/exhaustion.

This.

When I managed staff, I would never have been able to get away with not approving or rejecting leave for a month. That's really shitty behaviour.

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/07/2020 21:45

Why does your dh need leave because of building work? What has the building work to do with anything?

TheSoapyFrog · 22/07/2020 10:38

OP I'm glad your husband has got something sorted. It was unfair of them to not have notified him sooner if they knew.

Arkenfield3001 · 22/07/2020 17:36

Neither !

Don’t make a fuss - just accept it as a lesson learnt! Next time give a year’s notice especially if you’re vying for summer holiday periods ...

Definitely don’t call in sick !!! Work will see straight through that as he’s just had his leave declined...

Either reschedule the builders or find somewhere else for him to sleep in the day!

In the light of the big picture it’s hardly an URGENT crisis. Annoying for you yes but manageable ...

Oscarsdaddy · 22/07/2020 17:40

Shouldn’t really have made plans without getting leave approved first

Sounds harsh but it’s reality

MacBlank · 22/07/2020 17:52

Go to his drs (or whatwr the local rules are) and get signed off sick for a MONTH (IF YOU CAN AFFORD OR HE FETS SICK PAY) due to stress.

Most drs will do it for a one off. Then when work is completed, have an actual break.