Do many people think that ADHD is not real?

[Ilovecranberries]

Was having remote drinks with a friend and his wife yesterday. She's a secondary school teacher in a quite "rough" school (not in the UK). I was quite surprised when, discussing something quite abstract about how different people think and react differently, she had said quite breezily that the majority of teachers she knows "don't believe" in the existence of ADHD.
Incidentally, one of my children is currently being assessed for it, but it is not news that I had shared socially outside of my immediate family. I wasn't offended, but I wonder if it is actually a widespread view behind the closed doors?

@AhBallix " An almost constant churning in my stomach that I have forgotten something vitally important. "

This is the worst :( like constant low level stress.

I knew nothing about ADHD until less than a year ago. My oldest child's teacher asked if it was ok to get them assessed for some help, they can't focus or organise themselves like their peers. They can't complete work that they should be capable of (verbally show good knowledge, good at spelling etc).

ADHD wasn't mentioned, but when I searched for help with these problems, it came up. The list of problems matched almost exactly the things I've struggled with all my life.

As PP have said it is very hard to get a diagnosis in the UK. I spent 6 months waiting after I was referred before I (impulsively) went to a private psychiatrist instead.

I think by the time the process is complete, I'll have spent close to £1000 (luckily I have some savings) on the assessment, starting medication etc. I've been told I have primarily inattentive ADHD.

I haven't told many people yet, just a few close friends that I trust. The urge to overshare is real though!

Neither me nor my child were badly behaved at school. I talked too much and didn't complete my work in the expected time, was labelled a daydreamer from the very start of school. He isn't always so talkative, but has done a few crazy things so is maybe a bit more impulsive than me.
We both blurt out and interrupt a lot though, which drives DH nuts.

One thing common in people with ADHD is being told they're underachievers. Capable of much more if they just try harder. Even when you feel like you are trying really hard. :(

If you're lucky, when you tell someone they're interested to find out more. I'm reluctant to talk about it too much though, because of the stereotype of naughty kids being put on terrible drugs

I can't believe some of the ignorance on this thread. How can Mumsnet be so supportive and understanding of ASD but yet many posters think ADHD is either not really or a product a nurture?

I've been on Mumsnet nearly 12 years. There's always been a lot of eye-rolling about ASD too. You'll get periodic posts about how everyone on MN seems to have a kid with ASD. That's on the general boards, without the SN Boards I doubt eldest would have got the support in school he needed.
I do agree with ADHD it's straight to the jugular. (My 7 year old has ASD & ADHD). My 7 year old has disruptive and challenging behaviour. He's also the only one of my 4 who has such difficulties in school. My eldest is autistic but he is passive in presentation.

There's some incredibly knowledgeable, kind and helpful posters on MN wrt SEND.

@GreytExpectations

I can't believe some of the ignorance on this thread. How can Mumsnet be so supportive and understanding of ASD but yet many posters think ADHD is either not really or a product a nurture?

Sadly because there’s still a great deal of ignorance out there.

There is a lot of information on ADHD on the web. Search for ADDIS. or look up Professor Peter Hill on You Tube. There is some good research information from the US also. Just google it.

ADHD is not part of the autistic spectrum. It has some cross over in symptoms (e.g. difficulties with the executive functions). However it is very common for people with Autism to also have ADHD, but they are separate neurodeveopmental disorders - both of which require an assessment and diagnosis by a proper doctor -- not a teacher/SENCO (unless he or she also happens to be a doctor with an expertise in neurodevelopment disorders).

Whilst i appreciate those of you who know about adhd probably want to scream reaading this thread - i feel much better informed so thanks to those who explained what its like. My DS has autism, the other condition often blamed on parenting - but it is more widely recognised.

More information on Autism and ADHD here.

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/related-conditions/adhd.aspx

My dd has ADHD and Autism....... She's 21 now and recently progressed to going to a shop alone.

This was a big step for her and involved a lot of planning.

All went well until she decided she wanted a pet cow from the farmers fix, she can't see past having one and hops over the fence at every opportunity she gets.

She can't control the impulsivity, it's almost a fixation. Obviously this is a huge, safety risk so we're back at square one now. Sanctions, rewards etc do not work. She has to walk past this lane to get to the shop md each time all she sees is the cows. And how she wants a pet cow. She doesn't see danger. Or even how she's going to get the damn cow from the field to her house.

She's hilarious. And we love her dearly but there's no denying the fact her ADHD has had an awful, impact on her life.

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo I'm not sure that's the adhd to be fair. I think most people know the difference between seeing a cow (cute) and deciding to take one (not a good idea) even with adhd.

What is with all the deleted posts on this thread? I've never seen that happen before

I feel like I have learnt a lot about ADHD from reading through this and my heart goes out to all your children and you parents who suffer from it. In my opinion even though I don't know anybody personally who has it, of course it is real. The people claiming it isn't are the ones who roll their eyes at invisible illnesses, or mental health issues.

@Vodkacranberryplease I think the fact she's 21 and only just progressed to going to the shop down the road should be enough to suggest she has a lot of needs. 🙄

It is her ADHD which causes the impulsivity. She cannot see past that fixation. Take away the ADHD and that lack of impulsive control and everything else is there to enable her to go to the shop unsupported.

As it is ADHD medication also made my dd very aggressive, it helped with the impulsivity but replaced it with a lot of negative behaviours. As it stands she is unmedicated.

Behaviour wise she's fine, in fact she's an ardent rule follower. She just cannot get past this one fixation.

Im now fixated on the cow too! Would you be able to bring one home until the novelty wore off? Like ask a farmer to bring it round for a play date. Or would you get stuck with a cow. My sister brought a horse home once but i guess they move around normally.

@wagtailred she lives in supported accommodation with carers. I don't think they'd be too happy to have a cow poking it's head out the garage 😂😂😂🐄

She's used to cows and thinks because the ones she knows are friendly they all are and they're all friendly at all times for that matter. But obviously that isn't the case.

Yes the accommodation probably wouldnt be impressed! My son does equine therapy and we have a bit of pressure for a sheep to come home with us. At least they are smaller.

I confess I haven’t read the whole thread as it’s just too depressing. Just the first few and last few pages.

We didn’t pursue DS’s diagnoses; he was being assessed for ASD (which he also has) and the additional diagnosis of ADHD took us by surprise, although in retrospect it makes lots of sense. Like AhBalix’s son he’s not disruptive and is actually a golden child at his school (his teacher rated him “outstanding” for behaviour and attitude in his latest school report, and called him a “wonderful role model”) but he does fidget, rock, hum and sing constantly and takes “movement breaks” at school so he can let some of the energy out without annoying his classmates. We / school / CAMHs caseworker all feel medication is unnecessary at this point as it isn’t affecting his academic performance (other than atrocious handwriting and a slapdash approach to SPaG) or behaviour.

Adults generally comment on how articulate and polite he is, and I’m fairly open about his diagnosis because he confounds the lazy and ignorant stereotypes too many people hold about the condition.

It's the same adults that don't believe it's real who get frustrated at work when their coworker zones out in meetings and then doesn't know what was discussed, is always late and disorganised or didn't deal with that email you told her to while she was doing something else and forgot to chase up that phone call or didn't get the number of that woman you need to call back so you can't be arsed to work with her because you 'can't tolerate stupid' so instead you degrade them and make out their an idiot and you're just flabbergasted because what is wrong with them?

Well they are trying to tell you but nobody wants to listen because it's easier to write them off as thick or not suitable for the job.

Interestingly on the ASD / ADHD overlap, the clinical psychologist who ran the cygnet course we attended felt that ADHD was probably part of the autism spectrum and that the diagnoses would be merged at some point.

I love how people keep referring to medication as an “easy fix”.

If the problem were poor parenting and bad behaviour, how would prescribing a stimulant fix anything?

I can't believe some of the ignorance on this thread. How can Mumsnet be so supportive and understanding of ASD but yet many posters think ADHD is either not really or a product a nurture?

They're not really that supportive of ASD either and think it is also not real, a result of nurture, overdiagnosed, used as an excuse for poor parenting, etc - essentially all of the views seen on this thread. You only have to look one of the periodical "unpopular opinions" threads that pop up from time to time, by the end of page two there will have been at least one post stating that ASD is the result of shit parenting.

What is with all the deleted posts on this thread? I've never seen that happen before

That's where some of the more hateful posts have been deleted

Good point @SinkGirl. I think it's down to a misconception that ADHD medication is actually a sedative? Whereas, like you say, giving a neurotypical, naughty child stimulants would end in carnage!

I think the hardest part is that the mocking and ridicule can inevitably cause social anxiety but then what do you do about that?
No amount of learning to accept who you are will change the fact other people will not accept how you are and you are forced to be someone you can't be and live in a way which is not natural but it is to everyone else so that's the only acceptable way to be and it makes life impossible for those that don't function like them, it's exhausting.

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo I am very well familiar with the challenges of ADHD. This isn't one. Unfortunately it doesn't always come on it's own - but she's probably an animal lover and that might be a way for her to get help. Equine therapy as suggested? There's something very safe and solid about cows - they are actually a great animal.

There's a woman in America (the cow whisperer) who 'knows' what they are thinking. They use her to make the cows lives less stressful (I won't say where.)

There are two types of stimulant - I would try the other, or try the other meds. Though amoxetine can make people stressed/aggressive. Or it could be dosage (slightly too much). Or try taking with prozac. And take her off hormonal contraception and onto the (non hormonal) coil. That made a huge difference for me.

I can tell you that the private docs often will try and do things the nhs (all about saving money) won't

@ChockyBicky you are right. Here's what does work to some extent.
1 tell no one. And I mean no one. They use it against you
2 get meds. Go private if you have to (easy to switch to the nhs once diagnosed and settled) to get meds. They make you about 60% more NT than you were.
3 try and set up some backups. I've got my front door keys covered after a million years finally by buying a locked key box and putting my keys back before I finish getting inside the house.
4 find a well paid job you are great at and pay people to be organised for you. Adhd has some benefits and there are things you can do others can't. Jobs where being organised etc are not the focus. Keep away from 'lady jobs' which are all about being a good mummy and therefore okay to your weaknesses.

I meant play to your weakness!