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Original poster

Competing baby shower - should I say something?

85 replies

jesusandjollof · 19/07/2020 21:40

One of my oldest friends (let’s call her Philippa), asked her best friend (Cleo) and I to throw her a socially distanced baby shower. We’ve planned a nice outdoor event for 20 guests (on a 3-acre plot of land - we know there’s still a deadly virus in the air!) Philippa's husband mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that another of her friends (Becky) contacted him to ask him if there was a baby shower being planned, and he told her that there was, and to get in touch with me or Cleo if she wanted to help as we were planning it.
Cleo sent the invitations out, and she and Becky had a lovely chat about the plans and how exciting it is that Philippa is having a baby.

Philippa sent a text to Cleo today to ask if Becky had mentioned to her that she was planning a separate baby shower (she hadn’t, and they spoke at length a few days ago). Becky has organised another shower and has invited half of the same guests (Cleo and I are not invited which is fine, but I thought it was an odd thing to do).

Cleo says it feels somehow personal, as Becky has form for almost competing for Sandra's friendship. At Philippa's hen weekend a few years ago (I couldn’t attend due to health issues), Becky completely took over and sidelined Cleo, and other friends who were there told me that whenever Cleo was out of earshot, Becky and other members of her friendship circle would call Cleo ‘shit-show’ - completely juvenile, ‘mean girl’ behaviour.

Cleo is upset about it, Philippa finds the whole thing a little awkward, and I think it's unnecessary. Would I Be Unreasonable to ask Becky what she is playing at?

OP posts:
Original poster
jesusandjollof · 19/07/2020 21:42

Goodness, it's a bit of a long read! Thank you in advance to anyone who reads the whole post!

OP posts:
Teacaketotty · 19/07/2020 21:43

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DramaDromedary · 19/07/2020 21:44

Who is Sandra?

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 19/07/2020 21:44

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NotIncandescentWithRage · 19/07/2020 21:45

Who is Sandra?

ScottishStottie · 19/07/2020 21:47

Im guessing sandra is one of the people involved's real name, missed in the changing...

What does phillipa think about it all? Surely its on her to say to becky that theres no meed for another baby shower, as cleo has already organised on?

MalificentJones · 19/07/2020 21:47

I wouldn’t bother as surely one of the guests who had been invited to both will say ‘I’m already going to the baby shower for Phillippa’ or something along those lines and she will have to say that this is a different one!

Did she ask Phillipa if she could throw her a party? Surely you can’t just have a party for someone else without asking them.

But no, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s weird but it’s not for you to sort out.

Shizzlestix · 19/07/2020 21:48

Sandra=Phillippa, I think. I think I’d ignore.

PurpleDaisies · 19/07/2020 21:48

It’s not your problem, it’s Philippa’s. Or Sandra’s.

I blame Edna personally.

rainbowunicorn · 19/07/2020 21:49

You all sound as if you are about 12 rather than women old enough to be married and have babies

NavyBerry · 19/07/2020 21:50

Hmm and what are the guests going to do? Say that the presents had already been given at your baby shower party? This is awkward

Original poster
jesusandjollof · 19/07/2020 21:51

@ScottishStottie

Im guessing sandra is one of the people involved's real name, missed in the changing...

What does phillipa think about it all? Surely its on her to say to becky that theres no meed for another baby shower, as cleo has already organised on?

Yes, it's a fail! Sandra is Philippa - nevermind. Phillipa finds the situation awkward but doesn't like confrontation. She was really disappointed with how Cleo was treated at her hen, but didn't say anything to Becky and co. I don't particularly like confrontation either but wondered if it was worth saying something.
OP posts:
ShyTown · 19/07/2020 21:54

It doesn’t seem like Philippa finds it that awkward, otherwise she would have told Becky she already has a shower organised and that she’s not a diva and doesn’t need 2. You can’t throw someone a party unless they’re on board with it. What unnecessary drama from the pair of them, are you sure Philippa isn’t not so secretly loving the competition for her friendship?

Original poster
jesusandjollof · 19/07/2020 21:54

@MalificentJones

I wouldn’t bother as surely one of the guests who had been invited to both will say ‘I’m already going to the baby shower for Phillippa’ or something along those lines and she will have to say that this is a different one!

Did she ask Phillipa if she could throw her a party? Surely you can’t just have a party for someone else without asking them.

But no, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s weird but it’s not for you to sort out.

She didn't ask Philippa if she could plan her a party but asked her if she was free on a certain date, and then mentioned later that they'd be having a baby shower on this date.
OP posts:
Scout2016 · 19/07/2020 21:55

I can't get past someone asking people to throw them a baby shower.

WhatOnEarth67 · 19/07/2020 21:55

Are you all 12 years old?

Spidey66 · 19/07/2020 21:55

Do people really ask someone else to organise a baby shower for them?

I’m not really into them but thought it was the etiquette to organise it for the mum but not to be asked. If you’re asking someone to do a baby shower for you, that to me is grabby.

Throckmorton · 19/07/2020 21:56

Which one is first? If Cleo's one, then all good as surely hardly anyone will go to the second one. If Phillipa isn't going to say anything to Becky about it, she's bloody wet.

DappledThings · 19/07/2020 21:58

@ShyTown

It doesn’t seem like Philippa finds it that awkward, otherwise she would have told Becky she already has a shower organised and that she’s not a diva and doesn’t need 2. You can’t throw someone a party unless they’re on board with it. What unnecessary drama from the pair of them, are you sure Philippa isn’t not so secretly loving the competition for her friendship?
All of this. I think Phillipa is loving the idea of doubling up on the number of grabby gifts.
Original poster
jesusandjollof · 19/07/2020 21:59

@ShyTown

It doesn’t seem like Philippa finds it that awkward, otherwise she would have told Becky she already has a shower organised and that she’s not a diva and doesn’t need 2. You can’t throw someone a party unless they’re on board with it. What unnecessary drama from the pair of them, are you sure Philippa isn’t not so secretly loving the competition for her friendship?
She's honestly not a diva at all. She just really doesn't like confrontation, so will often go with the flow even if she's unhappy.
OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 19/07/2020 21:59

How weird that you'd throw an additional baby shower when invited to the original. I wouldn't go to two baby showers for someone so both parties are likely to have fewer people.
It does sound like a schoolgirl drama tbh

ScottishStottie · 19/07/2020 21:59

Yes i agree that theres a difference between not liking confrontation and just sitting back and letting one of your friends be a total bitch to the other. Phillipa needs to step up or shes not much of a friend to cleo.

But i dont think its your place to say anything to becky. You are too detached from the scenario so itll just create a big drama. If you felt the need to do something then you could have a word with phillipa and tell her that she needs to do something about this situation whether she likes it or not.

OohKittens · 19/07/2020 22:00

I'm sorry op but this has really made me laugh Grin

Original poster
jesusandjollof · 19/07/2020 22:01

@PurpleDaisies

It’s not your problem, it’s Philippa’s. Or Sandra’s.

I blame Edna personally.

Hahaha. Rookie error Blush
OP posts:
Spied · 19/07/2020 22:01

Gawd.

I'd just leave them all to it and go and lie in a dark room.