Competing baby shower - should I say something?

[jesusandjollof]

One of my oldest friends (let’s call her Philippa), asked her best friend (Cleo) and I to throw her a socially distanced baby shower. We’ve planned a nice outdoor event for 20 guests (on a 3-acre plot of land - we know there’s still a deadly virus in the air!) Philippa's husband mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that another of her friends (Becky) contacted him to ask him if there was a baby shower being planned, and he told her that there was, and to get in touch with me or Cleo if she wanted to help as we were planning it.
Cleo sent the invitations out, and she and Becky had a lovely chat about the plans and how exciting it is that Philippa is having a baby.

Philippa sent a text to Cleo today to ask if Becky had mentioned to her that she was planning a separate baby shower (she hadn’t, and they spoke at length a few days ago). Becky has organised another shower and has invited half of the same guests (Cleo and I are not invited which is fine, but I thought it was an odd thing to do).

Cleo says it feels somehow personal, as Becky has form for almost competing for Sandra's friendship. At Philippa's hen weekend a few years ago (I couldn’t attend due to health issues), Becky completely took over and sidelined Cleo, and other friends who were there told me that whenever Cleo was out of earshot, Becky and other members of her friendship circle would call Cleo ‘shit-show’ - completely juvenile, ‘mean girl’ behaviour.

Cleo is upset about it, Philippa finds the whole thing a little awkward, and I think it's unnecessary. Would I Be Unreasonable to ask Becky what she is playing at?

I don't have any strong feelings about baby showers but I think it's really weird for someone to ASK other people to plan them on their behalf?! Like who pays for stuff like food drink and cake? If you have them I mean/ is it the planners? Guests?

Oh and if a friend of mine did some mean girl style bitching about another friend on a hen do, calling them a shit show behind their back, they wouldn't be my friend anymore. Because you know, adulting and decency. Some of the people in this group sound horrible!

I would say something. I would tell Phillipa she can't allow Cleo to be mistreated again and has to tell becky she only wants one baby shower.

I don't think it is confrontational to say to someone 'im so sorry there seems to have been a mix up, there is already a baby shower being planned, but thankyou for trying to be so thoughtful'

Do people ereally live with so much drama in their lives?

Philippa/Sandra needs to sort this out. She doesn’t need to have a ‘big confrontation’ with anyone she just needs to speak to her friends.

@Icantrememebrtheartist

I don’t know you have the emotional energy to bother with any of it! A group of supposedly adult “friends” calling each other names and trying to play one up against each other is awful. Not a friendship group I would want to be in.

They're not actually my friendship group. I'm friends with the mother to be and I'm friends with Cleo, we've been friends for a very long time. These ladies are Philippa's friends from University and Cleo has spent a fair bit of time with them all too (group holidays etc.) I've met them a handful of times but not my kind of people.

@backseatcookers

I don't have any strong feelings about baby showers but I think it's really weird for someone to ASK other people to plan them on their behalf?! Like who pays for stuff like food drink and cake? If you have them I mean/ is it the planners? Guests?

Oh and if a friend of mine did some mean girl style bitching about another friend on a hen do, calling them a shit show behind their back, they wouldn't be my friend anymore. Because you know, adulting and decency. Some of the people in this group sound horrible!

I think she asked us to plan it because she thought someone would anyway (which is true), and perhaps she wanted to make sure we did it and not other friends as we know her the best. We're planning to pay for everything, although Philippa's husband has asked several times how much it is costing so he can contribute - but we're very happy to host.
Becky is no friend of mine, and had I been at the hen, wouldn't have got away with treating Cleo this way on my watch! I can't stand bullies!

Christ on a bike. What a load of tosh. Babyshowers? Another unnecessary and trite American import

@excuseforfights

I’m so glad you’re not rising to all the petty comments calling you immature, proves beautifully that you’re not grin

Totally agree, beautifully played OP. 👍🏼

Thank you

Baby showers are completely ridiculous

I don't know why but I can see the pregnant friend loving this... sitting back and letting two different sets of people plan (and pay for!?!) Two baby showers! No wonder her DH offered to contribute, he probably feels embarrassed about his diva girlfriend/wife who clearly isnt doing anything to stop Becky planning this second baby shower. She will probably be expecting 2 sets of presents too

I'd ask pregnant friend if she actually wants 2 showers and of she does I'd be making it a smaller cheaper event as shes having a second one anyway

MrsHound aww come on, you'll be saying you don't like gender reveal parties next

Just get on with organising the party you were asked to organise. If the mum to be or any other guests want to attend a different one that's up to them.

I just couldn't be arsed who has got the time and energy for this shit? I bet she's already had 3 gender reveals and you had to fake surprise and excitement at every single one 😆. Let's face it no one really gives a shiny shit, baby showers are just an excuse to gift a load of baby crap to your mate and sit around eating crappy sandwiches with some dreadful games mixed in. It's like a hen do minus the alcohol and fun 😂.

Was anyone thinking of bridesmaid where the old best friend and the new best friend are competing? wonder if becky will lose her shit at cleo's (if I got the name correct) shower 😂?

I planned a baby shower for a friend... Everyone knew... Then her sil decided to plan one and everyone RSVPs to hers and not mine. I was fucking furious. Money and time wasted. I let it be known. Friend then coaxed a few extra people to attend the open I threw.

We are no longer friends. And I will never throw another event for someone other than my children.

What she is doing is fucking rude... And your pregnant friend shouldn't allow it to happen if she actually cares about you and the other friend planning it.

@incognitomum

MrsHound aww come on, you'll be saying you don't like gender reveal parties next

@IsItGinOclock1

I just couldn't be arsed who has got the time and energy for this shit? I bet she's already had 3 gender reveals and you had to fake surprise and excitement at every single one 😆. Let's face it no one really gives a shiny shit, baby showers are just an excuse to gift a load of baby crap to your mate and sit around eating crappy sandwiches with some dreadful games mixed in. It's like a hen do minus the alcohol and fun 😂.

Was anyone thinking of bridesmaid where the old best friend and the new best friend are competing? wonder if becky will lose her shit at cleo's (if I got the name correct) shower 😂?

Maybe Becky will give out puppies at hers! 😂

Who is Sandra? Why are such young teenagers having babies? Baby showers are tacky. Me me me, give me lots of attention and presents. Yuck.

Why bother saying anything? I don’t really get why you’re invested in this. Go to the one you and Cleo are organising, and think no more about it. Becky sounds a bit odd, but Philippa doesn’t seem that bothered, it’s just not worth the headspace.

I'm in the US so I'm used to baby showers. I don't think they're grabby at all and usually only for a first baby or if the subsequent baby is much younger than the first (so baby things have been given away). But what is NEVER done is for the expectant mother to actually ASK to be given a shower!! That IS grabby! It's supposed to come as a 'lovely surprise' from a friend. It's also not 'done' to have a family member throw the shower, unless that family member is also a 'BFF'.

It's not completely unheard of for someone to have more than one but it's usually different 'groups'. For example a shower given by a friend for the 'friendship group' and the expectant mother's family and another given by a co-worker for 'work friends'. Normally you wouldn't have showers where the same group was invited to both (ie have to give 2 gifts).

Is your party before Beckys party?
Let the two parties happen if so but be aware that Sandra/Phillipas family and friends may think she's being a tad cheeky asking them to attend two events because it sounds like double the gifts.
I'd leave it to her to sort out because it's her friendship not yours and steer clear of Becky and that group.

Philippa knew that one group of friends was slagging off another friend at her hen party but said and did nothing, and still has bitchy friends organising snidey competition baby showers for her? Phillipa is a weak person and a crap friend. She needs to grow a pair and deal with Becky.

I am really sorry I couldn't keep track. It's 'and me' not 'and I' sorry I know that's not the sign of a brilliant mind but it's all I could glean from your post.

I’m with MrsHound here. Baby showers, Gender Reveal parties, who gives a shit. I was told when I had DD1 “No-one is as interested in your baby as you are”, and I think that’s very true. Have the baby, tell people what it is, receive gifts, say thank you, job done.

It all sounds exhausting tbh.