School reports and gender

[MadameBee]

Question - do all reports refer to children as “they” rather than he/she?

DH was reading DSDs and was moaning about the grammar.

Is this requested or is it standard now that they are gender neutral?

If your SD publicly identifies as non-binary, what are teachers expected to do? A pragmatic solution to a sensitive issue. Very thoughtful of them, I think.

Sorry no she hasn’t asked us to use they and I would feel ridiculous doing it tbh

What with spends a lot of time on Instagram posting about her rights - be great if she put as much effort into her school work but hey! and that you'd feel ridiculous doing so anyway, can't say it surprises me hasn't mentioned to you - from your posts and comments sounds like you wouldn't exactly be supportive and maybe has picked up on that

@queenofknives

OP there's nothing wrong with your tone or anything you've said. The people on here looking to take offence at something are being idiotic. It sounds to me like you have a good relationship with your DSD, and you come across as kind and thoughtful. Just ignore the haters and don't let them try to emotionally manipulate you - they are talking absolute mince.

This is so true. We have a few TRAs and their supporters that keep an watchful eye on Mumsnet for anything remotely trans so they can immediately point out what a bad person you are, for not jumping up and down for joy and validating your child’s new belief. The only reason they don’t immediately jump in with accusations of ‘term’, is because it’s a banned insult. You sound like a very supportive stepmum and when your SD finally finds her way back to good mental health, she’s going to be grateful of your support.

We have a few TRAs and their supporters that keep an watchful eye on Mumsnet for anything remotely trans so they can immediately point out what a bad person you are, for not jumping up and down for joy and validating your child’s new belief

What, so anyone who thought that OP wasn't being supportive of DSD when she suggested DSD was deliberately switching her anxiety on and off like a tap to manipulate is automatically a TRA now?

They as a pronoun referring to a singular object,male or female, has been in use for centuries! It's a more formal usage and perfectly correct grammatically without any reference to modern gender issues.

Ashard 'they' is used in the example you've given because the sex of the student is unknown because it is in reference to a previous collective. It's standard use of 'they' and isn't relevant to a non-binary person opting for 'they' pronouns in every instance where singular sexed pronouns would traditionally be used.

Happy, well-adjusted children don’t tend to follow fads to their own detriment.

A) in what way is coming out as non binary or gay to someone's detriment when a teen? Teens are as a rule very accepting of this sort of thing.

B) How many teens do you know? Virtually every teen i have met has been in a tribe of some sort - goths, grunge, emo, punk, vegetarian, vegan, gay, pan, etc. As a teen I had a girlfriend for a few months - I absolutely loved her as a person but found that actually fannies are not for me sexually. I was also veggie for 5 years (I know many people do stay vegetarian their whole lives; I wanted to lose weight and be more interesting). I was a minor league Goth for a while (wore all black, listened to the music, but never got into the makeup etc). I can say the same for all my friends in one way or another and for my teen kids and their friends - they are "gamers" or "K-pop" fans or "enbies" etc.

It sounds to me like OP knows her SD very well and I don't read anything outrageously negative into her posts and think there might be some projecting going on maybe.

How many teens do you know?
That was exactly what I thought when I read that comment. Most teens follow fads to their own detriment whether their passion/fad leads them to not sleeping enough/eating enough; obsessing about a celeb/hobby/crush/tribe; wearing uncomfortable clothes; adopting a dangerous/high adrenaline hobby, etc, etc. It's a big part of being a teen and a responsible parent or step-parent acts exactly as OP has done - maintains calm, lets the fads come and go, and takes care that none of them slip into self-harm or self-sabotage. And that includes not ignoring it when anxiety or MH issues tip into other unhealthy habits or bad behaviours.

I have a shortened version of an elongated name on my birth certificate (like say my actual name is Elizabeth but my parents named me Liz).

I went through a phase of calling myself Elizabeth and even had to put on to my GCSE certificates.

I have gone through a huge palava recently to prove these are actually mine and it’s brought back a really unhappy time for me, not reminded me of my achievements.

*had it

It sounds to me like OP knows her SD very well and I don't read anything outrageously negative into her posts

Do we all have to be saccarine sweet when talking about our children?