School reports and gender

[MadameBee]

Question - do all reports refer to children as “they” rather than he/she?

DH was reading DSDs and was moaning about the grammar.

Is this requested or is it standard now that they are gender neutral?

No

Ours say he/she, but could understand why teachers may use they if they're copying and pasting some comments to avoid inadvertently using the wrong gender. (My DD once had a stray "he" in her report but it's not something that concerned me.) Grammatically they is fine.

However, in this case it may be that your DSD has specifically requested to be referred to as "they", in which case I'd be commending the teachers for being understanding and sensitive of your DSD's feelings.

Sorry no she hasn’t asked us to use they and I would feel ridiculous doing it tbh.

It helps to mask any copy/paste errors.

And speeds things up, obviously.

As you've said on here that you would feel ridiculous using they/them, she probably knows you would feel that way too. So is it not possible she's asked school to use they/them and just not you and her dad?

She doesn’t know that is how I feel.

She knows. Guarantee you. She knows.

She does not know, I have never discussed it with her or with DH.

I will guarantee you 110% she knows.

I knew. When I was the teen who didn’t confirm. I knew exactly what my mother thought even though she never said a word.

She knows.

Perhaps your DSD has asked to be referred to as "they" at school not at home, thinking that the request would be met with more generosity and open mindedness there.

Otherwise it'll be the cut & paste thing.

*conform

@Mydogisthebestest

She knows. Guarantee you. She knows.

She must be reading your aura, OP. 🤣

Her step-sister (my DD) is gay and lives with her girlfriend, they come around when DSD is here and I have a close relationship with my DD.

Right, but she’s clearly struggling even if it is ‘bandwagon jumping’. Happy, well-adjusted children don’t tend to follow fads to their own detriment. Additionally, it seems she’s extremely confused about her sexuality, which can be quite common at this age, but it doesn’t sound as if she’s heterosexual - it sounds like her sexuality is more fluid and she might be struggling to define it, hence the jumping between terms. So posting about it is valid because she may well feel judged for her sexuality. I agree she needs to focus on school but that can’t be easy when she’s so caught up in her own identity. Has your DH sat her down and spoken to her about this: told her that she is loved no matter what, that she can be in whatever sort of relationships she likes, that ultimately if she can’t find a ‘label’ that suits her then that is okay and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her?

OP I say this gently but she really might know more than you think about your opinions on the subject of all things trans / non-binary / they them etc. I'm not making a judgement on those opinions as I probably share some of yours and also some of hers but as someone bisexual (and now 33!) it has surprised me over the years how unaware people are about how clear their opinions are made without them thinking they are obvious. It's a bit worrying you aren't willing to entertain that it might be a factor - it's not a character assassination of you, just a thought.

This isn’t about your dd. You can be accepting of gay and not accepting of this “modern band wagon jumping” of bi gender non-binary.

She knows what you think of her being bi or gender fluid or non-binary. Guarantee it.

Yes she is struggling but I think it’s due to other issues which I won’t go into here.

She does have support with her mental health but then this turns into she can’t do X Y Z due to her anxiety but can do other things perfectly well when it suits her which feels manipulative at times.

What pp said. It’s not a reflection on your character. But I’ll guarantee you she knows.

I’m pansexual. I said bi as a teen/20s/30s but I married and conformed. It’s only now that I’m older and society has moved on that I’m comfortable being non-binary.

I don’t think young people aren’t comfortable to discuss this?

We are way more open today than we were even 10 years ago.

she’s obsessed with Instagram and is getting poor grades

It sounds like she feels her family doesn't understand her and she senses a level of acceptance on Instagram that she hasn't found anywhere else.

Especially when combined with the anxiety comments. She probably feels that her issues aren't taken very seriously.

And no she doesn’t know - I know her and the relationship I have with her, you, a stranger on the internet do not.

Her issues are taken very seriously.

@LonginesPrime

she’s obsessed with Instagram and is getting poor grades

It sounds like she feels her family doesn't understand her and she senses a level of acceptance on Instagram that she hasn't found anywhere else.

Especially when combined with the anxiety comments. She probably feels that her issues aren't taken very seriously.

Exactly this.

Since when did schools decide to follow pupils ' fashions?

When my brother was at school the fashion was long hair, so of course the bloody school insisted on short hair. When my nephew went to school the fashion was short hair, so the school insisted on long hair.

But now what should be part of an anti-bullying policy is a fashion encouraged by schools. Why?