Would you call 22 years old

[Vivana]

Very young to have a baby. Was talking to a friend who said I was to young back then to have a baby at 22 years old. Now early 40s and did not have any more children.

There's a difference between young and too young.
22 is young, yes.
"Too young" however, always sounds judgemental to me.

I get working tax credits but I didn't when I was with my ex. I was 22, he was 26 when DS was born and he earned £35k which was enough for me not to work. We live in the Midlands and it's cheap.

I was 35 and I'm sure I'd have had more energy but far less wisdom, but the wisdom is based on who I was as a person not my age, other 22 year olds would be ok !

Nope had my first at 22 didn't feel young at all second at 25 and third at 29 . I think it's really individual how young someone is at a certain age because we all grow up and mature at different times

Anecdotally, the people I know who rely most on grandparents for childcare/help all had their kids later, in their 30s. Surely if you have your kids younger, your own parents are more likely to still be working so you’re less likely to have any help from those quarters?? That was the case for us - when I had DD1 everyone was miles away and/or still working full time. She went to the childminder until I was pregnant with the second, when I became a SAHM. Was at home for a few years and then started my own business when second child was 2 and third was 1, which fits in with the kids so I don’t need childcare any more.

Nobody I know who had children in their early twenties got to enjoy being 'child free' again in their 40s like they planned/hoped for.
Why not?
What happened?

A mix of things, children with disabilities, adult children still living at home due to struggling to find work, wanting to provide financial support to their own children due to cost of housing etc.

Never had any help, never had any benefits except child benefit - not that I’d judge anyone who has, because that’s what it’s there for and I’m not a judgy wanker 🤷‍♀️

100% agree, my brother is 33 and still living it up in London with no plans to have children or own a property. It’s great fun for him tbh so why would he want to change it but it’s an entirely different way of life to a lot of the rest of the country.

@FourForYouGlenCoco yep that is my case too, I'm 29 now and my mum still works full time, never had any help with grandparent childcare. DS goes to breakfast club and holiday club in school holidays.

Not too young, I wish I had kids at a younger age.

I don't think it's too young. I had travelled half the world and had my own home and a responsible job at that age, so no it's not.
Some people mature quickly and have stable relationships by their early 20's
Not everyone is career /uni driven or wants to party or travel.
Ime the ones having dc young have had inheritances/house deposits /gifts. So having your finances sorted early on means you can afford to have children while you are young.

I was 18, at 22 I had 2 kids! Some people are so judgemental what the hell does it matter now how old you were?

I don't think it's too young but it is very young in my opinion.

Maybe that's just my circle of friends though. I know maybe three people who had children before the age of 25 and only one of them has really made a success of everything.

Only a handful of my friends from school have started having children and even so that's only since we turned 28/29.

depends on the person, I was far too immature at 22 to have looked after a baby, my dd however was not, I have a wonderful dgs who is the focus of my dds and her husbands lives, they were married at 20/23 and parents 2 years later, works for them, I was divorced twice by 29, and a single parent, they are far more mature than I have ever been.

@FourForYouGlenCoco Nope it wasn't meant to be judgy, it was a genuine question. Reading some replies from posters, it's not clear how they managed to continue in education or earn a living, if they had a child in their late teens or early 20s (unless their DH was older.)

Most younger people aren't earning enough to afford wrap around child care AND work AND pay a mortgage or rent if they live in the south of the UK.

What I'm saying is that the choice to have a child at 20-22 is denied to most couples as they need 2 full time incomes. If they have parents to do the childcare, then they can afford to have a child.

@Frozenfrogs86

Objectively 22 is significantly below the average. So I think your friend was right.

If her tone was that you were somehow wrong to become a mum at 22, then thats a different matter. You were adult and physiologically it’s an ideal time. Whether it was an ideal time for you is obviously not for her to say!

But it probably wasn't 'significantly' below 20 years ago, when the average age for first time mothers was around 27, now it's around 30. Women over 30 used to be considered elderly primagravida not that long ago, but now it is 35. I think that lots of people on here, who only know women who have babies in their 30s, don't consider that there are different social circles to their own where lots of people are having babies in their 20s. Lots of people talk about university, establishing your career etc., as if they are totally unaware that, even in these days, lots of people don't follow this path.

@JinglingHellsBells

I'm really interested in who did the childcare for these young mums.

Your parents? In laws?

Full time nursery?

Some one is providing back up or else it would be almost impossible.

Dd went to a childminder and nursery. Why would I have needed backup? I had a perfectly good job as did dh. We paid our mortgage off the year dd was born. We weren't struggling at all.

My grandparents provided full time childcare for my younger two children, I agree, we were young and stupid which is why we were pregnant by our third date, and naive when we decided to proceed with the pregnancy with absolutely no understanding of the sacrifices we’d need to make, or the cost of childcare.

We were lucky though. By some miracle we’re incredibly compatible and our relationship has gone from strength to strength (were now married with three children). I’m from a wealthy family and so they furnished our first house, bought us a car, gave us half of a deposit for our first house. My grandparents provided childcare for us whilst we finished university. They also provided childcare for our middle son, although we could have paid for him to attend nursery, my grandparents actually wanted to do this and we were more than grateful.

I wouldn’t ever change our life, we’re happily married, successful, three gorgeous sons, own our house and our cars BUT we relied heavily on my family in the early years and we drifted apart from most of our friends. I lost a really good job I’d worked for in Germany as I was pregnant, my husband had to turn down an 8 month internship in Copenhagen too. We’ve never been on holiday alone, and we spent our wedding night with our (then two year old) sleeping in the bed with me.

@JinglingHellsBells fair enough, sorry for being snippy!

Lots of the people I know who had babies younger, the dads are often skilled trades, which, while it does somewhat limit their ultimate earning potential, gives them a pretty immediate decent, stable income compared to most graduates now. Lots of people round my way in that situation and doing fine financially. DH is a skilled tradesman and now I’m also working, our household income is

I think it depends where you live, where I grew up what was considered a "rough" area there were 2-3 girls from my year pregnant just towards the end of year 11 so 16year olds. Most of them (now late 20s) have 3/4 kids now and rely on benefits and council housing and often moan on FB about their partners/babies dads.
The estate I lived on had multiple council properties with single mums with 2-3DCs not always by the same dads - again this is considered a norm.
A few other girls I went to school with all had DCs very early 20s often accidental pregnancies but were all doing quite well for themselves anyway and most are now married, good jobs, homeowners and so on.

I moved in with DP and we are in what is considered a "nice" area, I had an unplanned pregnancy but we were engaged and living together so decided to go ahead and I had DC1 at 23yo - where I used to live that would've been pretty much the norm, where we live now it has made me the youngest mum at DCs school by at least 10 years. A couple of the mums/dads are 20+ years older than me and they have all gotten extensive professional qualifications and established their careers before DCs which I think is great and as a result most of them can be pretty flexible with work arrangements and can always be there for DCs nativities and other school things.
I'm lucky in a sense that me and DP have always worked to establish a situation where we can be around for our DCs (me more than him at the moment) but generally we can strike a good balance and don't have to rely on childcare or anyone else to do collections/drop offs and we can always be around for events which I know isn't always the case for people our age - but I think our circumstances are quite unique and in another situation I personally would've considered myself too young to have DCs.

I think it’s a bit young, not in the sense that you aren’t old or mature enough, just in terms of being in a stable place in life - own home steady job etc. Which now days would probably be more rare than it used to be...hoising is soo expensive and jobs are thin in the ground with lots of competition.

@JinglingHellsBells

I'm really interested in who did the childcare for these young mums.

Your parents? In laws?

Full time nursery?

Some one is providing back up or else it would be almost impossible.

Eh?

Childcare is accessible to all children. It's not dependent on the age of their parent.

How utterly bizarre

Women are choosing to have children later, so social norm is older. However that doesn’t mean you to young at 22.

Considering the brain doesn't stop developing until around age 25, I think it is too young. I consider early twenties late teenagedom, and wouldn't want the massive life event and responsibility of a child until I was biologically fully formed. That's not to say there aren't good teenage or early-twenties parents, but the more rational thinking doesn't fully develop until later, and parenting that young will shape the way you think for the rest of your life more significantly than for an older parent.

I think 20 years ago it was financially easier. I bought my first house straight after graduation in 1997 and it cost 32k. My mortgage payments were £200 a month.

Jobs were easier to find I guess. I never had a graduate job but started temping for a firm as an office junior after graduation. Was rapidly promoted and by 22yo was earning circa 30k. Dh was on a similar salary probably slightly more. And this wasn't in the South of England.